dh's past and hatred for mil

asuitablegirl · Dec 2, 2008

To Ria: Your words made a lot of sense to me. Already I feel stronger now that I have something positive to try...

just mentally visualize yourself clearing the muddy vicious thoughts with clear flowing shining waters of hope and future
Click to expand...

That is very uplifting to me, as soon as I read that I tried it and it gave me a feeling of having control again of my own feelings, thank you so much ria for your very helpful suggestion. :thankyou2:

To Chocolate: Why do inlaws do this? Why wouldn't a mother want her son to be happy? I think this obsession inlaws have with sons is very destructive.

To Malyatha: Mil no longer brings up the ex because I let DH know what was going on and he blasted her for it. He hates bringing up things of the past. She brought up the ex when she was staying with us last year. Now I'm not in contact with her, not even hi hello how are you. For a while my dh used to take lightly what his mom said, so I started refering to her as "mummyji," the exact name the ex used to call her. It bothered my DH sooooo much! When he shouted at me because of it, I let him know that same way he feels hurt by hearing mummyji, I feel hurt by his mom saying nasty things to me like honeymoon suite this, expensive lengha that. That is how slowly I got my dh to listen to me about what his mom was doing.
Yes Malyatha you are right, I did talk to ex and mil was BIG cause of their divorce.

To Drjp: You hit the nail on the head. My mils words caused lots of doughts about my relationship with my dh. When she told me things about the ex she sounded very sincere, so I believed her. My mil told me that my dh was so in love with his ex that there was no room for me, and that he married me on an impulse. So definitely somewhere in my heart this caused insecurity. My mil told me to my face, "I will get you out of my son's house." Definitely I have become an insecure person becaue of this, and the worst thing is, my insecurity is in the past, it's like battling a ghost. :hide:

Thanks again wise ladies for your suggestions and advices. I appreciate it very very much.

asuitablegirl · Dec 2, 2008

make MIL feel like the dumbass that she obviously is!
Click to expand...

Big Laughhaha I almost missed that, oh wow Malyatha how I wish I could have you around when my mil goes mad. believe me nothing would ever make her feel foolish, she is very arrogant and if anybody opposes her she just flat out squashes them. and then takes revenge when you least suspect it. that is what makes her scary. I can deal with a person's anger, it's the not knowing what comes next that is the scary part.

you know, she looks 100% like jaya bachanan, so much so that when i'm watching a film with her in it I feel like I'm watching horror movie, I'm serious!! writing about it now i'm laughing but make me watch kkkg and it's all jokes apart! :rotfl

NidhiJain · Dec 2, 2008

seems like...your MIL is an immature and foolish lady...no wonder if she is the reason for her son's divorce.
Don't let her do that to you...as soon as she starts speaking about husband's ex....give her a sharp reply...say you don't like it..and she should b sensible enough not to talk about that and it hurts you..if she(ex) was like that then why she left you and your son....she will think twice after that before dicussing anything about her.
Tension lene ka nahi tension dene ka...
whatever is in your heart say it in a graceful manner...don't fight...but don't keep it in your heart also...say everything but politely.
If your husband say anything bad about your family...be very transparent but polite and tell him frankly he must respect them if he expects the same from you for his family.If you behave the same to his family....how would he feels...and tell him..marriage is not worked by one sided...it takes the efforts of both partner to make it work.Even if he has some genuine issues with your family...he has to adjust because now its his family too...marriage is the bonding between two families not just husband and wife.

Malyatha · Dec 2, 2008

asuitablegirl said: ↑

Malyatha how I wish I could have you around when my mil goes mad. believe me nothing would ever make her feel foolish, she is very arrogant and if anybody opposes her she just flat out squashes them. and then takes revenge when you least suspect it. that is what makes her scary. I can deal with a person's anger, it's the not knowing what comes next that is the scary part.
Click to expand...

See, whatever comes "next" will not be something that will cost you your life. Bullies are always cowards who will only pick on those that they feel will not fight back. Your MIL sounds like a REAL bully, so call her on her bluff and watch her creep away, tail firmly set between her legs.

Moreover, she lives so far away. Just hang up on the old hag when she calls or refuse to answer her calls at all. Let her stew sitting so far away in her village. The local thugs and witch doctors she associates with can't do anything to you and she's stupid if she tries to pull something from WITHIN the States.

chocolate · Dec 2, 2008

asuitablegirl said: ↑

To Chocolate: Why do inlaws do this? Why wouldn't a mother want her son to be happy? I think this obsession inlaws have with sons is very destructive.
Click to expand...

My in laws rather my FIL and SIL want a 24/7 run of my husband's life.Forget the fact that he is not a baby and is a 34 yr old man. Still he doesnt know ways of life and is very innocent. Forget the fact that he is married for the last 6 yrs.And me the wife is the evil witch who is ruining the darling son's life.How long can this charade go on? Till in laws are able to enforce their views on us.
All the obsession surprisingly comes into full force after our engagements or marriage.Sometimes its very funny how they show their possessiveness.Sometimes I enjoy and sometimes I reply to them. All in all it is a more of tu tu main main b/n us.

nive80 · Dec 3, 2008

Hey,

I guess as long as ur DH is over his ex and u have a good relationship with him , thats wat shud matter. And i guess he is very supposrtive of u , so i wud say dont worry about ur MIL.

Gud Luck ASG