Am I selfish?

lonely girl.........i am not an expert in family counselling.....though i understand your frustration completely.............i find that both of you need to understand how to romance.may be your drive and his are different........does your husband have a very stressful work, or does he have any apprehensions about this........if it is ego then i would laugh.........because petty fights that you say, like who should initiate.......is something even i can relate with...........but please do not do any mistakes in sheer frustration a husband is the one who will stand by you in times of distress.........even my husband says he does not find me attractive...when i just keep fighting with him........just talk to him and ask whats bothering........because i think these are silly issues that can be resolved........my opinion

 

Hi Lonely girl,

I somehow feel that ur hubby is awfully turned off with ur anger or fights. My hubby tells me that I look way too ugly when im angry. ur daughter is attached to ur hubby that means he is a great father. U can make him a great husband too. be cool. forget all the complaints and insults that u have faced.... b cheerful, give him some time... romance him.. love him...dress up in a way that will make him turn his attention towards u.. or get a new hair style... . there will b so many tips on net.....i hope u read all those... but have u tried it?
when he is really in mood, u can ask him to do things for u in bed. have u asked what u want in bed to ur hubby?

My daughter is not at all attached to me. She wont come to me, no matter what. Its all her dad for her.

Ur baby will love u no matter what. u must really start loving ur life and ur family. some kids will b attached to the father more. but no one can replace u to ur daughter.

Feel the happiness in little things ur hubby does, like, helping u out with household, taking u to the grocers....Enjoy ur life. there is nothing wrong in watching porno stuffs and M'bate now n then. I wish u find a solution and have a blissful life with ur hubby.

 

Am I selfish? yes and no. In your husbands case, you are not being selfish. But in your daughters case you are being selfish. You are just looking at your daughter from your frustration perspective. No one is more for a kid than the mother. Girls are in general attracted to fathers, but that does not mean she does not need you. Please do not show your frustration on her. Try to channel your energy on her. Pleasuring yourself is not something bad. It is good and healthy to release yourself in fact when you are not getting it from your husband. I think you should first calm yourself down, and try to find something that interests you and keep you busy so that you can temporarily take your mind off of this romance issue. That will give you time to clear up your mind and concentrate on your daughter instead of your husbands skills. Once you are clear and a happy person, your husband will have no choice other than to come to a happy wife.
I know that it is easier said than done. But please try to stop concentrating more on the problem at hand and immerse yourself into something that can keep you busy. Do you work? If not community service is another choice. Local hospitals always will appreciate an extra pair of hands and its good to meat other new faces everyday. Please take care of your daughter. Never think that she does not need you. The most important person she needs in her life is YOU.
Good luck

 

Hi Lonelygirl

Sorry to hear about your condition .But Some lines on your post bother me .Why is your daughter not attached to you .May be you are taking out the Anger and frustration on her .Please try to win your daughter 's heart first like try to give her bath ,taking her to park etc .Try to divert your mind when its longing like meditation etc .After a fewdays if still your DH doesn't improve be stubborn that he has to see a therapist .

I know I don't want be touched when I am irritated or angry especially with DH .So please try to get close and work the harmony between you .

May be your Anger turns him off


All the Best

 

i would like to say...before taking any final decision...give it one more shot...
try doing what i am telling you...use victoria secret erotic smell body lotion all over your body and perfumes...My husband really likes the smell and hold me when i come near him after that.Take a shower and use that product...wear a saree but in a sexy style...do all girly things...like wear bangles...long ear rings...bindi....keep your dress sexy....don't wear heavy jewellery..very light..don't pin up your pallu...let it fall down... ;-)i think he won't be able to resist.If possible wear pink color dress...or langeries...Boys like pinky pinky kind of girls and get seduced.Wear short dress with thin fabric..may be made of net and which show your figure and hide your fat if you have somewhere.I think this should work..
when he comes from the office...give it a try....buy scented candles...lit them...prepare or order his favorite food..and dress up for him...see what happens...And don't forget the sexy music.
most important thing..which my MIL told me when i was newly married...she said never be easily available to men...show tantrums ....seduce him but don't come near him....
i think this should work..
Never let your ego come in between or doing anything...he is your husband..do what makes him happy because you will also be happy with that...only 1 thing can survive at a time....ego or love...think what is ur priority.

 

Hi lonelygal,

Suddenly every man I meet seems attractive to me. I dont know what I am capable of doing.

please don't ever think this way and land up in a big problem.ya i understand romance is very important in married life ,but can never take a first place with compared to our own kids.As these are a few second pleasure but kids are lifetime pleasure and think about those ladies who had lost their DH's in the initial stage and are living only for their childrens .Please don't take your frustration on your kid.Ya kid's are very attached to their father's usually and you have to be happy for that he is a great father.And ofcourse yes he should give importance to you on that regard but Lonely girl give him some time cos if you always talk/ fight to him on those issues he'l always run from it .so have patience.:thumbsup.
From now onwards just try the tricks said by the IL ladies in the earlier posts and surely will work out but for sure have patience .
Now at this stage you are feeling bad cos your DH is wrong on some issues but are you not being wrong in saying that your kid does'nt need you that means you are not fulfilling your kid needs (love and secured feeling) and so kid does'nt need you .You and kid are on the same boat.
I have a friend ,even she has the same problem that both dH and herself love eachother very much , very bad fight n forgiveness is also there but her one problem is that her DH is most of the time romantic but she is not .And itseems she also told him just b'cos he is always behind it she is losing interest and avoids him.but still they love eachother verymuch.so please analyse and don't take hasty decisions.people around you will be waiting to take advantage of your weaknesses so be careful .

WISH YOU A HAPPY FAMILY

sai

 

Hi

I can totally empathise with what you are saying. I myself have personally experienced this in my married life......and have succumbed to the temptation of having an emotional affair outside marriage. Believe me, its not worth it. Yes, it did make me feel wanted, and happy...but only for a short period. Luckily in my case my husband came to know about this and there were some very hard times that we had to go through........but this incident made my relation take a complete u-turn and now me and my dh are experiencing one of the best times in our almost 10yrs married life. When i say 'best' i mean both physically and emotionally. I think i am just very lucky that it had turned out good for me.

I am not an expert here, but i think at the stage that you are in right now, having a talk with your husband repeatedly about this issue might not work. It might only add more stress and pressure.......and sex cannot happen in a pressured or stressed out environment. Actions speak louder than words. So, instead of asking why he never initiates it........you just go ahead and initiate it, becos its a matter of your happiness too. Sometimes guys do want it, but becos of a lot of a bitterness that develops between couples as a result of constant nagging, fights ...etc, they mentally switch themselves off......and thats the reason for their lack of interest.

I think you should forget your past differences, fights, etc for some days and concentrate on getting your husbands attention back to you. Stop your arguments, and have a control on your temper and do all that you can to get your dh's attention to you. If i am not wrong, both of you love each other inspite of all the differences that you are having.

So, i would say....
1. Make some private time for you and dh.
2. Try to get connected to each other emotionally too.........becos i think thats missing in your relation.
3. Do things together........go for a walk or a movie.
4. Do your own bit of seducing him subtly....

Once your dh starts feeling relaxed in your company and not feel threatened i am sure sex and intimacy will follow.

All the best

 

You are not selfish. What you feel is completely normal. In fact I was in your situation before.Of course it was with other factors accumulated. Calm yourself down.The more you think about this the more it drives us mad.I found a way out of this situation. I started neglecting my husband in the sense didnt approach him at all. By a week it had driven him insane and it worked.You shud try this too.
Please do not neglect the baby if its not too much for me to say. There is nobody who can replace a mother and you are to the baby.It will also distract you from this problem for the time being and your kid will be very happy in your care.Good Luck.