Etiquette is not my cup of tea!

My dear Vidya
An awesome fb as ever!
What a coincidence it is that you had just watched Kate and Leopold and mentioned it in your fb here! Had I remembered this great movie, I would certainly have woven it in my Ramblings! You are right about the mighty chivalry of Leopold and it takes you right to the days of Sir Galahad. ‘Chivalry is dead’ lamented Edmund Burke as early as in 1790 when Mary Antoinette was arrested during the French Revolution. That was the time when men were laying down their overcoats for pretty maidens to walk on. I wonder what Burke would say of men of today swearing at women who drive their vehicles through slush and dirty them! Brad Miner says in his ‘The Compleat Man’ that ‘gentlemanly courtesy and honor have become increasingly rare and today the chivalrous man is "ex mille electus," one in a thousand.’ I should thank you for bringing this aspect here!

Emily Post must surely be holding some record in her days for getting on the nerves of the maximum number of men. I must check with the likes of Galahad Threepwood or Lord Emsworth. You now bring to my notice the ridiculous take on chopstics of some East Enders. Using chopstics is the greatest challenge to human dexterity and adding etiquette to it is like doing a ballet in a Dune and Faith high heels!

I agree with you that a ‘lil more’ of all those good things will certainly make our lives a lil more tolerable. You have made a very interesting observation about a pet subject of mine on which I was planning to ramble shortly. I am equally intrigued why people, who are prepared to extend common courtesies to not only fellow professionals and friends but to rank outsiders too, prefer to deny them totally to people very close to them. Is it the effect of the ‘taking them for granted’ attitude?

Etiquette is just exhibitionism. People who revel in it may be barbarians at heart but camaouflage it with an excessive show of etiquette like the mysterious Han in ‘Enter the Dragon’ or Dr.No. Viewed in this perspective, I totally agree with your statement about Indian men. They may be total aliens to earthly etiquette but the warmth of their hearts will keep every one cosy!

Ramji is not at all in the minority. All of us attack a piping hot bowl of soup with salt and pepper even before tasting it. If it is a bowl of sweet corn soup, we make sure that it is laced with all the paraphernelia placed along with it. We believe in the axiom ‘Dress to kill’ We dress up the soup before we kill it! And if cookies are not meant to be doused in coffee, what is coffee for? It is encouraged even in TV ads of Marie biscuits!

Sri

 

Dear Chithra
What is all this about 'having travelled across five generations'? You make me feel as if I am a Guinness record holding Chinese aged 127!

I now know why our tumblers are provided with a rim. It hooks on to our lower teeth and thus prevent it from slipping out of our mouth as we sip our hot coffee! I cannot subscribe to the theory that sipping is a western etiquette. I have been a sipper all my life and I have never been to West! I have observed my old relatives pouring coffee into their waiting mouths from a tumbler held at least six inches above their upturned face. I have always thought that it was a greater gimmick than Rajani Kanth catching a cigarette with his lips after tossing it first in the air. If sipping is western etiquette, we beat them hollow by pouring a hot cup of tea on to the saucer and lapping it up like a pug! It is a common sight at every tea shop in Chennai!

I am with Cho about doing what gives happiness unmindful of the surroundings. If you say he was shaking his legs happily, then he is fully justified! Someone once told me that the best way to stop someone from shaking his legs was to replicate it at a faster pace. Anu had that option but she did not exercise it probably conceding it as a matter of right. Talking of doing what gives happiness, the best are people who pick their teeth in full public view. I have seen some of them opening their mouths as if they are a close cousin of a hippo in wrenching out what ever gets embedded in their teeth. When their battle with that resistant piece of whatever reaches a climax, they groan at their inability to open the mouth wider!

I agree with you that it is a pity that a lot of gadgets have come to do the job that our mouths are fully equipped to handle. Thus denied of the opportunity to exercise the jaws, we try to compensate by yapping endlessly like this Rant

A French beard in Madurai in the 40's and 50's must have been a sight to behold! Your dad would have been a great trend setter. That was a period when Men of Madurai sported a clean shaven look with a handkerchief tucked between the collar and the neck to prevent the collar from getting soaked in the oil dripping from the hair!
Sri

 

Dear Veda
I have never felt closer to you than now on hearing about all the sound effect that accompanies your consumption of murukkus.Western movie buffs may like their movies without much of a sound effect but we love ear shattering noise in the climax scenes. We love our places of worship to be a cacophony of sounds. Making sound is our tradition. Why should people abhor making noise while eating? In fact, my daughters call me 'Sumeet' for my ability to compete with that efficient grinder in making noise while eating.

People eating fast are like drivers who drive very fast thinking that they can reach their destination before the petrol runs out! I understand how helpless you might have felt at being pitted against some like Gatothkachan that we have seen in Maya Bazaar. He just opens his mouth and all the food items just fly into his mouth!

But wearing a suit at 45 degrees and walking in it for a full hundred meters sounds more gruelling than the training of astronauts! Talking of all the sweat and smelling like a pig, I feel like repeating the words of Lady Macbeth in a slightly modified way,
" Here’s the smell of the sweat still; all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand."!
Sri

 

Dear LS
Till the end of last century, people used to say that if liquid dishes like rasam and payasam were not allowed to flow down the elbow, the quality of those dishes would be considered below par. The massive advent of spoons, forks and knives took away the thrill of eating. If you go to a Star hotel and observe the array of knives and forks around the plate, you would wonder if you had stepped into the dining hall of a Law College hostel where these weapons would come handy just in case the students start attacking each other!

Nice to know that Sivaguru is a traditional man like me! My school teacher always recommended use of our hands for eating as he considered the hotel spoons were the greatest careers of diseases. I continue to follow his recommendations till date!
Sri

 

Dear Shreya
That FB of yours has indeed come as a shot in the arm for me! When someone tells me 'the obvious urge was to check out your forum', what more can I ask for by way of an endorsement of my ramblings?

The scenario is slightly different these days. For the affluent spoilt brats, there is no one to tell them how to behave. For the people in the lower strata of society economically, there is no time to worry about behaviour. The middle class children continue to be under strict surveillance. They are the ones who bother about an image when they grow up.

The affluent spoilt brats drive around in their swank BMWs killing pavement dwellers by the dozen. Sanjay Dutts are never without unlicensed AK 47s! They get away with murder. On the other extreme, the guys of the slums have to become dadas if they need to survive. The poor middle class guys have to live up to the image that has been thrust upon them!

Very rarely the rebel in us surges ahead but he is put down firmly by all the years of upbringing! And life goes on!
Sri

 

Dear Kamal
In fact for writing this stuff on etiquette, I went to the chai shop to drink my hot tea from the saucer! Your revelation that you too belong to my clan has indeed brought you closer to me! After all, what is the mirror for if not for making faces at ourselves? And you seem to have a valid reason too for doing that. I can't agree with you more that the best time to subject our faces to a close scrutiny is when sitting in the car waiting for someone. Our car is literally our kingdom!

Talking of your having any reservation about attending Her Majesty's party, I remember that fantastic movie 'The Roman Holiday'. Audrey Hepburn as a princess itching to get footloose simply stole our hearts. That final scene where she looks at Gregory Peck wistfully was so touching indeed.

If I can manage a place with heavily mirrored walls for my rendezvous with you, it would be great fun watching you go hunting for that solitary hair at the wrong place in your face!
Sri