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How do I handle this?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sihi, Nov 2, 2008.

  1. veditha09

    veditha09 New IL'ite

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    Hi

    I have seen that many men no matter what the occasion is start drinking whether it is a b'day party or Diwali Party or a social gathering.

    Even I don't find a solution for this problem.

    Luckily I don't have to face this as my hubby is a gem. He doesn't drinks or smokes.

    But we do feel uncomfortable with these drinks in the parties.

    If u 'll discuss this with ur husband as u said it may not solve but may worsen the situation.

    But if ur desi ladies are good and matured enough to understand just bring this point and just get to know what they feel.

    If they feel the same then it will be very easy for you to break the Thursdays plans.

    I have seen some ladies who encourage their husbands to drink when they r depressed or in some tensions.

    Don't know what to say.

    Some don't mind at all.

    And I have seen some who drink with their husbands just to accompany.

    I don't get this.

    But try to discuss this with ur friends.

    All the best
    Veda.
     
  2. CarpeDiem

    CarpeDiem Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Sihi,

    Just read your PM as well. I'm actually really very happy for you that things are now slowly getting better and the healing process is going on. Especially now I know how careful you need to be in order to not stir a hornet's nest.

    Coming to this problem, I can understand how frustrating it must be for you. Just recently we went to a friend's son's 1st b'day party and I was surprised and how they were serving drinks there. Whatever happened to a nice old fashioned children centered event! My advice to you would be to limit going to such parties if your hubby's drinking makes you uncomfortable. If these parties are very frequent, and you don't want to go to all of them, I'm sure you can make up some excuses. Also slowly when you and hubby are in a good mood, you can casually mention that you don't feel very comfortable when he drinks often and leave it at that. No need to tell him that you want him to stop it and all that.

    Good Luck !
     
  3. sihi

    sihi Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for the replies CarpeDiem and Veda. Yeah I honestly think on the same line as you gals too. How can anyone serve alcholic drinks in a child's function/event? Is serving drinks considered "upscale"? If this is what is upscale and high-class, then sorry to say this, but i feel very strongly abt all this. Rant

    I am not a saint here myself...I have tasted all the drinks myself and I dont my mind hubby or anyone taking alcholic beverages sometimes occasionally.

    Anyway, as CarpeDiem suggested, I am actually planning to cutdown our involvement in these potluck events. I did raise this topic in the last event with ladies, when all the men suddenly vanished to goto another neighbors house for drinks. All the wives were like "I mean they just had it 2 weeks ago...not again" kind of expression. But I felt no one wants to really take the step ahead to say anything as they beleive its not a high-class thing to do and also if they say anything out, then they will considered as a "old fashioned" maybe. But I did make a remark saying "all this is nonsense" and left it at that. I thought no point in making a fuss at the first time itself, but for sure if it goes on like this...I will raise this topic and maybe also tell everyone how I feel strongly abt all this...esp in front of kids and I dont feel comfortable and its against my policies of bringing up our kid. ...thats it. If everyone else want to continue, then its their own choice...I am not for it. If we are parents do this...then why do we have problems when our kids grow up and drink or date or going to latenight proms etc? We should not have right? Even that should be a "high-class" thing according to what we are doing now? What answer will we be able to give our kids when they ask the same question to us then?

    Also I did put this thought in my hubby's brain too...by telling him.bonk Lets see what and how he reacts.

    Sihi
     
  4. sihi

    sihi Senior IL'ite

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    Forgot to add one more thing...I will leave the choice to my hubby when I tell him of me and kid not going to such events. He can go if he wants to go...its upto him. But atleast I am not going to give him company with such things....and as far as I know him...He will not go alone! so hopefully it will cut it down...lets see.
    If not, then I might try Chocolate's idea...but first let me try this way and see. He might take it in the wrong way if I arrange such events myself, thinking that I am supporting him and he might do more and more. Who knows.
    Thinking abt all this...staying in US, we ourseves are crossing the limits of I feel, but then expect our kids to follow them and be in limits? how ridiculous is this. When we do its highclass...but when our kids do it in front of us, then its a big mistake!

    Regards,
    Sihi
     
  5. CarpeDiem

    CarpeDiem Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Sihi - I think this is a good idea. Cutting down on such parties or atleast not going with your daughter might change things. And also now that you have mentioned your displeasure to your hubby, I think things will change for the better (fingers crossed :).

    Take Care
     
  6. kolli143

    kolli143 Senior IL'ite

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    Wow sihi,
    looking at your posts, its surprising to see how some friends can be a bad influence even in adult life. I thought they can be a bad influence only in teenage.
    I am really happy to see how this forum is helping you come across your problem.
    I agree with chocolate that you have to follow the path that you want your kids to follow. So you not going to these parties is a good idea and might give a strong message to your DH.
    Good luck and keep us posted.
     
  7. sihi

    sihi Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for the replies ladies. I feel good that I am not the only lady thinking in these lines here.
    Anyways I have already taken steps to minimise our involvements in such gatherings....I dont want to encourage such things and not comfortable. If I and kid do not go...obivously my DH cannot go so freely also.

    Thanks again!
    Sihi
     

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