How to convince your husband?

N@!Sr! · Aug 3, 2008

Mine is a love marriage. I am from West Bengal and my hubby is from Andhra Pradesh. Initially no one from my husband's side agreed for our marriage but somehow my husband came for the marriage and his parents accompanied him for the same.
Thats the begining of my DEVASTATING life!!!!
We were not allowed to stay together as per my MIL's order and my husband had no say on that. Then my hubby moved to Middle East where he had been working for 1 year already. I had been begging him to take me with him, but I received only refusal.The only statement my in laws had that they havent officially accepted our marriage though they all attended the wedding and ate to their heart's content in the event .:-D
During those 4-5 days of my marriage, I noticed that my MIL used to send my hubby to a different room and take me to another one. Then she used to start all sorts of her nonsense questions as to how much money her son gives me, if my sister is studying with her son's money,if my father would give his flat to me or my sister etc.... which used to be highly annoying to me. I told all these to my hubby and surprisingly he did not trust me. After my hubby came to Middle East, she started all these nonsense over the phone(I was in Bangalore n my In laws in Vizag) and none of the time my husband would trust me.
Somehow through immense fights, I convinced my hubby to get my visa for Middle East and had gave up my flourishing career of 5 +years in Bangalore.
I stopped mentioning these things to my husband, however after a year of staying together, my sis in laws wedding ceremony came into picture.
My husband decided to attent his sis's wedding without me as I was not approved of any leave. I begged and requested him not to leave me alone in this foreign world but nothing seems to have worked for him. My hubby's only answer was "Leave the job and come with me."

Please advice how should I deal with this kind of a man? I often get surprised when I think how I loved him so much when he has no consideration for me infront of his family. His family comes first and second hand priority is me.

vids · Oct 3, 2008

Hello dear,

I read your post because there were so many views and the reply count was "0". I am not much experienced in giving advice but didnt want to leave without replying (even though its been 2 months since u asked this question)

I can only infer that you did not get to know your dH well during courtship...

I dont understand how could your mil do that to you guys! She was also a newly-wed at one point in her life and should think about how bad it is to keep you both separated..!

I can only say that I am sorry to hear about your story...
Hope the seniors here give you some good solutions!!!

Love,
Vidhya

scorpiogal · Oct 3, 2008

Hi

Don't leave your job .Looks like UR DH is unclear .He is the one to be blamed .I can't imagine how can he leave you after marriage .

Don't make anymore complaints to him .Deal with ur In laws directly.

Be cold with them and make some good friends who can help you when they your Hubby is away .

Talk to him and be very very clear on who's side he should take .IF he blindly supports his MOM on every issue then sorry you made the wrong choice .

When approaching be assertive instead of being aggressive

And nip this problem in the bud .

MY sister had the same problem and she is been married for 20 years and still her MIL is behaving the sameway and my jijaji is mama's boy until this day and my sister almost got used to that miserbale life that she has no say now .Please don't leave that to happen with you .Be brave and Ill definetly pray for you

:thumbsup

sh2004 · Oct 3, 2008

One thing is for sure your inlaws don't want you to attend his sisters marriage for sure, so this is the trick being played by whole family.

May be your husband knows you dont want to leave your job so he is having this condition, dont go with him and dont leave your job.

try no to stop him going to his sisters marriage, because even though if you stop he will go so try to be good and win him.

so that when he come back from India nobody wash his brain.

armummy · Oct 4, 2008

Hi n@sr!

It is no use asking your husband not to go for his sister's wedding. That is an important part of his life and he would go definetly.

I am not sure how many of your husband's relatives know that you guys are married. I think you should take this opputunity and go attend the sisters wedding to make sure Sisters inlaws know that there is a dauther in law in house too. This may help in your in laws accepting you as DIL publicly.

If you cannot go for the entire duartion as your husband Atleast go for few days.

If you are unable to go , Don't fret. You have been there for a year and I think you can manage. And don'y make your husband think that you caanot survive without him.

Cheers

N@!Sr! · Oct 4, 2008

Thank you for all your replies ladies... I did manage for 5 days leave +2 weekends thru immense request to my boss and attended the marriage. However, its a different story about what happend in the event though.

Some of you are true.. that I did not understand this guy that he is a mama's boy while I was dating. The fact is he never let me feel that he was so coz he was very detached from his family when he was in college. I don't know what happend suddenly at the time of our marriage when the ball went into my in-laws's court.