My Inlaws are always winning....

hey renu,

dont get so bothered.. cheer up dear..it may b ok with all other things...but naming ur son must b a matter in which u must involve ...right?.... so try to convince ur hubby and later u both can convince her ... right...u do 1 thing ...in India we generally name a kid with two seperated words like..Sai nikinth...Sri Vatsav...Harshil krishna.....so try to add her name either it may b 1st r last and later on u can call him by the name which u like....:thumbsup

 

Renu ,

Wy do you even compete with her ? Why do you feel she is " winning " ? What do you want ? just to make her lose or things normal for you. If she is right in few things then what is the problem in buying it ?? If she is wrong then just be firm and say you disagree and dont do it ! Why is that so difficult ? Dont tell me you are not allowed to make decisions.. Your post is not so clear and just puts out your frustration but doesnt justify it ! I suppose you would get lot more suggestions if you are more transparent .. Take care ..

 

Hi Renu,

What happened dear? I thought you had refused the travel plans made by your SIL...

I think one area where you need to focus on is to be firm about your decisions and not peter them down after your in-laws blackmail you. There is no need to be goody-goody about it sometimes...or pipe down your desire to please them all the time...

From your previous posts, I gathered that you also feel very guilty about standing up for yourself...Stop doing that!! Are your in-laws able to twist you around their fingers because they are bowing down to your wishes?? Nopes. They are doing what THEY want to do PLUS are forcing YOU to do what they want you to do KNOWING youu are hating it!! What kind of love or caring is this??

Its good to learn to say No. It is better yet to learn to stick by it. Once they know that you will not budge, they will know better than to try the next time. But if you keep changing your mind and plans, they will keep trying to make you dance to their tunes...

People often talk of compromise and adjusting...I too believe in it...but only in areas where it enriches our lives and others...if it makes you happier in the long run (which shouldn't be tooo long ofcourse)... There is a time to be accepting and soft natured and there is a time to be assertive and firm.
You shouldn't be too much of only one all the time...mix and match is good.

Hope this helps,
Aarushi

 

Dear Renu ,

Your earlier post was so short and so I did not understand what the problem was.. Then I went throug your other posts as well.. About the plans made by your SIL.. probably if you hated her this much you should have made it clear that you are doing your own plans before she did anythin at all. Well.. guess you said no and then said you will go ahead.. I back Aarushi's reply on this.. You are not firm ! You cant dilly dally this way, Renu ! Either you say yes or no and stick by it ! You cannot be so confused ' all the time ' ! Yes.. dearie you have the world's right to be with you parents.. I dont know how firm you will be even if suggestions pour in for you .. Why dont you opt out of few " visitng relatives " plans and go ahead and b with your parents ! Regardless of wether your husband wants to join you or not ! Tell them you have few plans of your own and prefer to go ahead with it and dont need any opinions on this ! Now you cant say you need everything.. like be with your husband , dont want to let him alone with his family, want him to come to your parents' house, etc etc.. You will have to prioritise here.. " What do you think is possible right now " ? Ask this to yourself... and be firm, Renu ! Whatever you decide to do.. go ahead and be prepared to handle the consequences.. Tell your husband you do not want any arguments just as him and so want to do things by yourself too ! Avoid talking to your SIL and dont let yourself down infront of her !

 

hey renu

leave all those things until u leave and let it happen as its own way..don't bother yaar for the things..be chilled yaar ...ofcourse its easy to say but hard to implement...still keep trying...

 

Don't turn your interactions with ur in laws into a battle about winning/losing..If you take it like that, then you've to be prepared to be grumpy about it life long..

Forget about what has already happened..Try to mend the relationship as much as possible when you to their place...This time around when you go to India, do take part in a few of the activities that they've lined up for you..Go with them to a couple of temples, visit a couple of relatives.. be enthusiastic and make them feel that you like doing stuff with them, make a genuine attempt to enjoy their company... and then slowly see if you can politely excuse yourself from accompanying them for the rest of the trips..you can make any excuse like something imp came up at your parents' place, or that you are unwell...

That way, you won't feel guilty about to totally disregarding ur husbands and in-laws wishes...and u can have your way too..

--uragem

 

I THINK WE ARE SAILING IN THE SAME BOAT WHICH has big hole which makes you drown any time, don't try to take out water from boat just try to close hole. with strong concrete.

you know after seeing all these dramas of inlaws I feeling like gather all sister inlaws and inlaws together and close them in a jail.

for you its only your inlaws for me even his cousins and all other relatives, you know its so irritating.

 

Its okay dear..Make your own decision and stick to them firmly.Tell them clearly what you like and what not.If you don't speak out..nobody knows what you feel.
But remember never to be rude.
And 1 most important thing..don't let your ego come in this..think from every aspect ..all postive and negative points of what you like and what other like you to do.You will surely get the answer.
once you get the answer..Don't worry about hurting others because you are also hurt now.
Its nothing wrong in making wrong decisions sometimes..
Even if you are wrong in some decisions what will happen at the most?At least you will be satisfied and happy and you can always say sorry afterwards..
You learn with your mistakes dear.
But if you always give your decisions in the hands of others..You will never become confident and mature enough and may have to face the same problem all over your life.
Nobody can take advantage of you until and unless you let them do it.