How To Deal With Relatives Who Come After $$$ After Parents Death

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by SuiDhaaga, Mar 19, 2023.

  1. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    Heart Surgery - TAVR -trans-aortic valve replacement for calcified, tight aortic valve

    SCARY PART: Happens to 1 in 10 people as they age (cannot be avoided even with healthy diet and exercise)
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2023
  2. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Still it's less invasive than open heart surgery.
    Plan to take good care of him once he is home.
    Think only about that.
    Why do you care about relatives calls now.
     
  3. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Best wishes. He will recover.
     
    drdiva and SuiDhaaga like this.
  4. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    My Dad is scared he will not make it. Other on IL assured me that lot of old people think this way.

    But then my Dad was upset at how I turned out. He said that relatives, family, even his own Mother said why is he taking care of me, he should have his own life (my birth mother is a toxic piece of work, anyone would divorce).

    He kept saying that he is worried once he is gone, how will I survive, i.e. there are snakes everywhere. I did not tell anyone in family, etc, etc about the procedure. Because people blab and blab and blab. And there are relatives who pray he will not make it and will celebrate his death.

    Hence my concern about relatives smelling blood once my Dad is gone. He himself said he is alive another two days.

    I am planning to take off after the procedure to care for Dad

    YouTUBE has happy videos about people who underwent TAVR, but the healing time can take months, depending on the person

    I plan to take as much from work as possible to help him recover.
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    "Typical Punjabi woman" means?
     
  6. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    Nasty, rude, arrogant, narcissistic.

    False pride of being Punjabi based in India’s history of Punjabis being warriors defending India, farmers feeding most of India. Certainly applies to males

    Based on my life experiences compared to people from other parts of India.

    Even other Punjabis echo this same sentiment. After my marriage fell apart a Punjabi girl told me Punjabis are biggest crooks for Green Card. When they get to USA they milk the system meant to help those who are unable to work.
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2023
  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    OK.
     
  8. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    Ok? That’s all you wanted to know?
     
  9. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @SuiDhaaga,

    Anyone who is telling an autistic child shouldn't be taken care is heartless and inhuman. You should stay as far away as possible from these relatives who advised your dad to do so. Irrespective of what advice your dad got, he showered his love to you and took good care of you and continue to be worried about you because he was going through a difficult procedure. Please give him assurance that you are fine with or without him but keep telling him that he would definitely recover from this procedure.

    I am glad you are taking time off from work to look after your dad post procedure care. Tell him not to think negatively about the outcome of the procedure and give him confidence that many have so well recovered after the procedure. Show him all the video evidences you had seen to him.

    God forbids, if anything happens to your dad, are you planning to let his relatives and your mom's relatives know about it? You will be blamed for life if you don't and if you do, you are voluntarily contacting these relatives. It is a difficult situation to be in. I know there will be a lot of verbal abuse if they were to come. But why are you concerned about them claiming money from your dad's wealth? Does your dad has a written will? Who are the beneficiaries in his will if he has one?

    But it is best to focus only on your dad's procedure for now.
     
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  10. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    These relatives are horrible. Fortunately they are so far they are far. far away. When they do talk they say what a good daughter I am . I feel like telling them, "no thanks to you. If my Dad would have listened to you, God-knows what would have happened to me - and perhaps my Dad!"


    I need to learn to put a brave face. Even now and then my Dad jokes around, but I am so serious and uptight. Right now we have appointment for type and screen blood test (Dr needs to determine what special blood type my Dad is to match donor blood in case they need to do blood transfusion), and I am freaked out by the logistics, i.e. what if we are not on time, what if there is too much crowd.

    I spoke with Manager of the pre-admin facility who said she will get Dad in and out as he is old and a heart patient. I hope it works out today (in a few hours actually!)


    God-forbid if something happens I will NOT tell any relatives. My biological-mother will blab blab blab, but here I have to protect myself. If anyone calls I will not pick up the phone. Honestly I don't even want to think about this. I don't care about the abusive words they use (it is their mother-tongue, not Tamil, Telugu, Hindi, etc)

    My Dad has will and I am beneficiary. But I am so scared I heard of cases where disgruntled relatives harass by taking beneficiaries to court. I can expect anything from these horrible people.

    I am praying that the operation is a success, but are worried about the vultures circling us.
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2023
    chanchitra likes this.

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