@anika987, Its not normal. Also, there are many annual courses on workplace safety, sexual harrasment, what to do etc, which every one has to attend.. I work with men all the time, I never faced this issue. But, recently I attented a few pressntations on it indicating that even other american women are facing this issue in educational/ research/ technical area/ institutions. So, I dont neglect these kind of ongoing uncomfortable situations. Any, flirting uncomfortable to you, can be considered harrassment and you can report to HR and ask their suggestions The first two questions can be handled easily like others mentioned, dont explain too much. The third one, is not good. You should tell him to stop . If he continues tell him clearly you dont like these kind of jokes or walk away. Asking you a personal question in good tone is not flirting. It can be just curiosity. I have also faced question on how arranged marriage works. Even women asked me that question. Take it easy. .but Indian men should be aware of it. Dont take it very seriously. But if you face the third situation stop them right there and avoid interaction with that person in a professional way. We should learn to give it back and protect us from these kind of situations. Many men test waters by talking like this, if they find you as a tough nut to break, they will leave. If you are uncomfortable you can leave that place. Only you can decide. But how long you run? Be bold . So, try to face it in a smart way and if its too much report. Keep looking for jobs if you cant handle it, may be a better position is waiting for you.
Why was the chain in the cafeteria? How did he know it was yours? The "my heart skipped a beat" was part of his comment, or that is your comment to us here? As for his comment, maybe by souvenir he meant it is his to keep, as in finders keepers. Still not a welcome comment. Those comments seem to be normal and friendly banter in that workplace. There's not much you can do to change it. You wrote that if a young and well-dressed customer comes in, they talk casually about her looks after she leaves. The same could happen when a customer is a handsome and hunky well-dressed male who talks nicely. After he leaves, female employees could collectively swoon over him in a theatrical manner, and there may be some banter about male looks and attractiveness. The men in the office will shake their heads at the unrealistic comments from the women and laugh it off. Neither of the above two scenarios is appropriate for an office environment. However, unless an employee complains, HR especially in small companies won't do anything. I personally would put up with it for the training and work-experience and to avoid the hassle of searching for another job already without an impressive resume. I would identify one or two female colleagues to get to know better, and broach the issue with them after we are more familiar with each other.
Yes Indians do that. I have had experiences like that. After some years some folks think, just because this is a open country , they can say anything. And Sorry to say some women do fall for it and end up in affairs too. Now after covid, it reduced a bit. If there is a specific person, show them their place. Have a 1 one 1 talk, then warn. I have done that. I do not like getting messed in my personal affairs in flirtish ways. That does not mean i am serious, my tamil male friends mock my dh for cleaning and lot of things, but i know their intentions are friendly and brotherly. If he still thinks he is super cool dude, go ahead and take action. do not be afraid. Quitting is easy but then you will have inner voice that will keep criticizing you. Quit or change only if you are in VISA. I am specific on this because if you are GC or Citizen, change in work will not affect your stay in country.
It is a gut feeling ok. Some of my very good friends which i made in my work assignments, mock me like anything atleast for first 2 pts. infact they side my dh and mock me. they are almost family. i have been to their kids birthdays . but they know their limits. it is ok to be sensitive when it is an inappropriate flirty comment.
Can you go back to the other place? This new workplace doesn’t look worth the trouble, TBH! You are new and haven’t invested too much time in this place. It’s better to get out now rather than tough it out. You don’t have much at stake if you leave now. How did you find this assignment? Continue looking, find the next one soon and leave this place behind you. Don’t stay when you are uncomfortable! Everyone has varying tolerance levels and varying levels of what they consider to make them uneasy. You can’t go by other people’s yardsticks. Use your own judgement!
It is my chain and he had complimented that chain some days back.It has quite a unique design and whatever I said here exactly happened without any exaggeration. I don’t know how my words here are interpreted in the thread but I could tell a difference.I have worked before and never experienced this and workplace was quite professional also.
I could tell a difference…he mentioned that his life is lot of Fun.He won’t hurt his family but he likes to keep fun on the side and lifted his eyebrows..could sense a gesture.Am Just trying to confirm it in this thread..I have heard and read about women and how men behave at workplace even in IL but when am There at that position..it is cringe. Even otherwise it hurts when society normalizes this behavior anywhere and even my friends say it happens everywhere..just let it go but small issue or big..don’t women require safety emotionally and physically…just felt to share.
Hi laks.. My only requirement is quite a professional environment. Am Still in on going training and they have invested a lot of time..so am uneasy to quit and don’t know what reason I can give also plus the hours are very flexible and suits my family situation..am going to keep looking though..
if my idea or definition of fun is watching PO.R.N, should i include you because you are not my family and my family is not affected and i do not care how it affects you as a person. show him his place, if it is repeated. do not quit.
@anika987 this is a very unprofessional environment. You don't need to give any reason to quit or if you feel like, you can mention the inapppropriate behavior and comemnts of your colleagues. I have been working in the USA for last 17 years and have worked with people (men and women) from many cultures. Except for a few instances where someone made a stupid joke, i have never seen this kind of behavior. We all joke and have fun, tease soemtimes but nothing suggestive. I am leading my own group for last 8 years and as an authority figure I would not tolerate sexual or off color (explicit or not) comments. In my 8 years, I had to speak with only one of my colleagues (subpordinate) when I learned that they have made some comments that were uncomfortable to one female. He had mentioned a cooking show where people cook naked or something like that....Someone else who heard that conversation and felt weird reported to me. I met with the individual who was at the receiving end and also with the one who made the comment separately. Once I confirmed that this was not exagerrated by a third source, I asked the commentor to take training in work place ettiquates and sexual harrasment. He did all the trainings, wrote me a formal apology, and never made any uncomfortable comments in last 5 years he has been with me. I value him as a scientist and colleague and respect him but I also want to have an inclusive environemnt where everyone feels safe and heard. Sometimes people don't know that the off color jokes are not appreciated by everyone. You need to take a stand if you want to continue working in this office. If you feel uncomfortable saying soemthing directly, talk to your manager and let them handle it.
