Two Topics - Help Me With Time Management So I Can Move Past My Sadness

Now I realize it is best to meet people who are local, ie in school, work, from any outside activities, etc


10 years ago I though my search was over and finally I was entering Heaven

Instead I’ve been plunged into Hell.

Most people get married in early 30s and have children shortly thereafter. I thought I would fit into that mold.

Person married only for GC, was cheating and abusive. I was pressured to get pregnant so he can get green card. There was never love during physical moments, only insults like, “you have no power in your legs”.

Later when I told my relatives they took his side and said I should do leg exercises.

He never earned a penny for me, never lifters a finger around the gphours and spent whole day watching p0rn, talking to all people back in India, having affair with his married girlfriend, and going on zoosk dating website.

Even though that evil loser is gone from my life (after 1 yr waiting to come to US plus 8 months leeching off of me) I still get triggered by the miscarriage I suffered. Baby would have turned 8 this Oct 8, 2922.

Only now I see glimmers of hope, but they seem false.

And now I am overwhelmed my job, home responsibilities. Due to poor time management skills I end up creating more work for myself and nothing gets done. I feel such sadness that sometime I think it will be a miracle if I see my 50th birthday.

Hence I don’t have time to go back to school or get involved in some activities that would allow me to meet local men (to possibly fall in love and marry)

It would be a dream to go for PhD in Computer Science. During my 10 years of sadness I got wiser and I think I would be a great candidate.

Any ideas?



How do I get better at time management to

• I do things proactively
• I avoid creating extra work for myself
• When I am done with one task, I have time but I am exhausted. How do I get energy to do the next task?

Therapist can never help. They don’t understand our culture and values for hard work and success.



Look at all the Desis in Medicine and Engineering after coming to USA in such a short time, despite being insulted throughout childhood by their American classmates, etc!

 

See, a guy can be abusive to one woman, but prince charming to another

This is what irks me

I know it's called a "personality trait"

Take for example a specialist we visited. He is Desi, roughly my age, and my family was even curious about him for my matrimonial (though they did not say it directly)


Meanwhile he is super-nice to the hospital staff.

He even called us personally before our appointment is plead for us to come early because he had "emergency surgery"

But I notice at the tail end of the appointment he ignored the patient. He was looking in my direction. I am not sure if he was looking at me (I was looking at the patient), or he was zoned out.

Later I kept checking and checking his FB profile. His Mother has impressive education and job (head of dept in a major US university), his sister is Specialist and her husband is also Specialist.

Then I saw he is hiding the fact that
1. he is married
2. he has a small child

He is married to a fellow Specialist, a lovely lady, yet he is hiding it from the world.

I googled them and a resort website shows all the lovely pictures from their wedding. Yet not a single photo on his public-facing FB profile!

However his sister's profile shows she is married. His sister's husband shows him in a picture with his wife on a boat. So this is normal to show significant other on FB, yet he is hiding it.

And I bet he gaslighted his lovely wife to also hide her marital status on FB. She even uses her non-married name!

Someone tagged him in a photo with him, his wife, his baby.

And something else. His profile pic shows he is wearing sunglasses. That itself is a red flag. It usually mean a guy is hiding something

This was my false glimmer of hope, but I'm glad I realized about this person sooner.


About my ex, he is a loser who cannot get cashier job at a convenience store.

I understand how to move on - get busy and be around new people

The thorn on my side is time management. Between job, housework, caregiving, I need to find time to improve myself.

Hence my request for Time Management tips.

This will truly heal a broken heart!

 

We weren't officially seeing this guy for matrimony - it just so happens the Specialist is also similar age, similar background from India.

Our interactions were Doctor - Patient only.

But I was Curious George and kept checking his name on FB.

That is when I connected the dots.

The person knows how to talk really nice to get what he wants, i.e. Patient who is already frail and struggling must come in even earlier. Then he is asking how we will travel, whether I took off from work.

At the end of the appointment he is ready to zoom out. Doesn't even shake the patient's hand.

 

Your story sounds worse than mine.

It sounds like a nightmare.

You meet local men and then they ghost you!!!!!!

It's ironic, you found marriage on Bharat Matrimony. Perhaps your Husband likes you more than you like him.

Lot of people say that marriages, relationships, etc are more likely to work if the Man likes the Woman more, not vice versa.

You are right, the guys who seem fun are not really fun.

I see lot of photos where guys are in restaurants with a group of "friends", where they are in bar with a group of "friends", where they are holding liquor bottle with a bunch of "friends"

What impressed me about this Specialist is his accomplishments. And of course he is socialable because he knows how to talk to people to get what he wants. In looks he is actually 1 or 2 out of 10. But my respect for him gave me the attraction.

First respect, then attraction.

But now i lost respect for him because he is hiding the fact that he is married and has a baby. And he got married just before COVID.

And when he wrote notes about the Dr's appointment, his notes aren't even accurate.

This guy is a good talker, but not a very good listener (to his patients at least!). And he got medical license just before COVID.



I pray you find the spark and happiness with your current marriage and somehow you get baby you've always dreamed of.