Am Shattered!

Am sorry you are going through this Jasmin. I cried reading this post. First and foremost please take care of your health now. You won't have interest for any thing I know. But to handle this crisis, and to handle the kids, you need to eat well. If you have an individual bank account, please don't help your husband from that. Secure that. Whatever investments is left, ask your husband to transfer it to your name, and also if there are any ancesterol properties, ask your in laws to transfer your h's share to your name. Did your husband disclose his marital status to her before starting all this? If yes now that she has let your side of the family know about the affair, she can't threaten him of the secret. If no is she threatening to go to the police? Is she having any proof against him? Now that the biggest shock is already received, ask your husband to tell everything and decide which all can be used against him by the girl? If possible do a background check of the girl. Is this her first affair or is she having any criminal background, because we hear these sort of stories too in daily news.
These are your priorities. I know how difficult will it be to talk all these things with your husband. But swallow this bitter pill, it will definitely help you to take decisions.
I don't know if we can say what you need to decide about your marriage. But all I can say is, that decision can wait. As of now don't give any hope to your husband. Once you sort the financial issues, take up a job if you already don't have one. Pursue some hobbies. Clear up your mind and then decide. Even if you wish to stay with him, don't get bogged down by people saying anything about your self respect. People will always have something to say about any decision we take. But only we will know our situation. Don't be sad for people's judgements. You have heard about the EMA, nothing is going to be more worse. So stay strong. All my prayers for you dear.

 

Be strong. One more point. If he says something, ask for evidence . Nothing else. Dont share your thoughts. Collect all and save in a safe place, chats, audio, video if any, screen shots, his messages to you. Ask him you cant talk and message you. Keep every thing as proof. Never delete it. ( example Google drive with pass word). We never know what future will bring to us. So its better to he prepared. Save chats as screenshots.
You can also do a check. Is she married or who is she? It may help you to face this tough situation better.
You deserve answers and save those in a safe place.Also, demand trasparency. Be practical
Now, you and your kids are your priority.

 

You can message the admins @Cheeniya , @Induslady

 

Unfortunately, if I understand it correctly, IL policy doesn't allow threads to be deleted but it can be closed for further replies, if required. But don't be afraid of the lady reading this thread. Be courageous. You did nothing wrong. Since this thread is annonimous, it is difficult for her to identify you. Even if there is remote chance, what can she do more than what she had done already? You need to take control of the finances as soon as possible anyway. The threat from her was based on exposing him to his family which she had already done. I am not sure what other things she possesses to threaten your husband. Whatever it is, he has to face the music for what he had done.

But if you already suspect that this thread is read by her and you face an imminent problem because of this thread, you may approach the management as suggested by @stayblessed.

One thing that bothers me the most is this. Generally, I always advice the couples to get to know each other well for an effective married life and trusting each other is #1 condition for a successful marriage. In your situation, you knew him from his childhood. The question I ask myself is whether this familiarity, knowing your deep trust and love for him, made him take you for granted. May be, every married women should keep a watchful eye for change in behavior, attitude, temperment, etc. despite a perfect understanding. You have seen some symptoms but because of your implicit faith, you didn't probe into it. In this situation, your trust and faith are taken as weaknesses by your husband. I don't find words to express my feelings for what you are experiencing now.