1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Am I Doing Something Wrong ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Aug 15, 2021.

  1. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,917
    Likes Received:
    3,997
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    He has signed off from this marriage / relationship from you. Isn't it evident to you. He is there just to maintain his family status or kids. Only he knows. You need to accept it and stop going after him. You need to focus on you and rebuild your life than chasing a dead marriage.

    Consulting attorneys , they can sometimes help with private detectives and advice you on legal consequence of monitoring another person. You should be aware of the financial consequence.

    If you are ready to leave marriage you can proceed. If not its risky. Also, when a person is monitoring his/ her spouse, its a toxic relationship, its better to move on than chasing the unknown ( possible addition, affair, or anything else ) and hurt and loose yourself in this process.

    You are not helping yourself. Counselling/ therapy may help you. Focus on your career,growth, health and kids.

    I am not qualified to asses if your h is narcistic or not. But he dont have any love/ respect or empathy towards you. It will be better if you educate( watch youtube videos/ read about it) yourself on how to live with a narcistic person till you decide on your next step. Those approaches will give ideas on how to help youself in this situation.
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2022
  2. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    979
    Likes Received:
    124
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes I did think he was narcissist from online searches.
     
  3. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,265
    Likes Received:
    763
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, my ex was like this. He was Dependent on my visa. I had a joint account with him to which he never shared the password. My whole salary went to it but he yelled at me if I spent any of my own money without his permission. One day I opened my account and stated depositing half my salary in there. He exploded. Did not allow me to buy my own car so I was depended on him for going anywhere. He isolated me from all my friends. Would not share in household responsibilities. Yelled at me when I tried going for counseling. Yelled and yelled and shook me or threatened me if I tried to do even one thing to better myself. I could not even go for a walk without being terrified that he would find out and yell at me.

    verbal abuse can knock your brain cells off so I hear you. And also feel your fear in trying to not “rock the boat” as you call it. As domestic violence victims, we become experts in trying not to rock the boat and hoping things will change.

    but here is the reality. Things will only get worse with this man. He is extremely, extremely abusive and toxic. Your mind is frozen with fear and expectations towards your parents and that they would want you to stay married. You have to break free of this paralysis.

    do not for the love of god, give any money to this man.

    Record him when he is abusing you on your phone even if it’s just audio.

    Contact (1) domestic violence hotline (2) local Desi/ non Desi womens organization for help(all major cities should have some kind) (3) Divorce lawyer- many give free/cheap first consultations (4) start saving your money to get out (5) find a counselor and start therapy ASAP
     
    lakshmi888, DDream and chanchitra like this.

Share This Page