Any Questions On Tourism In India?

This was taken from a tourism blog where people could post queries if they were planning on making a trip to India.
The answers are the actual responses on the website, who demonstrate tolerance and an excellent sense of humor:
Hilarious!!

Q: Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs in India? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore?(UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of…oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa, Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India? (UK)
A: You’re a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink in India.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A: Only during Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime day and night.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper. We have different grades