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Deal Breakers For You In A Friendship?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Metamorphic, Feb 3, 2022.

  1. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Look at the bright side .. bad people are the ones who make us stronger .... See? I can also poke people with toxic positivity. :grinning:
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2022
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  2. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Priority, Trust & reliability ... wow !
     
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  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Toxic Positivity!!!
    Thanks for introducing this new word.

    When my brother was devastated upon knowing her child had cancer, a doctor said, you are so lucky. The best pediatric cancer specialist is in Sri Lanka right now and I can get you an appointment.
    Another neighbor said, you are lucky, because your child is still under 5 and wouldn't know much about cancer. The diseases is curable, but the worry and anxiety about the word cancer is hard to fight. Your child will take this illness as just another cold or flu.
    One relative said, you are lucky. Because your wife is a stay at home woman. Imagine if it was a busy career woman like your sister (me). How can she spend time with the child and be the attentive parent during this time
    His colleagues said, you are lucky because you work with us. We will take care of your tasks, and don't worry. You just come to office as you please and take care of your family.
    Some people even said, you are lucky because the whole world wears face masks while your child is wearing one. This will not make her feel sick or uncomfortable.


    There were many many positive words from the friends and families that time. Each encouraged us that this battle is fightable, and assured the fact that, we are blessed to handle this in many ways.
    This positivity supported my brother & his family in the next 2 years to focus on this battle and at last they won. The child is cancer free and doing absolutely fine.

    At times of worry, it is important to inject positive vibes in persons who are down in negativity.
    Sometimes, the word "you can win" does magic than the word 'I can feel your pain".

    That's why I would never call positivity as toxic
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2022
  4. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    This thread is very interesting!so deal breakers will be :
    If friendship is consistently one-sided!
    Any type of relationship should be a two-way street, whether it's a platonic, familial, or romantic one. But if you find that a certain friendship is consistently one-sided, it may be time to say goodbye.
    If you're pouring energy into someone who isn't giving you the same treatment, it's not a mutual friendship!
    Trust betrayed:
    Trust is a big part of any kind of relationship, and once it's gone, it's hard to recover.
    Along the lines of being able to trust your friend, you want to make sure that they keep private things private!
    If you have a friend who is consistently negative without making efforts to change, it may be time for some distance!
    Sometimes , friends drift apart, whether you have less in common or life circumstances have changed. If you have little or nothing to talk about anymore, it may be a sign your friendship as you knew it has come to an end.
    Friends make you feel worse, not better! This one will be the best deal. Where friends become your critic and make you feel better!
     
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  5. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    If you want to understand toxic positivity watch this

     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I feel kind of responsible for the "toxic positivity" tangent briefly overshadowing the main question of this thread. : ) So, I reached into the recesses of my mind and found one more friendship deal breaker for me:

    The person's opinion about LGBTQ people and their rights. It is fine if the person does not believe in any of the aspects of LGBTQ life or disapproves of it. But they should not support laws that suppress LGBTQ rights. They should not vote for government that suppresses these rights. If the person tries to limit the freedom of others in this aspect, it is an immediate deal-breaker for me.
     
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  7. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    1. Breaking trusts
    2. Liars
    3. Giving unsolicited advice and opinions for everything and about everybody.
    4. Comparing lifestyle choices, assets like properties. In general comparison
    Gossip mongers
    5.Information extractors. They want to know all your information on the pretext of sharing. But they will never open their mouth on general questions like how was your weekend?
    6. People who look for small benefits but wont return the favors eg: school pickup drop, activities rides, grocery pickups , one case was worst didn't share gardener's phone number because they were underpaying him. Once you say no to them they won't look back at you. Will hop to New victim, parasites.
    7. People who constantly criticize about others to make themselves heros and stars.
    Eg: statement like "I would have done better" i would do my kid's birthday in 7 star hotel actually they would have bought cake in "walmart" won't even invite anyone.
    8. Double faced People, People who mimic others to make friendships.
    9. Definitely this is a deal breaker for me " People who ask personal question and won't take silence for answers " will shut up only when you snap.
    10.People who only seek when they are upset or have something negative to share. But will never share any positive information or happy occasions.
    11. People who call other race people in nicknames, stereotype others in the name of caste, creed, color, sexist and race. Sometimes I wonder what role model are they to their kids?
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2022
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  8. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Very true! I have a few of those. They continue to be in my contact list, not in my life. We used to be very close when we all stayed together before we all got married and moved out. But, after we moved out, none of them are interested in staying in touch probably because some are not comfortable long distance and just over phone. Whatever may be the reason, I don't feel it right. Not seeing each other much often should not affect the fundamental affection and warmth you have for that person. So, I don't see any justification of thier behaviour. I called, messaged and tried to be in touch but some of them appear to be responding only with one liners. I finally stopped. So, I agree with what you said.

    Yes, once gone, it's hard to recover.

    True, but we find less and less of these folks these days .... who can build you as a person
     
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  9. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    That's so very nice of you R ..

    Not just that aspect trying to limit the freedom in any aspect is uncomfortable & unacceptable. I don't necessarily agree with all that my friends believe or follow .. say if I am friends with a person. Both of us know aspects we agree on and aspects we don't really share the same view. To the extent possible those matters we don't agree we avoid, because we know we both are strong personalities and there is high chance that we might offend each other while making a point.

    Friendship is not just about celebrating similarities, it's about respecting differences too!
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2022
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  10. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Quite a list @Vedhavalli . But, yes the list has some real nasty personalities which I cannot stand as well esp. looking down upon people or mocking people of different caste, gender, race & colour. Actually, for me, these kinds get filtered in the initial days itself without taking things forward into friendship.
     
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