S**

If he is not respectful to you, and physically abuses you, how can he expect to have sex with you.?

 

I have seen some of your other threads. You should tell your H "there are many things we 'don't have enough' in this marriage, I am ready to talk, are you?"

 

Here are your options
1. Speak to him to resolve issue
2. Stay as you are and get ready for consequences
No point in asking strangers whose fault it is.

 

Such issues could be handled by person to person conversation. Most of the time its just hesitation fueled by some form of ego that prevents the couples from even bringing up the topics. He may have some vision or expectations from you just like you have and that needs to be talked out. Its not unusual for men to behave like what you have said however just a look inwards may reveal that there could be certain things you could do and extend yourself towards him giving him an indication. Plain vanilla $** is something modern couples no longer cherish atleast in urban societies. Gone are the days when just turning off the lights would indicate turning other things on. As a couple both need to adjust.
Often times we women , under some social or mental stress pull ourself back. Try extending your limits and see if he responds .. atleast talking about likes and preferences wouldn't hurt in any way. Its easier to blame the partner and it could be right in many scenarios but take a look inwards and see ..you could be a reason too for his behavior. I didn't mean to offend anyone but given the limited info this is the best i could suggest from my end. All the best

 

You can speak to each other but for this it should be from both sides.
In my case I kept asking for having normal talks as married couples which was not there for months and finally I came to high point of options. When I saw no option I asked why are we together if no normal talks.
Which resulted in my D and I was told that I could not fulfill physical needs.

 

Well if physical needs are unfulfilled better to get separated .. no use carrying a toxic relationship

 

I have read your other posts. But, here I am not considering those as its difficult to have any relationship with that kind of negativity.

Sex is an important component of a normal married life. If you cant participate or satisfy his needs ( I guess he is not too old, healthy person with normal needs) what are the other options you give him. Can he start EMA or open marriage or go for divorce (usual consequences ) if you are not interested in it. But there is no cheating or adultry so far based on your posts.

If both are not interested then this question would not have been asked. If you ( he) deny him ( you) it even after his(your) repeated effort its cruelty.

Denial of sex by spouse is cruelty: Supreme Court | India News - Times of India

Sexless Marriage is Grounds for Divorce

Its not clear why you guys stopped having it for years. Any physical or medical reasons?

"is it myfault for years of nosex"
This question indicate intensity of the situation. Are you not aware that its a problem? How was your life before you both stop having s**. If you are worried about pregnacy, consult a doctor for prevention methods. You are educated, you know that. But your post sounds like you are so ignorant. But all these problems can be solved by proper communication with your husband. He may be feelings unloved and disconnected due to this. Just, living like a roommate and it can explain his bahavior to some extent.

But you have to find a solution if you want this marriage. Ask this - Why should he come to you? What are you offering from your side. Is there is any comfort zone or positive effort from your side. If you deny, there is a great chance to for him to find it outside. If he is not happy in his own home, he will find ways to spend time outside than with his family.

Its not easy for most women to enjoy s** without any bonding or emotional connection or not spending quality time together with partner. Men also need bonding to enjoy it better. It can vary from person to person. But mostly they need s** to emotionally connect as you are aware. Most men get frustrated, angry, irritated if there is not enough in their marriage else they have to find methods to satisfy themselves. But how long?

If you think this is a core issue and it lead to other issues, try to find a solution. I feel that if there is enough sex, half of your issue will be solved. Just go for it and it will lead to more. Sleep in the same bed and room. Both of you are young, its the time to enjoy your life. Communicate with him, talk as if you need his support to fix it ( no blame game or argument ) and find a solution.

Note: Deep inside, you want this marriage to work, I guess, thats why you ask this question. There is no magic. Need efforts from both sides. But sometimes, positivity from one side can make the other person to initiate some effort. Its up to you to decide what to do. We know only your side and you can control only yourself. I would like to convey that I understand your dilemma and trying to show the other possibilities, you might have missed.

 

Your marriage doesn't have respect, equal sharing, decent communication and sex.
Those are the major aspects of any marriage, but it seems your marriage lacks them all.

You have 2 options here

1) Speak to your husband. Tell him what is lacking in this marriage, including sex. Work out with him by finding a middle ground. See, whether this plan works for you or not. If not, walk out of this marriage.

2) Be prepared for another bombardment from your H. He can find pleasure in someone else, and chose an EMA to meet his basic sexual needs.
It can be a valid reason for separation if none of your other problems are considered valid.

Sex is not just important for a man, but for a woman in any marriage. If the couple go years of sexless marriage, and sleep in different rooms (and I guess no physical touch like hugs or kisses altogether), then the marriage is already dead.

As a result, you may find him emotionally attached to someone else. Currently he is attached to his parents, sister, niece & nephew. In future someone else could fill up this emptiness and it can be anyone.

He shares his life, his emotions, his money, his pleasure and sorrows with outsiders. So, he is being truthful to them. Sends them money and gives them royal treatment. Whereas he shares nothing with you. Not even his salary or support at the home front.

When the basic essence of a marriage is lost, there is no point in complaining.

See, whether you can fix this marriage from all the fronts and whether the effort is even worth it.
If not, kindly prepare your mind for separation. It is better to be prepared before you are forced to separate