Where It All Started - Chapter 1

Tears rolling down her eyes which were looking fixed at the ceiling, she sat silent. The silence was being disturbed by clock's ticking sound and water running sound from the bathroom. But still the statue posture of hers remained the same. Did something shook her?? Or did she listened to the clock ticking?? She made a small movement but cramps.. uff.. leg cramps!!

There she is this book's main lead- Kuzhali- thick single braided dark hair , black eyes hidden under dusty goggles, spaces out whenever she feels likes to be alone and as of now rubbing her legs to relieve it from the cramps- 27 years old, married and housewife.

Still unable to rise from her place, Kuzhali could hear the sound of water being emptied from the bathroom tub. Sudden realisation to wipe her tears arose inside her but he has seen her.

Water dripping from his hair ,stood infront of her this book's hero- Neelan. Of course his skin is not blue toned but tanned because of his bachelor life's Goa trip- 30 years old, dark hair thicker than wife (only thing that makes kuzhali jealous and an easy punishing equipment for kuzhali) and Analyst as of now thanks to COVID he is working from home.

There are many common things between them which are more funny but still to be noted.
They are from same campus but haven't met ( bescause they are from different college)
They both love Harry Potter series, Dragon ball series, Naruto series (which is according to Neelan - uncommon for a girl to watch anime fight sequence series and best of his wife)
They both are neither atheist nor theist ( A matter of concern for their families and a matter of concern for Neelan as he want his children to know the culture)

As the story goes on you can find more about them and meet you in next chapter . Please do comment yours reviews about the chapter

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Chapter 2:

A sudden change in expression can be seen on Neelan's face. He sat next to Kuzhali and wiped her tears.

"What happened to you? Why are you crying?"
Kuzhali can clearly see the concern in Neelan's eyes when he asked her questions

"Nothing pa. All of sudden tears rolled down my eyes" It always takes time for Kuzhali to express her even though she is so dependent of Neelan. Whereas Neelan is quite opposite he is very expressive and expects Kuzhali to be the same. But no matter how much effort he puts into it, the result is as of now 1 out of 100. Kuzhali is that independent and shares less about her pains but gives more love. This character of hers was a big negative in Neelan's view. Was?? Yes. As they grew closer he understood why she was like that.

" Kuzhali!! Still you dint break the wall you have raised?? Its been two years since marriage but still you are the same" . A mixed tone of Anger, dissatisfaction and pain can be felt in Neelan's voice.

"No.No . I thought of Mother. And tears started to roll down my eyes. Sorry" Kuzhali's expression was blank but tears started to roll down . As if biting the lips can stop the tears, Kuzhali bit her lips hard as a mannerism.

Neelan can feel her pain. Unlike other mothers , Kuzhali's mom is very different. The blank expression and independent characteristics of Kuzhali's are similar to none other than her mother's.

"Why don't you give her a call?? Talk to her you will feel better." From Neelan's expression it can be felt that it is an advise which he gives to his wife often. But...

"Ok. I will call her". Kuzhali took her phone and dialled her Mom's number.

"Hello??" A voice of 60 year old with loud tone can be heard by Neelan from Kuzhali's phone. Though it is not on speaker, one can clearly hear both Kuzhali and her mom's tone because of their loud voice. Maybe hereditary!!!!

"Ma. Kuzhali here.How are you?". Kuzhali always mention her name because after all these years her mother can never identify the difference in her daughter's voice. Mother of three with growing hearing problem and eyesight problem because of age, No one can blame her for it.
" I am fine. How are you?"
" I am fine ma. How is everyone there?? What you had for lunch?".
While Kuzhali is on call, Neelan knew this would be her last question and she will disconnect the call in a minute.
"Ok ma. I will call later". Neelan waited till she disconnect the call.
" Why can't you speak properly to your mom. And why you both are this distant from each other?"
Neelam knew the answer to this question but still he can't stop himself from asking her.



Let the understanding between them be continued in next chapter

 

Where it all started chapter 3:

" You know I will get hurt if I talk with mom but still you are insisting" tears rolled down from Kuzhali's blank face. It is not that kuzhali doesn't has emotions and born without expressions. Kuzhali is more emotional and very expressive but the way she grew up made it difficult for her to express it to others. When she is alone she will let her pain and cry but even then her soft but hard lips had nerver opened to make any sound. This is how she is and this is what Neelan is trying to break. Unlike before she is expressing one percent of her pain and tearful face to Neelan but it took two years of marriage life. If you ask me about whether she has shown her expression and pain to her family? No, it's been more than 10 years. In middle,she did cried with tears rolling down her cheeks without noise and blank face when her father died.

Her father was her backbone support. He was too close to her and listens to her. Unlike her communication with her mom, she talks daily with her father and he is her stress reliever. If anything bad happens or she feels down she first calls her father. Now Neelan is filling his place.

" Don't think I am repeating my words always. No matter what she is your mom. You can't leave her like that. And what's wrong between you both. We are family. Talk with her daily. Make her talk with you properly." This is who Neelan is. He talks with his mom daily and they are best friends. He is expecting the same from Kuzhali. He wants them to create a bond. He always states Kuzhali as part of family. And Kuzhali's little change is all thanks to him .

"Ok" . Kuzhali's voice came like a little murmur. But Neelan knows that this Ok will mean nothing and in a minimum span of one week their conversations will stop. It is not that this mother-daughter duo will fight always. It's just that they love each other but expression has to play a major role. Which doesn't have any values/ Role in this duo's life.

" Now let's go to room" Neelan tried to move but his legs where pinned by ten lengthy fingers. Of course it is Kushali and it's not horror story. But for Neelan, kuzhali is like a possessed child when she starts to talk. Uh.. what a pestering child. As the story goes you can find her talks are nothing lesser than the questions a kid ask his/her mom while growing up.

"Let's go together.." . This kind of Kuzhali can be seen when she is with Neelan. Dependent!!

Theirs is a 2BHK rental house. And the room is the place where they spend most of time. You can't say they are newly married but it's been just two years of marriage. Why I am saying this?? Because they are too lazy!!!! They have all 3 supper on bed and doesn't care about dirt. They even has fixed their TV in the room. So whatever it is, it is their own space.

It's 6.00 pm when they entered their room.

" Did you dry your hair??" Kuzhali took out Neelan's towel and started to dry it up. While hard nails where forcing themselves inside his hair, he moved his head to her comfort and followed her movement path. Don't start to wonder whether there is a typo on this line. As I have mentioned already Neelan has thick hair and it is that thick that her way of hair dry technique will feel like massage to him.


I have mentioned characteristics behaviour of the characters in these three chapters. From next chapters the actual story starts. Hope I don't disappoint

 

Chapter 4:

Neelan started to work while Kuzhali continued to dry his hair. Once she felt his hair has been little dried, she started to knit her yarn while watching the tutorial of it in YouTube.

" I have asked you not to knit after 6. Your time is over." Though it is not a stern warning, a sigh in his tone meant he has been using the same phrase often. He really is using it daily.

"You are working . Till you closes your black box!!! I will not stop knitting". Kuzhali's voice had a funny tone in it

Black box!! Her way to naming things . It's how she mentions his laptop. Hope she doesn't use the word " black box" outside of her house.

"No need. Stop it . Just look at my face while I work" Hope he doesn't think of it as a romantic dialogue !!! But there was no evidence of romance on Kuzhali's face.

"Please. It's better for me to knit than to do as you say" Kuzhali continued without even looking at him.

" When will you wind up?" Kuzhali's voice made Neelan sigh deep inside. He knows this is just a start of her questioning.

" 8:30"

"Then shall I start to cook by 8?" A hidden hapiness to sit freely for one hour arose inside her.

" You can start now. Anyways you will take time to cook". Kuzhali indeed a slow worker be it washing vessels or cooking. Even she eats slowly . It takes plus half an hour for her to complete her meal while Neelan accompanies her till she finishes off. That's fate .. sorry love.

Will Kuzhali leave it as such??

" If you say 8:30 then for sure you will finish it up only by 9:00. Then what do you wanna eat?"

" Cook anything of your wish and which is easy for you" Neelan replied with twisted eyebrows

"What do you prefer?? Rice or fritters?"

"Can you stop asking questions? Cook anything ma I am working now" Neelan's anger can be felt in his tone.

"Maggie??"

"Ok."

" Plain Maggie or with vegetables?" This is how possessed Kuzhali's questions are.

" You know I don't prefer plain Maggie."

" Which ones should I add??" This question made Neelan to look at her.

"I mean vegetables" . Even back of Maggie packs have recipies

" Onion, tomato and chilly is enough"

" You don't want peas, potato and carrot?" Kuzhali literally tested his patience

" Ma it's just Maggie!! Add carrot alone".

" Salt?? When I should add it?" Kuzhali doesn't know to cook. And Neelan knows that. But it's been two years and it's just Maggie. This how dependent she is.

" No need. Now go"

"Can't you come to kitchen??" Kuzhali always wants him to be with her when she in kitchen. Either it is for cooking or washing.

" I am working. If this continues , for sure you will get hurt and leave by yourself. So before that you yourself go and cook" . Neelan is thinking of making open kitchen for their New home. But he knows it won't be that comfortable if friends or relatives comes over.

Kuzhali took out a pan. Lighted up the flame and started to cut the veggies. In the pan she added little oil followed by veggies. But ...

In the room, Neelan was on call. She tried to signal him but even though he saw her he couldn't reply. She kept the Maggie pack she carried with her infront of him. Signalling that she will come back. She left.

Hope it's not because she wants him to cut the wrappers.

After pouring the water in the pan she came back to look at him.

" How many pieces should I add?" Neelan was not on call now but he is still into his laptop.

" Usually how many do you add?? Add the same".

"I add based your comments on how much hungry you are" . Neelan rubbed his forehead.

" If you gonna add veggies, add three pieces for both"

Kuzhali entered the kitchen and added three pieces and cooked.

Neelan looked up when he heard room's screen sound. Yeah it is Kuzhali who is shaking it to gain his attention.

" Pa. It's just Maggie. There is no need for me to come and taste it. If it is ready bring it."

Kuzhali signalled him that she want him not for tasting but for mix-combine all ingredients together.

"No" . Neelan wants her to learn everything on her own. He knows that her hands might hurt!!! but when she cooks more like briyani for two supper he will help her.

Finally Kuzhali finished her cooking.

" Shall I bring it ?? " With this question Neelan too closed his laptop.

Don't worry it is the last question.

She brought the same pan, with two spoons in it. Yes.. as she is lazy to wash just two plates she has brought the hot pan. But atleast she thought of bringing coaster as they have food on bed.

If Neelan eats ten spoons of Maggie , Kuzhali eats one spoon. Even if Neelan forces her to eat more she will not. It's not that she is on diet, it's just that our Chubby Kuzhali can eat ten meals a day but can't have everything in one.

After dinner, Neelan filled the bottle with water and brought it to their room where Kuzhali was ready to take it from him to have her tablets.

Sitting next to her, Neelan viewed his mobile.

"Shall I book doctor's appointment tomorrow??".



Let's meet in next chapter

 

Chapter 5:

Kuzhali looked at him with a request to miss it but she knows he won't back down from booking appointments.

Kuzhali was weak from childhood it is not that she was different. Everyone has weakness. But this appointment is not for her physical strength but it is for her mental strength.

Yes, Neelan is booking appointment for her "counseling" with a psychiatrist. Unlike others, neither Neelan nor Kuzhali doesn't think getting counseling from psychiatrist or meeting a psychiatrist is for a mental problem. They both are educated and more than educated they are broad minded, down to earth and care for each other.

Neelan's love for kuzhali made him forget or care for others questioning and tantrums. Whereas Kuzhali's love and understanding in their relationship made her trust him more than anything else.

When Neelan understood the need for counseling and approached Kuzhali, their understanding grew more.

Neelan kept wondering about Kuzhali's self isolation from others when it comes to personal pain. She really is very talkative and her family shared everything with her. Her family approach her when they are in need of shoulder to share their pain or help. But Neelan has never seen her approaching anyone for neither help nor to share her suffering.

Neelan's thoughts grew strong when he saw Kuzhali's reaction when her father died. On the night of her father's death,

"Hello, yes sister, why are you crying what happened?" Kuzhali's tensed voice from hall made Neelan to come out of the room

" Kuzhali, father is no more. Please come quick". Neelan can see the pain in her eyes but her expressions were blank.

"Don't cry. Where is mom? Take care of her. I will come soon". Kuzhali turned and informed Neelan. He was shocked to see her instructing him to pack dresses, book cab whereas she was washing vessels and consoling him.

They booked cab and on the way they took cash from ATM as per kuzhali's instructions and transferred money to her sister's account for her sister's expense who is there at her hometown and taking care of things there.

Kuzhali's inlaws even confirmed with Neelan whether does she really knows what has happened.

But Neelan knows that in the whole cab drive, tears were flowing down continuously from kuzhali's eyes. But she didn't make any sound , she didn't cry out loud.

When Neelan tried to hold her, she moved away. On reaching her home, the same continued. she worked loads, cried ,stood infront of her father with tears but didn't cry out loud.

After that she acted natural, took care of her mother and her sister's kids, made sure everyone was fine.

Unable to bare the sight of her, her father-in-law advised her to vent it out but she remained the same.

On the day they returned:

"Kuzhali, how are you feeling? You know I am there for you always. Don't hold on anything to your heart. Say it out loud. I know you love him so much. Please cry." Neelan tried everything but it remained same.

But he got soultion, when he was looking at whatsapp status. His doctor friend had put status. Though it is not related to counseling.

He decided to give it a try



Let's meet in next chapter