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Adjusting To A Dominating Mil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by saraswathilives, Oct 5, 2021.

  1. Oct 5, 2021 #1
    saraswathilives

    saraswathilives Bronze IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies,

    I'm a long time member here and posting after a very long time.

    The issue is with my mil. For this Navratri I had done all the running around and took care of the expenses too. But when it comes to deciding where to keep what and what time we should start the decorations my mil takes full charge. I sometimes feel like I have no decision making power in this house. This had been going on for the last 14 years. She will make me do the running around and ground work and order me around but when it comes to making any decisions she'll take over. I've been following this grinding my teeth for a real long time now. I know I cannot change my destiny but how to calm myself and accept this? This is not only for navrathri but for anything in the house. She lives with me full time and the house is purchased by me and hubby. Still no authority to do anything around the house.

    Regards
     
    saraswathilives, Oct 5, 2021
    saraswathilives, Oct 5, 2021
    #1
    Sijo157 likes this.
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  2. Oct 5, 2021 #2
    saraswathilives

    saraswathilives Bronze IL'ite

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    saraswathilives, Oct 5, 2021
    saraswathilives, Oct 5, 2021
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  3. Oct 6, 2021 #3
    drdiva

    drdiva Silver IL'ite

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    Hi dear..sort of facing similar issue from the same 14 yrs ..but i think u can pacify urself by choosing ur battles..Put ur foot down for the issues affecting u directly . And the other thing is consider this as a temporary situation it is nog going to b forever as she is not going to live forever.:hollering:
     
    drdiva, Oct 6, 2021
    drdiva, Oct 6, 2021
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  4. Oct 12, 2021 #4
    Dishaa

    Dishaa Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Op,

    I think now you should start taking charge of your position, 14 years is pretty decent time. Start implementing with immediate effect but dont rush, start one by one.

    For example - In Navratri yes do the ground work and same for decision making, you can always tell them now its time for them to see how much you have understood in past 14 years time.

    Same thing you can do for other aspects in decision making in your day to day life.
     
    Dishaa, Oct 12, 2021
    Dishaa, Oct 12, 2021
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  5. Oct 14, 2021 #5
    AditiShining

    AditiShining Bronze IL'ite

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    That's rude but honest!
     
    AditiShining, Oct 14, 2021
    AditiShining, Oct 14, 2021
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  6. Oct 14, 2021 #6
    AditiShining

    AditiShining Bronze IL'ite

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    How about a
    Try a different approach. When your MIL is in a good mood, flatter her more. Make her tea, rub oil in her head. And then politely tell her, "amma, you have worked so hard your life. Now you don't need to bother about small things. Let your DIL handle them, you just relax. "
     
    AditiShining, Oct 14, 2021
    AditiShining, Oct 14, 2021
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  7. Oct 14, 2021 #7
    PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Finest Post Winner

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    Take charge. If they get hyper, let them. Don't give the power of taking decisions to your MIL. If she blames anything... Listen n leave.
    14yrs you did what she want and still you are not valued then no point in being a too good dil.
    Dont fight dont disrespect her but silently n slowly be smart to take charge into your hands.
    If she tries to take decision... Jus say "ma, 14yrs since I got married you have been managing everything. Now you should relax. I can manage."

    Dont suddenly take charge. Be smart. One step at a time. Transition should be slow.
     
    PurpleRoses, Oct 14, 2021
    PurpleRoses, Oct 14, 2021
    #7
    Thyagarajan and chanchitra like this.

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