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Friends Am Back With The Same Problem After 7 Years... Some Of You Might Know Me What I Had Gonethru

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Pavithrarajsaai, Aug 8, 2021.

  1. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Gold IL'ite

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    Dear
    Dear he was chasing you and with your emotions and he was enjoying it ..he knows clearly you wil come back and he wants you to depress more and more and wants you to be alone and wants you to beg him you can’t be with him..how much you are begging he was dragging you and enjoying and sharing with others and surely he was sharing all ur megs with his family and frnds and relatives and doing all dse purposefully..
    Don’t send any messages and don’t call him just ignore him just for a week or 10days he wil come back to you..bcoz with you he can’t clear all his bills and he feels that you are enjoying your life without him and which will hits his ego and wants to distrub you again..at that time you can ask you everything..he was satisfying his ego and enjoying this ,let him put any status don’t watch and don’t send any msgs too..control yourself and divert your mind and delete the number from your contacts so that you won’t get any status from him..he wants to shame you and he wants to hurt you that is y he was putting all those status and he knows you wil hurt by them and you wil call him..just delete the number then he will start to feel why you are not seeing his status and not messaging him and he wil stops after a while once he knows you are not caring all those ,you are reacting to his status that is y he was putting again and again to hurt you
    Once he felt you are ignoring him then he will come down and will come to talk or may take initiation to speak with you..
    Be strong dear don’t react and inform to your mom and bro not to look into his status and meanwhile you post happy status with your son and family ,then he was going to know you are much happy now and not bothering about him..
    Try to kick back him and show him that you are very happy now post a status with your boy and go for parks and click the pics and post in time line let he know that you are very happy and not crying becoz of him
     
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  2. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    @Pavithrarajsaai After reading your replies I’ve understood that his sister defaming you to your relatives is what’s causing so much anguish, desire to kill yourself or reconcile at any cost. Basically you just want it all to go away.
    Well Pavithra yes you have to fix this mess but it isn’t so easy. You have to be strong mentally and take some strong steps. Most important you have to stop deluding yourself he’s a good guy or you have a normal marriage. He’s calculating and money minded and he wants power over you to force you do do whatever he wants - whether money or jewels or help. There’s no love in this marriage from his side.
    First of all you must remember they are the ones who dragged this into public sphere not you. Do you understand that clearly?
    If you understand that, you’ll realize you have no choice except to protect your name because now you have to make a life for yourself and your child in the society. No other choice.
    Then what to do next becomes clear.
    He locked you out of your home. So file a complaint on him (and his sister) and take police help to get your things from the house. Without talking divorce or any threats, without any talk at all it will become clear that you are not going to tolerate any more nonsense.
    Secondly, when you file a complaint for harassment against him and his sister for defaming your good name, it will automatically make it clear to everyone else that they were lying (the logic being- if it was true y would she put a case?) Husband and his sister may try to cleverly trap you by asking ‘tell the truth didn’t you know someone called xyz’ Under no circumstances reply yes to all such questions. From them or your relatives or anybody. Deny, deny deny. Your reply should always be - how dare you accuse me of having an affair? Where’s the proof? Show the proof otherwise apologize. Only say this much. Nothing more. And keep repeating it. Once your relatives come to know you had to put a case on him they will realize it was all lies.
    This is the only way forward to clear your good name as I see it. And you need not feel bad that you took such an action because they didn’t leave you a choice.
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2021
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  3. sweety127

    sweety127 Gold IL'ite

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    Oh dear...what a pathetic situation...this husband of yours is a demon ( sorry for strong language)...nothing less than that.....you are in a very vulnerable state after losing your dear father...instead of consoling you or atleast keeping quite this filthy animal is actually making your life more miserable and is not even providing you some respite to grieve for your father's death and comfort your mother...this is atrocious and you are still enabling him for what!! A father...he doesn't even qualify to be a human being leave alone being a father!
    Your son is doing fine and will be fine ONLY if you are fine and strong...no child would like to see his/ her mom being ill treated and abused. So throw your phone away first..delete his number and block him....the people who really care about you are already there with you, your son, mom and brother....pray for your father' s soul and let him rest in peace....your dad, a wonderful man would never be at peace wherever he is when he sees his daughter getting abused so badly...so listen to the advice of fellow illites and escape from that monster's manipulative clutches ASAP...Good luck!
     
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  4. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad and for what you are going through! Please accept my deepest condolences. On your marriage, I feel that what you are thinking as “love” for your husband is actually codependency. You are stuck in a deeply abusive relationship and scared of being alone.

    Have you tried counseling to identify what it is inside you that is making you accept such horrible, demeaning behavior from your husband? Your son does not need a toxic father as a role model. You already mentioned that he is troubled by your husband’s behavior. All you are doing by staying in this dysfunctional marriage is telling him that his mother does not value herself or her son and instead of protecting him will run to be with her abuser because she is more afraid of being alone.

    You have wasted 10 years of your life for this man. Do you want to waste the rest of your life till your very soul is crushed from you?

    I know it is hard for you but you need to take a deep breath and take a step back from all this chaos. I know our Indian culture and families ingrain into us that marriage is the be all and the end all for a woman but it is actually not. No marriage is worth any kind of abuse. Your lack of self worth abd self esteem has been destroyed by everyone around you because it serves them. But end of the day, YOU need to stand up for yourself. No one else will do it for you. You attract the energy you give out in this universe. If you are meek and behave like a doormat, you will attract bullies and abusers.

    Please do not stay in this horrible, horrible sham of a marriage. Your husband will not get any better just worse and worse with time. Abusers don’t change. Specially when you seem so hell bent on enabling and rewarding his bad behavior.

    All the best!
     
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  5. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    RFLOL.... demon, filthy animal, monster ! Also not a human being !
    • Aren't there any non-human supporting people, like demon-rights-activists on our forum ?
    • Someone who is curious about the story from the side of the demon?
    • Nobody suspects that the OP is quite rational, and seeks a life with the monster, because there are hitherto unmentioned redeeming qualities in the filthy animal?
    • She wants to get back in, despite the new lock, because of something other than trauma-bond, codependency or any other psychobabble?
    • Isn't "my baby needs a father", the usually acceptable phrase that is put out for public consumption, a mere misdirection scheme, to hide some unmentionable thingy?

    People should doubt and wonder. After all, there are more possible things in the brains of real people, than we can conjure up with what we read or could possibly know.
    Can meek, docile and subservient people eke out any kind of decent life ? In other words, how can a doormat follow this counsel:
    Shouldn't a doormat be the best doormat that it can be?

    Long suffering marrieds, in nuclear or collective families, may have got there by a few bad decisions, in things said/done, as well as circumstance and the social environment. Getting goaded by others was most likely in the mix of how it all happened. And now there is this extended family on the social media platforms of the internet.

    Before OP does anything, she ought to recognize where the idea came from, what would be the consequences, and sleep on it a couple of days before she does it.
     
  6. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Finest Post Winner

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    As much as I really feel bad for you, seeing your replies... I feel no matter wht we all tel you, you wont take a step to leave that monstrous Narcisst abuser husband.

    The fact that your 8yr old son is aware of his father's character and tells you .to be away from him is a biggest sign for you to understand that if you want a better emotionally mature secure child, you should divorce him and moveon.

    I agree its difficult to take this step as you are not Very strong and currently very vulnerable dealing with rejection from husband, mother and loss of father.

    Let's take one step at a time dear. You dont have to go for divorce immediately.

    1st, take police help to enter your house and take your things. Till divorced legally, a married woman has every right to live in her husbands house. You dont have to live there though as it will make you more emotionally weak.
    Take your and child's things and leave.
    Take 1bhk for rent close to your work/ur child's school. Take help from genuine friends or cousins to set up your own home.
    If not getting help, its okay. You gave birth to a child. Remember that pain? Youi are strong to deal anything in life alone.

    1st heal yourself. Know your worth.
    Do you want your son to grow up with his abusive father? Belike him inn future? Abuse his wife as he saw his mother okay with it?
    Or you stay alone with your son with dignity and respect. Your son looks upto you with respect and proudness. He will grow up as a real gentleman respect all women.

    Change is always difficult at first but beautiful at the end.

    For starters, I suggest please take 1bhk rent and move in with your son.
    2ndly take help of counsellor to 1st gather courage to come out of trauma.
    3rd take legal advice . Your husband doesn't deserve to even meet your son in your absence. Law will be by your side.

    Also, I see you are much bothered by his sister degrading your character by bringing out past love. That's okay. They are just using all tactics to exploit you more. Remember that you know who youi are. God Knows who you are . Your son respects you forwho you are. Isn't that enough?

    Respect is earned not asked. Its not lost bcoz some filthy people spread some sh!t.

    But for all these to happen, you need to take the 1st step.

    One step at a timely
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2021
  7. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    Why do you want a man who was so abusive to you back? He stamped on your private parts? What kind of animal is he? I’d get my hands and feet down on the floor and kneel to the lord and thank him for this blessing. He’s gone.

    listen to me. I know what you’re going through is hard and that you’ve lost your dad. But you need to be kind to yourself and strong and get back on ur feet. You work right? Save that money and use it. Life’s not over.

    If he chats rubbish about you then you talk bad about him. Him and his family are awful they should be in jail for abuse. His parents didn’t bring him up right. He’s an ignorant fool who is extremely selfish. How did you survive so long? Why didn’t you report him to the police for abuse? You have witnesses. He sounds like a cry baby. Not a Man. Like a toddler who has tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants. Plus you expected him to care too much when he obviously didn’t. BecUse he’s not mature enough. He’s pathetic. Move on and ignore him. Block him from everywhere and have fun. He knows your mentally weak right now so he’s using that to hurt you. Don’t give him the time.
     
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  8. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    even if you did tell him it shouldn’t bother you because you trusted him. But he told his sister? What kind of guy talks to his sister about his wife’s pre marital life? How disgusting. Next time someone mentions it say they’re lying or just ignore it. The more bad a person talks about you the more bad they are seen for being gossipy. Please don’t worry. This will pass. You should be like your mother. She sounds like she takes no rubbish from anyone. Be confident like her. Spread his secrets too btw.
     
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  9. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    Ur son will thank u for not ruining his life by staying with a bad Man. He will abuse ur child too. Ur son will follow the pattern and treat his wife the same. Is this what u want?
     
  10. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    Are u serious? I think the advice from the poster is that he is joking. Ur husband is very abusive. He needs to be locked up.
     
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