Friends Am Back With The Same Problem After 7 Years... Some Of You Might Know Me What I Had Gonethru

Op,
I agree with previous poster. Please try to think and introspect - what is the source of your panic? Perhaps you are feeling abandoned because of the events - your fathers passing, your husband's behavior and lack of support from your mom - happening one after the other. That is understandable but to get over those you will need time to understand and get perspective.
Honestly what you have written about your husband's behavior doesn't make him seem like an admirable person, much less worthy of so much love and sacrifice. Please try to calm down and think clearly. Surely you will find a path forward. There are many positives in your favor. You are earning and independent. For some time you will be able to manage on your own. So be calm and strong. Even if all you really want is reconcile with your husband, surely going back to that same hell, being mistreated and exploited is not acceptable to you. Don't you think reconciling with him after he has come to his senses, realized your value and reconciling with him on your own terms is better? For that you have to stop panicking right now and be strong. Maybe find a way to take care of your short term issue with your mom by taking a separate place. I would say the thing to do right now is not to panic, not go and beg him to take you on any terms etc. Let some time pass. Your emotions will also subside. You will be able to think clearly and you will be able to take a good decision.

OP, an additional reason for your husband's sudden behavior just occurred to me. Could this all be inheritance related? Normally those get divided after father's passing isn't it? Maybe he wants a bigger share of your father's estate and this indirectly pressuring you is for that? He knows you very well and knows you will do anything to reconcile? It could be that your mother/ brother realize this and clearly signaling 'nothing doing' through their silence and lack of support for you. So you are on your own if you want to get back with him? They know you will somehow communicate this to him. Is this a possibility? If this is true - then really I feel sorry for you- you are being made a football between the two camps. But as you see this is nothing to do with you personally. So don't be so emotional and Don't blindly do whatever he tells you like abortion etc.

 

I am sorry about your dad. Some people dont have empathy, they are selfish and they will ONLY feel the pain if it happens to them. They will expect everyone to leave everything and come for them but they give a damn about others pain.

He is selfish. He is not a responsible husband or father. He has made a big drama as your dad's passing is just a news for him but his ego is more important.

It will be always about him. Go hell with the others.

You pay everything, you do everything, you take care of everyone... he is just mooching off emotionally and money wise.

He will suck you dry until you have no self. Parasites dont care about the host. Lucky he got a juicy host!..good for him.

Please can you OPEN your eyes and see?
Leave this loser and give your parents the gift they deserve- a happier you.

If you care about your son, then you shouldnt go begging for narcissits.

 

This:

And besides being good-for-him, It is also tradition. Once the girl is "given away" in the wedding, she belongs to the fellow who received her. That is the deal, it is the scheme. The OP seems to be quite well wired into the plan.
As for her goal, and question:

You have already established what works. Payments !! Find out how much you'd have to pay to get back. That would be the most practical way to get it all back. Caution: don't pay lumpsum; give it in installments for as long as you need-to or can. Sort of like a prepaid mobile.

 

Big hug to you , you are dealing with coward, who can not be good father or husband. One suggestion I have for you that, you feel that you are not that brave but sometime you have to pretend and fake that you are. Just for a month, forget that you ever loved him or he ever been your husband. Live like he never existed.. he need you more than you need him.. you are big suppliers to his facilities and emotional bag he can punch anytime... for a one month trust God and keep patience. Don't bend over to any demand he make and don't get in argue, maintain your peace and keep distance and tell him you are agree with whatever steps he wants to take towards divorce.. he will loose the confidence most probably, if you going to bend over to his demand and keep showing you love him so much and will do anything he wants, you giving him key to abuse you more

I wish you never get back to him as he don't respect you , your son will learn same and after 10 -20 years doesn't matter how much you loved him , he might act like his father.. you are so brave, just learn to love and respect yourself..

 

I feel like he is narcissistic and controlling OP in all possible ways.. and she had developed strong trauma bond with abuser and sometimes any advice we give against abuser she will reject because she will trust abuser more than well wisher. She need lot of work on self confidence..

 

i do not support on affair but that is not relevant and you must realize you mentioning it multiple times is not going to make it more relevant.

if you had been receiving an abusive life before the act, it will not change after the act either .
You will a lot of good inputs from lot of ILS here.

In my perspective you have been trauma bonded, where you feel subconsciously ok to live in a abusive marriage and lie to yourself about your son missing his father.

i cannot say anything more, you can gather inputs but you need to think deep and decide , what makes sense to you.

 

You need help.
You want to go back to an abuser and controlling person and live like a doormat.
In this process you will spoil your son.
If the affair was after your marriage, its wrong. I can imagine, how heart broken your husband is, if thats the case.
If its before marriage, he can't blame you. It was a foolish decision to mention about it to him. Let past be past

Take a break. Cool down. If he want divorce let him file, you can deny that. You are working , save your money and build a life for you and kid.
Your husband want you back. He is trying to control you. Use your brain. You are very emotional now. So dont take any decision. Ignore all those people who try to put you down
Let life evolve itself.

Going back, begging etc are the most foolish thing to do.Your son deserves a mother who stand for herself and believes abuse is not ok.

However, according to Indian law, your husband can't stop you from entering your house. You can stay there as long as you want.

Agree with Ilites on trauma bonding. Please educate yourself

My suggestion is to give you atleast a few weeks to calm down and think with clear mind. Its very foggy now. Let him also cool down. Dont go for any argument. If you pleade and beg, you will push him away. Go for no contact, let him come to you.

If this is the way your husband treat you, I am not sure how you can be happy with that person.