Am I Just Overreacting Or Is It Normal To Feel So!!!!!

Are you working?

 

Your H is wrong, not you.
But the guy wont change, whatcha gonna do?Just accept he will be doing all his investments on someone elses names and will be paying the emis. Just keep your hopes verry down on anything better because it will be like this for the rest of your lives.

Working or not, plan your personal savings around this fact. Never for once doubt your ethics... this is what narcissits do, make you beleive that you are useless... dont beleive them.

I am in this muck, I know what its like...so this post of mine comes off as an experience

You are not alone... looks like there are many of us... hugs

 

Then start by keeping your finances separate. Save for your child in a separate account. Don’t involve yourself in payments for anything that not in your name. Let it cause an uproar if necessary.
If your in-laws don’t treat you with basic courtesy then don’t run after them. You can be polite but don’t go out of your way to visit and inquire about them. If they want to call you names then tell them to feel free to go ahead.
Unless you respect yourself no one else is going to. Do you want your child to see a role model of a mother who allows herself to be badly treated by everyone else around her?

 

No, you are not. Your pain is valid.

It is very emotionally draining to expect bare minimums in a relationship and have nothing in return. It is even more tough to go on in a dead marriage and you have nothing to look forward to except for a load of silent suffering.

The underlying and main issue here is the lack of trust, respect and love for you.

His excessive dependence on his brother, being totally fine with his people not visiting your home, being okay with the idea of just taking your child to them and not inviting you - are all unacceptable/undesirable conduct stemming from the underlying issue stated above. Those are only visible / superficial problems you are encountering owing to the lack of love you deserve in this marriage.

You always need to address the underlying problem first. Other things will eventually fall in place.

So, what you "tell" your H also need to be in those lines instead of trying to deal with the superficial/visible conflicts like who did what and how. Given the fact that your H is full of misplaced priorities and an awful lot of immaturity, you need to know "how" you tell him things. You have to chose how you present your pain. Don't focus the matter on your BIL or your in-laws. After all, it's not about them right? It's about your marriage and it's about you. So, focus on how you both are and your marriage is not able to reach that point of love and trust because of his emotional investment elsewhere. Essentially, you will be talking about you, him and the marriage and with no crying, no blaming and no finding fault.

Your motive and your choice of words has to be as if you both are working towards a common goal of making this marriage fruitful.

That way your H, given the person he is, won't feel threatened that you are after/against his people. Kids are immature and it's not about what we tell them but how we tell them is what tricks them into obedience. Your H is no different. So, present your account differently, focus on the bigger picture. One day, he might see it. Requires effort and patience but you don't have a choice, do you?

 

Since you take this bad treatment he will not change. Protest hard till he changes.

if not, you separate your finances and safeguard yourself. So many marriages end due to this type of ill treatment of wife. If you are housewife, better get a job and be smart.

unless u stop all this forcefully they will not change on their own

 

I have an old uncle who frittered away his money on horses. Aunty was employed in a nationalized bank, and raised two kids, paid all of life's expenses, and even college fees.

He is now senile, and still talk about recouping all his "investments". She is still keeping him, and not taking him to the Kumb to lose him in the crowd.

The younger gen' looks at this example. Some say that girls get into marriage, find themselves in a socially sanctioned hostage situation, and then muddle through life on a survival mode.

Some others look at that example and say that such lives are there for others to see, and therefore be happier with their own relatively much better spouses who save their money for the family, pay college fees for children, but only physically/mentally abuse the wives now and then. This is the good father, good provider, and chronic abuser scenario. This scenario is often held up as the par for the marital course.

 

What is the solution for this?

@OP,
I feel car is a small thing- better to ignore this- as it won't have much consequences.
Try to build bonding between you and your DH.
If you feel that DH is not serious about buying house, make a fund form your salary which will go towards house down-payment, make similar funds on different imp heads like children's education.