Unloving Partner

You have posted the thread twice. I also happened to notice a quote in another thread that was in-between your two posts.

Everyday you can see IL members posting PRAYERS to various gods, goddesses. They are probably doing a lot of chanting and meditations at home also. You may do all that, if you are so inclined. Then do some exercises at home, like yoga, and breathing exercises. Try to become slimmer, if you think that would make you look even more beautiful.
Minimize your services to husband, and increase attention to the children. How many do you have ? Those are enough. Go an annual medical checkup; talk to your doctor about your physical body as well as mental state. Take vitamins everyday, wear masks when you meet others or go out.

 

@amulya2020
I feel for what you are going through. I hope this advice by @Rihana helps you. Here is the link of that post.

@Rihana's response in Do's And Don'ts Of Married Life

Just quoting what she said in that post

 

Hi
I understand,but you need to come out of this,your partner is not your entire life,he is just a part of life,you did your best,when your partner can't see what you are,what you want and what you did for him.I don't feel spending time, thinking of him, will solve your problem,as you said you are getting emotionally weak,it will damage you.What I suggest create your own space with job,earn be financially independent, if you are not a job holder,then do some job,get busy,be away from him as much as you can,write down list of things you want to in your life like your hobbies,develop them.
In simple words I say, don't have any attachment,do for him like cooking just as your job, don't expect back any compliment,or any kind of response from him.
Dear,we got this life, enjoy it as much as you can.Keeping all this in my mind, yesterday I wrote one post, please read at your convenience.Hope it may be useful to you.No worries,do your best,rest leave to god.Surly you will have happy days.Be Happy, Healthy, Ever smiling.Keep posting in IL,you enjoy your life.
Here is the link of my post Loc
Regards
Ratna

 

Hi OP,

I am sorry that you are undergoing a phase which i did experience few years ago. Being taken for granted.

When i went through a similar situation like yours, i had a realisation and that realisation is what keeps me going even to this day! In any situation, the only person who can help you is YOU yourself. Nobody can help us out of anything other than ourselves. For a person who has been taking care of a husband who seems ot be unsupportive, can you not spare all that time and energy and work on yourself? You can. Try to prioritise you.

The reason for these trigger points i feel is that you are stil not fully convinced about giving up on him. Somewhere in your heart deep down, you are still hoping and wishing that he looks up and wishes you, admires you, atleast says a beautiful thing about you. But only if wishes come true.

There is something you can do though. Stop your expectation. Its simple. Do you expect your neighbor to appreciate you for everything you do? No right, think of your husband as a neighbor. If you do something for him, its because you have to. Go back to your work or what you want to do and concentrate on that. Or say you still want him to appreciate you, then ask him directly. "How am i looking in this dress?" or " How is the sambar today?" If he replies in a sarcastic or hurtful manner, then dont even bother asking him. Some people are just like that.

Just remember, we have complete control only over ourselves. We cannot control anyone other than us. Stop expectations completely. If you dress up, dress up the way you want. If you are cooking something, then cook something that you always wanted to try. If you are working then divert your energy into trying to get a promotion. Or at home? then cultivate a new hobby. I am sure you would have had a lot of dreams or new things you always wanted to try out since college. Make those dreams come true.

In short, live your life the way you would have lived had you lived before marriage. Talk to your friends, parents, read comedy stories or watch comedy movies.

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The trick is not to convince but believe in it. If you are trying to convince you are happy, then it means you are still somewhere unconvinced about being happy without him. Believe that you like every other person in this world deserves happiness. Believe that your husband is another human being not god so his opinions are just that - opinions! not the ultimate truth.

Just quoting an example here: Yesterday my husband was saying i would make a crappy professional if i am to carry on things in this way. a few years ago, i would have broke down. Wondered how can he say such things. Now how will i ever become a good professional? What am i to do and would have felt helpless and i would have cried myself to sleep for a month. .... now? Nope. I told him his opinions just that his views. I dont give a damn he believes i can be a good professional or a bad professional. I will be THE professional i want to be, not someone's view of how i should be.

To reach here, this stage where nothing bothers me, i had to be so strong. I dressed for myself, i cooked for myself. There was a time i placed myself even before my kids. Like if i felt i was unhappy, i would so something that would make me cheerful like eating an icecream, chococolate, or shopping for something that i always wanted. It helped. And i truly believed that only i am responsible for my happiness and no body else.

Stop expecting things from anybody. Believe that you have the strength to come out of whatever you are feeling. You will eventually. When you get moments of unhappiness or feeling low, then watch a comedy movie or read a comic book. Stay strong!

 

I liked this:

I remember an old TV personality who would walk into his house, call the house "his neighborhood", call someone in the house "his neighbor", take of his jacket, hang it in the closet, and wear a cardigan, take off his shoes, wear an indoor shoe, and all the time talking straight at the camera to his neighbor.

His wife probably called him "a neighbor" also !! Take a look:
"Won't You Be My Neighbor"