How Much Financial Information Does Your In-laws Share With You?

I am sick from past 3 days. I don’t know whether it is because of my sickness or what even small things feeling irritable.

Usually I don’t take any in-laws complaints to DH, whether it is a fight or anything I will handle it myself, he has given me that liberty I am very happy about that. DH does not speak to his parents much until unless there is something very emergency. So in-laws contact me for everything this has been going on from years. In-laws had kept some money in their name for DH which I had no idea, that money got matured and came. So they called me told me that his money got matured and came. I got confused what money they are talking about. Even after trying to get information as much as possible they weren’t ready to share how much and from where it came. First of all we are not interested in any money from in-laws. I told them to keep it for themselves and use it even DH told me to tell the same and if not I told them to keep it with them and when next time when we come to India we will take from them. Still they were insisting to deposit, DH got angry and called them they gave him all the details. This made me angry or doesn’t know what emotions. And all the past things came into my mind and I started crying and saying we are married for 13 years and we know each other for 30+years is not sufficient to trust me, I have never asked one rupee from your parents nor never excepted anything from them, instead I myself took care of so many financial things open heartedly, even every time when I go to India I sign and keep blank checks with them for their emergency, I have blindly left my jewellery with them I haven’t even wored few and don’t even remember few, still why do they treat me like an outsider, why do they don’t share any financial information to me, why I am not allowed to go inside fil room in India. This made DH angry and sad as well he doesn’t like me crying and he called his parents asked why did they not share anything to me when I first asked and had huge debate. Later I felt like why did I do this, I could have kept quiet, already there is huge gap between in-laws and DH did I create even more, also in-laws see me as villain always, they treat me like an outsider, when I am there they treat me like a thief as if I take all their money and vanish. I have seen them for 30+ years I know their behaviour And kept my expectations from them zero but this time due my weak emotions I bursted out. Did I over react? Does your in-laws do the same with you guys, and do they not trust you and how much of info they share?

I know trust should be earned cannot demand, it left to other person to whether to trust or not. But still when it comes to family is still the same. Please help me to clear my thoughts. As already I am sick and these thoughts making me even more sicker.

 

Thanks for clarifying.

Why does DH does not speak to his parents - His parents are n****** and DH was kind of a scapegoat of the family. it's a kind dis-oriented family. For every bad thing that happens in the family, they used to blame him, for no reason fil(was alcoholic) used to beat him and mil used to take out all the anger of fil on DH, I have seen all these from childhood. Even once when he was in high school he ran away from home and tried committing suicide. After that, his uncle took care of him. Those things affected him mentally so much, it took time for him to come out from that depression anxiety. So that's the reason he keeps minimal contact with them. Its always like this when they call me until unless I tell to dh what is the matter he never asked, if I tell him to about financial things they want to talk to you he used to tell you just take care of things whatever it feels right to you, I have told them to discuss everything's with you directly I don't know why do they do this still. All he did was are healthy, do need any medical attention, do they need anything to home, or do they need financial support.
Even before the marriage took issues to him he used to get disturbed, he became restless and there was a kind of war in the home between him and his parents. This treatment issue was even before marriage. He has talked to his parents regarding this, I talked to them directly, we went on no contact with them for more than a year for talking bad about my mom, brother and me, family elders intervened but still the same. We thought things will be ok slowly, and later he got fed up with them and told me once even to me their own son they treat me the same what to expect and fight with them its total waste. He stood for me whenever he came to know they treat me badly. Also, I have questioned inlaws directly on why do they treat me that way even during the last visit. We both have never ever fought till this date because of his parents. DH was busy with his work and research, conferences, and other stuff so most of the financial decisions I was responsible for deciding and just let him know the final result.
He had directly told his parents several times that any financial or family matters why don't you guys just directly discuss with her, she is my wife not an outsider.

Even DH had no idea about this money and how much. This is not he gave them to invest, they themselves kept in the name of both sons. Never we expected anything because fil directly used say that I was the one who struggled and you guys are waiting for me to die to enjoy everything. I don't know how to put in words I was politely asked them to keep it for themselves.

 

Thank you. I realize that. I should have handled calmly.

 

I don't know how to put this. How to explain. There is nothing like a normal family. There is no bond between bothers or parents and kids. Because of childhood trauma he does not connect with anyone nor express his feelings straight away. Even we wanted to live like a normally like other families. I have never disrespected them and wanted DH to develop bond between them but sometimes my stupidity and too emotional I am screwing up things.

I will definitely clear up the things once I am normal. Thanks for the advice.