Finances With Husband

Whats wrong in sharing family expenses?
Do you have access to his accounts?

If not, check the following. You can't reverse past. But you can protect what you have. As you dont have much confidence in him, have your own checking and savings account with your own credit cards.
As it business, ask him to open a common account with shared credit cards where you add everything including mortgage, grocery other monthly expenses, kids expenses etc... so if you earn 30% of total income per month you can contribute 30% of total monthly expenses. Not more than that..rest you can save. But you guys won't use common account for personal or your parents /family expenses..that's your personal expenditure not joint.

If both of you have joint account where you have full access then its total money, in that case he dont have to ask for your share ,right?

So have a discussion with him to sort this out. Dont allow him to control your money( based on your past experiences). If you can earn a job ,you can easily manage salary too.
So reach a common ground. Looks like you are worried.

 

Pay off your credit card bills first.
Let him share and contribute wherever he is also consuming - food, rent, utilities - treat like a roommate till he gets your trust.
You don't contribute to anything of his expenses (his family, his travel & pleasures, even his phone bills).

This is the kind of marriage where I would suggest to keep finances completely separate - if possible speak to a lawyer reg any commonly held assets too!
Have your salary account separate, keep your savings for emergencies, future etc and then after that you can share your expenses, don't allow him free access!

Did he contribute to the hospital expenses during your baby's birth?
Is he willing to take up baby's expenses?
Add that to the "expense sheet" first let him pay his half! Add his share of the rent/uitilities etc of the past few years to the "expense sheet"! Let him pay his part. Then you can contribute!

I would suggest - dont even open a joint account based on past experiences, pay him the bills after he spends, so that you are always paying ONLY your part, nothing extra!

Make that "expense sheet" he is creating for you as if you would do it for a roommate - be smart and turn the tables on him, keep it updated and maintain it and share ONLY your part of what he already spends!

Let him earn your trust before you give another penny.

Keep smiling
HR

 

I’m sorry he sounds selfish and greedy. When you’re in need he doesn’t share and when you do have money he keeps an eye on your money. He should have supported you. You’re his wife and mother of his child. I’d be stern and say you didn’t spend on me when I was not working. He needs to pay. You save your cash and pay for the smaller stuff if you want. He’s taken enough advantage. Plus it sounds controlling.

 

What do you not understand ? You are an ATM to him, you have to fix your marriage by making sure why he views you as an ATM.

 

I think his plan has been obvious to you all along and you are just trying to be oblivious or you are being a glutton for punishment. Keep your finances separate. Tell him you have just started and have expenses to cover debt from when he was not helping you financially earlier and save that money for you.

 

In that case whatever bills you have paid earlier for ex for Hawaii trip, Groceries, Baby stuff etc you can create expense list and tell him that you have paid so much. Once the current expenses start exceeding your previous expenses you will start contributing.
Meanwhile better to have your own bank account and start saving just for yourself and kids.

 

Follow this advice and stop going back in time and resenting all that happened ! Learn the lessons from past and plan the future to your best ability. Always be on guard in financial matters and do not let the emotions take over.

 

+1

I would advice the same. Let him pay for the prev expenses and also tell him to share kids expenses too.

 

Hi OP
You are married to him for 10 yrs ..u better know whst could b his plans. How is he otherwise with u and the baby.He sounds mean and miser. As he didnt contribute for the expenses of baby ..u better keep ur finances seperate and make yourself 100 % secure financially and give him a list of expenditure u have done already and need to re pay..Onlh after that share the expenses. Dont spend on him and b
extra cautious with the money u earn..and dont take anything to your heart..take care of yourself and ur baby.