Thappad Scene Every Year Around...bear Or Dare?

please avoid thinking on tolerating just because of kids. i am not saying go for legal right away. but spend some days retrospecting. kids grow up. infact they are better or like better when there is less drama at home. after 18 kids even leave parents and go for their own options. globalization is clear example.

think on terms like how your emotional state will be in coming weeks , years. sooner or later, parents start pouring their issues on kids and honestly kids are more affected by that.

 

I'm sorry, for what you are going through. You have many many years ahead and you can't live with an abusive person. Just because you are his wife doesn't mean he has the right to show all his frustration on you and walk over you. Whether the physical abuse is the 100th time or the first time it is not acceptable. Men who abuse their wives physically and verbally have an attitudinal problem, they believe that their wives should submit to them always and never question them. They want to control not just your actions but your thoughts too. And even when you do that, they project their insecurities on you and find a reason to abuse you. Maybe try to imagine what it would take for you to do the same to your husband and then backtrace to figure how he feels about you. Such deep-rooted attitudes rarely change. No matter how much you devote yourself to him, how much you love him, you most likely will not change him. Attitudes formed over 30 years of early life rarely change. If you want a peaceful happy life, think about what you want, is worth staying there. is he going to change ever, what it is costing you emotionally.

 

Hugs to you OP. Painful situation!

You cannot force a person into realisation and change.. they have to realise on their own what they are losing and what they are gaining in life and at what cost. And such life altering realisations doesn’t happen with discussions and tappad movies. As long as they have someone to tolerate and carry their wrath, they don’t change or even think they need to. He has his parents his children and a “punchbag” wife to take out his frustrations upon.... so basically he has nothing to lose even if he doesn’t mend his behaviour. It is just not a slap a year that you are going through. Its more than that. Open your eyes and face them, address them.

Tell him what exactly you want in this marriage and how his behaviour is impacting you. Give an ultimatum and mean it. See if you can have a temporary separation if not a permanent one. Don’t think too much about children. Better for them to grow up in a healthy environment than with wrong examples around. Atleast that way you can teach them how to say “enough!” and how not to take a relationship for granted. How is he as a father? If you cannot answer this question in affirmative confidently, then its time for some hard decisions.

 

Physical abuse....first time or 100th time is and should not be acceptable to anyone. Try going to a counsellor and if it does not improve the situation stay separately. Find a job, take children with you. If it also does not work finally divorce. You have tolerated enough. 10 years is a long time. Think of children. If they live and grow in such an abusive environment what type of values they cultivate and what type of adults they become!!!! Think of their future. High time it is.
Syamala

 

I had not seen the movie "Thappad". I just read the plot of that movie... and . They need to remake that movie with a couple of children and a pair of PIL's in the house, and parents who could only afford, at best a 3BHK flat. May be Thappad-II, a real world middle-class sequel movie.

Plot[ from wiki]
Amrita Sandhu and Vikram Sabharwal have been happily married for several years. Amrita is a sparkling woman and a homemaker, who is shown to spend her days looking after Vikram and the house. They throw a party at home to celebrate Vikram's promotion that would have them relocate to London. At the party, however, Vikram gets a call informing him that his promotion contract has been compromised for his inexperienced junior, who is a relative of his boss. Angered, he gets into an argument with his superior, Rajhans, whom he accuses of two timing him. When Amrita tries to break up the argument, Vikram slaps her in front of everyone. The incident leaves her shaken; she starts to realize all the little unfair things that she had previously ignored and admits to herself that Vikram slapping her isn't what a husband who respects her would do. Moreover, Vikram refuses to take accountability for his actions, stating that he was upset, she got in the way, and things like that happen sometimes​

Girls continue to weigh the costs and benefits of their options. A wealthy, childless upperclass woman of Thappad movie, reacting to a slap is entirely based on her situation. I was quite touched by the following post, with the mother deciding to do her best, given her situation.

Persevere, until you have the upper hand. Good luck. You shouldn't worry about:

"Think of children. If they live and grow in such an abusive environment what type of values they cultivate and what type of adults they become!!!!". ​

Children who grow up watching dysfunctional adult relatives could also learn to avoid such behaviors, and focus on self-preservation in their own lives. Soft molly-coddled lives for children, where parents do not even have a vigorous argument in their presence, is not always the best. Focus them on their schoolwork and grades, with occasional messages about how to deal with others they come across in life. Children should gain from the life's lessons of the parent they interact with the most.