Why Are Men Such Toddlers?

Viswamitra · Dec 4, 2020

startinganew said: ↑

I have to politely refute the point of view of "genetic defect" or "manufacturing defect" - it is disrespectful and unkind to men. (let alone morally incorrect to those suffering from a genetic abnormality). But I also understand where the pain of these words is stemming from - the years and decades of life flying by can do this to anyone (including me).

As soon as we consider any behavior "intrinsic", we are setting up ourselves to the mindset that there can be no change. And this to me means there is no way forward. But that is not the case - there is surely a way forward. Couples in their 30s and 40s are more equal that couples a generation earlier. And I am lucky to know a few couples in their 50s and 60s that have a pretty-equal relationship.

And I have to agree the inequalities of the previous generations might have fully made sense in those circumstances - the provider and nurturer roles. The current change is because people have different aspirations and we want to make that possible - hand-in-hand with family life.
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Yes. There is a subtle difference between genetic makeup vs genetic defect. What you have discussed above is nature vs nurture. I am a believer that a nature of a person can be changed through nurture but requires intense effort. Once nature is understood, the level of nurturing has to be intensified accordingly.

Viswa

kaluputti · Dec 4, 2020

Hi ye all....is there a 'dodger' apart from 'a farmer' and 'a hunter' and a........ !!!

Viswamitra · Dec 4, 2020

kaluputti said: ↑

Hi ye all....is there a 'dodger' apart from 'a farmer' and 'a hunter' and a........ !!!
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Men derive self-confidence from the work they do more than their personality. The secret behind it may be they can't compete on personality with women. Perhaps, some men fail to recognize that life is made of 80% of work that they don't like and 20% of work they like. When they only focus on 20% of the work they like, they enter into Tamo Guna hurting themselves and their family perhaps. In my view, they are mostly Rajasic with a lot of passion but only for work that would add to their self-confidence. Other times, those few may be called dodger or .........

Rihana · Dec 5, 2020

Benadryl said: ↑

... In our family, we are equal partners and divide the work equally. Even then I ensure I support my wife in everything. For eg if grocery shopping is a family activity, I will take care of the kids and the trolleys while the wife can shop peacefully. This wears me down to no extent - 2 - 3 hours of two kids non-stop abusing you while you are taking care of them and pushing trolleys is quite a task.
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Not related to the thread's topic, but this whole family going shopping is something I don't understand. Seen it in quite a few of our friends. Grocery, Costco, furniture, garden, new car, home repairs, or any shopping, the entire family goes, even when the kids are like under 6-7 years old. Didn't get why put all through the torture. Kids start to whine after a while, and one has to constantly keep an eye on them. We rarely took our kids when shopping unless it was for something they would use.

But we lack in other places. Would you want a love filled marriage with the male not helping in any daily activities? Or would you live in a loveless marriage where both are equal partners in other things?
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Choices C and D did not get printed. : )

lavani · Dec 8, 2020

Benadryl said: ↑

Another small point I will say as it is my personal reality. I recognise the faults in my upbringing and want to make sure that I dont be the father to my child like how my father is to me. Due to this, I will limit my involvement in some minor places which involve kids. Like teaching spellings or phonics - I have zero patience for it - so I step away. I have tried and I ended up yelling at the little kid for not knowing the difference in pronouncing "was" and "waste". So there is some possibility that most men do not want to model their real selves in front of their child - so they avoid a few things. But not assisting wife in daily matters is sheer stupidity. And in most cases my observation is that the wife enables the man to behave this way. Just my 2 tiny cents.
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i will agree on this. this weekend i asked my spouse to help up my son and ask him to avoid watching tv. also asking help to cut vegetables. i wanted to sleep for sometime. he was ok on that. my son was too stubborn on not letting go of his ipad and watching some cartoon. finally after asking around 10 mins calmly , he became really pissed off and scolding him to the point of kid crying . i had to come and ask him to leave and not worry about kids.

also i noticed even if yell at my kids, they do not cry or go extreme.

i do not have a clear say , but there is some some subconscious effect where a female sound is not considered threating.