Sharing Spouse's Medical Reports With Family

Rihana · Nov 19, 2020

A couple B and C, married for 15+ years, living outside India, one teen kid. At a routine check-up, C gets diagnosed with something fairly serious. After a few tests and second/third opinions, the treatment starts.

B and C have a call with family (75+ yrs old parent, siblings) in India to share the news. Family says send us the medical reports, we will get opinion from expert doctors here. They have contacts in reputed hospitals in their city in India and among their huge relatives circle.

C says no thank you, I am in good hands here. Family contacts B separately and puts pressure on B to send C's medical reports without telling C.

What should B do? What would be the right thing to do?
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Rihana · Nov 19, 2020

I think B should not send the reports. B should respect C's wishes in the matter.

But, sending the reports would help the old parent feel like he is doing something to help the child. What would C lose if an old parent gets the reports, shares them with some doctor in India and feels better having done so? Why not humor the old parent...

iswaryadevi · Nov 19, 2020

I feel B should share the medical reports only after convincing C (provided C gets convinced). I understand it is not a big deal for some to share the medical reports but it also depends on whose parents are putting the pressure. Is it B or C? Irrespective of that, a spouse's wish should be respected. I would hate if my DH went behind my back and did something "even if it is supposedly for my own good".

chanchitra · Nov 19, 2020

Rihana said: ↑

think C should not send the reports. C should respect B's wishes in the matter.
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B and C got reversed. C is the sick one.

B can try to convince C to send the reports to old parents.

Saahasi · Nov 19, 2020

If B is unable to convince C to send the reports, it’s best to not send the reports behind C’s back. B can think of taking a second opinion from another doctor (without involving parents/relatives) with C’s consent.Every individual is entitled to privacy and sharing it against C’s wish will only Jeopardize B & C’s relationship.

Hopikrishnan · Nov 19, 2020

In 15+ years of marriage, this may not be the first time for B to feel the parental pressure from India. However, this may be the one situation his/her support to a sick spouse is as good as the medicines s/he takes.

Rihana said: ↑

Effectively defending one's spouse in such situations is one of the most romantic, powerful and even "turn-on" things one can do. It can be a demonstration of loyalty and support to the spouse like no other.

Even if the spouse doesn't care about such comments, these occasions provide a great opportunity to present oneself as a unit to the outside world.

What could be appropriate responses? ....
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B should tell off the parents in the strongest possible terms.

Rihana · Nov 19, 2020

^^^
One of my life's most sentimental memories (my honor and reputation being valiantly defended) is now for ever overlaid with medical reports. : )

I hope you are happy having brought the post from that thread to here. : ) Like fish to Gujarati thaali. : )

Fortunately, the question posted in this thread is theoretical vonly.

MalStrom · Nov 19, 2020

Respect the patient’s wishes and privacy. HIPAA has been drilled so thoroughly into my head that this is a reflexive response.
No convincing, coercing, cajoling, persuading or pressuring anyone into sharing any medical information they don’t want to. The doctor-patient relationship is very personal. As long as they are confident that they are getting the right treatment leave things be. Third parties should not try to interfere.
I would be beyond livid if someone shared my medical information behind my back. The relationship would not be in a good place if that trust were to be broken.

MalStrom · Nov 19, 2020

Rihana said: ↑

I think B should not send the reports. B should respect C's wishes in the matter.

But, sending the reports would help the old parent feel like he is doing something to help the child. What would C lose if an old parent gets the reports, shares them with some doctor in India and feels better having done so? Why not humor the old parent...
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The parent can go to 10 doctors, get 20 opinions and then start badgering the child to do this and do that when they are already in a fragile place. That’s what can come out of ‘humoring the old parent’.

Rihana · Nov 19, 2020

MalStrom said: ↑

Respect the patient’s wishes and privacy. HIPAA has been drilled so thoroughly into my head that this is a reflexive response.
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True. That confidence helps in being really frank with one's doctor.

No convincing, coercing, cajoling, persuading or pressuring anyone into sharing any medical information they don’t want to. The doctor-patient relationship is very personal. As long as they are confident that they are getting the right treatment leave things be. Third parties should not try to interfere.
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I guess this is where it differs from how things happen in India. I think even now some doctors in India won't mind sharing a patient's medical details with well-meaning family members. Especially, if they think that the patient would "benefit" from that.

I would be beyond livid if someone shared my medical information behind my back. The relationship would not be in a good place if that trust were to be broken.
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Me too. Fortunately, while at times our India trip plans/dates were disclosed before I was ready to share them : ) , there is no way either of us would divulge any medical information to others. In fact, even whether or not to tell our children about something, we first take each other's OK.