Life After A Baby

Congratulations
Being new mom in the middle of pandemic is overwhelming without help & courage to buy outside food.

My only suggestion is do what's the minimum requirement.
Delegate few tasks to husband like going to shop, laundry, vaccum the house, help older one for 30 min. Chop veggies, and load dishwasher.
Like breakfast : cereal/oats/bread. If you eat egg then add it.
Lunch : one gravy/ sambhar / korma / pulusu / kuzhambu
Dinner: if hubby helps grinding idli batter then make idlis/dosa with left over gravy from lunch.
Snacks : buy outside
Laundry : have small boxes to store without folding , don't fold it takes a lot of time.

Your older can pitchin for unloading dishwasher, if she can't reach shelves keep on counter.
Sort laundry, cleaning up dinner table.

Set a time to bond with sister, else she may feel left out.
I completely understand your post partum, don't over do anything.
Because no one will remember what you cooked but they will remember the yelling & your mood swings.
Take care of self, Back pain , shoulder pain won't subside. We Indian women ignore self care.

I see many ladies who do what's minimum, no cooking on breakfast, lunch one pot same for dinner. Clean home once a week that to assign to hubby. Though they have school going older kids & don't work outside.

 

Cool. . Keep it up. Enjoy..never ever give up.

In my case, my elder one was only 3yrs when I had the second one. In your case your elder one is 9yrs. Thats a big plus. She/he can babysit too if needed and can help you. So if you are busy, direct her to your dh always. I used to say, can you ask Dad,see i am busy..I will come to you.

Make sure to hug and kiss her whenever you can. Through actions make her feel that she/he still your top priority. I used say, you are my baby, the second one is your baby, you should take of her/ him. I made my ds my team, and we watch the younger and made fun of the situation. I am sure your older one is mature enough to understand the situation. So it will be relatively, but make sure his/her emotional needs are met.

I miss those days. I thought it was too much for me to handle alone. I also struggled, as there was no one else to help and my dh was not even there most of the time due to his job requirements. So take it easy, do minimum things..detailed cooking/cleaning can wait.
Enjoy. Time fles, Take care

 

Congratulations on your new baby. You lack communication that is why this is happening to both of you. You should express how you feel so he would understand you better, he should also do the same.

 

Post Partum delivery is most difficult time in every mother’s life. Men don’t have harmons issues and they didn’t give birth to babies so they don’t understand new mothers emotions. Outsource any tasks u can like cleaning cooking. Keep patience and try to take good sleep at night. See if you can keep baby s formula, hot water in thermos ready. Feed baby properly before sleeping. Slowly Try to make baby s timetable like whole family. Don’t ignore your older child at all. Keep breathing and meditate when you cannot sleep. New mothers get anxiety always so try not to think unnecessary and try to be positive always. This shall pass soon. Take baby s cute pics whenever possible. It will be good memories.

 

Hi OP,
I had read your thread when you had posted but was not able to reply. So I came back, found your thread and posting.. hope not late to the party.
So, I was in similar situ about 2 years ago with 2nd baby and no help and we fought while i was on bed delivering he screamed, then later in room. His company provides 6 weeks off but he took one day off while attending meetings. My body was so sore and while our older was also not able to take the situation he was running from it instead of embracing the change and helping out with transition. Guess that's how many men are...Not good but can not change them. But we can change ourselves on not to rely on them.
I also had bad situation and sleep deprived, sore body my baby always wanting me, waking up every hour, and my daughter not adjusting, i started taking postpartum pills after 6 mo+ which was too late.

Anyways ...now it is your turn, i say, it shall pass. This time it is more stressful because of covid too. Just enjoy your little one and all the movies you can. I did not enjoy that time much.

The other thing i feel is americans or probably other countries, women are going out more as compared to indian women after baby.
Reasons could be
- we have more household chores to handle
- we cook a lot, then clean, probably give more diaper free time
- we believe not going out right after baby ..like in our culture its 40 days restrain ( i broke it btw)
- americans/others have their parents and relatives so they have to go out anyways and also help
- now in covid its much harder

My H used to use bad words because i was not going out. I was sleep deprived, and i had 1 hr feed problems and i hated light. Now he is same and excuse is corona outside. but I go out.
So if weather is good and your baby is big enough- go out for an hour with stroller and milk bottle.

I used to fuss a lot about timely diaper change etc or timely feed. Now with covid, things have changed.
Now holidays are coming, dress up little bit and probably talk to your friends .