Life After A Baby

@Angela123 ,

Can you switch to pumping or adopt hybrid mode of feeding (direct + pump)?

When your husband is available in the evening or during weekends, he can feed the baby and you can take some time off. It works fine in the night for you as well.

I gave my DD only pumped milk as I wanted to return to work in 30 days and also found a place in the office to pump during office hours.That saved a lot of stress and dependency on me. It also gives your husband time to bond with the baby.

Keep it simple and take it easy.

 

I missed the part about cinnamon buns and curries. Unless you really love cooking and this is an outlet for you there is no need to do this. If you eat non-veg it should be reasonably easy to find a service that will deliver pre-cooked meals to your house. I would also look for an Indian lady who does this. I always see these ads at the local Indian store.
Don’t do anything more than the minimum. I agree with Laks about taking rest when the baby naps. My mom would always shoo me off to at least lie down when the baby went to sleep. I formula-fed exclusively so it was easy to share night feeds. You can try to pump and have your husband do one feed so you can get a decent uninterrupted block of sleep. That alone will make you feel 1000% percent better.
It is normal to have thoughts like this about your spouse at this time. Just take it one day at a time and remember things will gradually get much better.

 

Talk to your H about your needs and difficulties.most men are clueless about what women go thr after delivery.hire help,buy food,get your H to look after your elder one,dont spend too much time in cooking,cleaning etc ..instead use that time to take rest.

 

Hi Angela- Congratulations! What a wonderful news!

If I recall correctly, your husband is a TT faculty and you too are in academia. The pandemic has been really hard for junior faculty with children. Your husband might be feeling torn between home and work and when you do extra things he might think you can handle it all. He might be feeling that he has to keep the social interactions (golf etc.) so he won’t miss out on faculty socials.

Just giving you an example. My husband and I are both TT. Our kids are in kindergarten and 2nd grade. School is at staggered schedule and they go to school on MW from 8-2. In the beginning of the fall semester, I was dropping off and picking up the kids on both days, staying home with them on T Th and my husband was staying home with them on Friday. He thought it was absolutely fine and actually complained about not able to work on Friday (he was working 7-7 on the other 4 days). I had enough after 3 weeks and had to ask him how he thinks it is equal division while we have exactly same jobs? His answer: I thought you were managing well . So, I had to sat him down and draw a schedule. I still stay with the kids on T Th but he picks them up one of the days, giving me 2.5 days at work without interruption.

We women tend to do everything we can (cinnamon rolls for example) without thinking about our health. I understand that not everyone can nap when baby naps but do get rest when you can. Try cosleeping (if you are okay with it) with the baby so you don’t have to walk to feed her. Order meals or buy healthy frozen alternatives and stock up your freezer. The travel system is great for walks. Attach the car seat to the stroller and take the baby for the walk or tell your husband that you need time and he can wear the baby while in meetings. If you can find a cleaner, please hire them.
Start asking for what you want. I start telling my kids and husband what I would and would not like for my birthday. Don’t assume he knows. Same thing with chores and other stuff, tell him in advance, ask him to put on his calendar so he won’t forget. Make some time for yourself.

Strong women suffer the most because they can do everything well by themselves but they don’t have to. My husband went back to work 4 days after our first child was born leaving me all alone with the baby and when he was supposed to be on the paternity leave. He learned his lesson and stayed home for full 3 weeks of PL when our daughter was born (although mostly in virtual meetings like your husband). I was so frustrated and mad and almost thought about leaving him too . So relax, you are exhausted and proper rest will help a lot.

 

CONGRADULATIONS .

My heart is bleeding yet I congratulate for begetting another angel.
You have proved yourself you are capable of overcoming any hardship by your sincere love and compassion for fellow beings.

These are my words of comfort to heal while your other bosom friends have come up with pragmatic perspectives for you to brood over in these seemingly moments of crisis.

But then your situation is not something that has not been encountered by other mothers. They had showed you the methods to survive and overcome. East or west home is best! Always!

With seasons greetings

 

Congratulations Angela ...was thinking about you lately

 

Congratulations Angela. Life after a baby is very challenging. We may have different experiences but the lessons we will learn from it are what really matters. Time flies so fast and you will not notice the hardships it brought when you see your baby grow cutely and healthy.