Should I Divorce My Husband?

Get divorced, and start anew. The biggest advantage that you'd have in the new life is the lack of history of all those fights you've already had with your husband.
Hurry... because divorce takes a few years. And if you plan to have babies, this becomes very important.

 

This is definitely a red flag and I feel there is no point in staying with him.
If you are not working now get back to work and start taking next steps. Respect and love should be two ways in a marriage. If he is not interested then why waste time with him ?

 

Whats the reason for lack of trust? Is it because he take care of his family? Or not agreeing to go for a baby?
Marriage keep on evolving. Even if you remarry, you will notice similar changes with time. Its not the same all the time. Have you communicated your concerns with him.

You can't blame him for whatever he has said before marriage. Both of you were in love. No body forced you to marry him. So you are responsible for your marriage to him. You were also aware of his family status and his responsibilities. Think from his side too. Its natural to protect his mother or sil when no one else is there for them. I agree after marriage, wife should be the first priority. But in Indian set up.it won't work that way most of the time.

There is no pont in discussing past. It can not be reversed. You asked us what to do. We can't say go for divorce or stick with it. By the end of the day, you will be the only person affected by this. But I hope, our replies may help you to think. I wish you a happy life. So take a decision thats is best for you.

If he agrees with divorce, I guess the issues are severe ones. If you want this marriage to work, then take initiative in that direction. I suggest it because I believe divorce should be the last option and you should not feel later that you haven't tried. But if you are 100% convinced that it's not going to work and you are unhappy, dont waste your precious time.

You have to ask yourself what you want. If you are done with this marriage, there is no pont in delaying divorce. If its mutual, it can be done within one year, I believe. Its better to move on. But don't go for another marriage too soon. You have to heal yourself to start fresh. Only then you will be able to give 100% to your next marriage, if thats what you prefer (How Long Does "Typical" Divorce Recovery Take?)

Think about present and look forward to future. Take your own time

 

I think this will resonate with lot of people who are yet to be married, or who never had genuine marriage experience

I heard that marriages go through good decades and bad decades. Overall, married people are happier, especially after they been through rough patches.

OP may have problem like aspergers (OP, please clarify). It happened to one girl who had aspergers and could not understand her now ex's intentions. She thought some false behavior was love compared to isolation she usually faced by her peers.

Think of someone who is hungry. The person is thrown pebbles and she thinks it is food. She bites into the pebbles and they break her teeth.

We can only take in other people's advice.

There is this cray cray talk show host, but I do agree with her on one thing. She says divorce only if there is physical/emotional abuse, cheating, or some sort of addiction.

If I'm not mistaken, OP says Husband is nice person.

Again, this is up to OP, I am speaking as an inexperienced outsider.

Uncontested divorce may be best. If you are in USA.

 

8 years no child.

So much drama. Your H is master manipulator, it is not your fault, that you are immature, some people are empathic and trust easily.

get divorce. marriage is not a quick fix. Heal yourself. Build your self esteem and confidence, then add a partner to grow together.

For god sake, do not let go of your career. that is only thing that can help if things go south.

 

There is nothing left in your relationship to go on except memories of your love and marriage since h said you had a love marriage. Get divorced Asap because you are just wasting time. Your husband nor his family has absolutely no interest in this mess and his their priorities in life are completely different. To be honest a waste of eight years !
If it's possible , get divorced and move to a different place or job and even if you can't, try living independently without your parents. They obviously hate your past actions and your husband. So they will try to emo blackmail you and finally you will be forced to marry another guy to fulfill their wishes. Ask someone trustworthy to make enquirites about your proposal guy. Contact his exwife if possible and talk to her. You don't wanna be trapped with another emotionally and physically unavailable partner especially if you want to have kids. Don't discuss about this new proposal with anyone. They could use it against you during divorce proceedings. Move on enou time wasted.

 

Is there a guarantee that another man in view would behave and conduct in the way op would like?

Or is it a way to conduct experiment with life till one succeeds in getting a spouse confirming to op specs if any? Another marriage can not be for sure would render OP HAPPY OR WITH NO TORTURE OR TORMENT.

Remaining SINGLE also has too many ifs & buts and pitfalls - merits & demerits.
With seasons greetings to all followers here and to OP.

 

Hi Op,

I am advising you to break down all your decisions and attack them in sequence.

1. Do you still have love for your husband? And does he love you back? - If there is no emotional connection on both sides, the marriage is dead.
2. Do you want to stay in your marriage? - if you want to try to make it work, both of you will have to take effort to change the dynamics of the relationship. The way you function right now isn’t how a marriage should work- so involving a marriage counselor is a must IF you want to make things work.
3. Are you ready to be alone? - most likely not, but if the marriage is over, you have to heal from the pain. Do NOT get involved with anyone else - at least do not get committed to another person at this time. Give yourself some time to process (and at the very least, file for a divorce) before dating or meeting potential suitors.
4. Are you ready to find a new partner? - Once you work on healing yourself, you should start meeting potential partners. It’s not easy, but do not rush into marriage the 2nd time, even if you desire to have a family. For those who have not experienced divorce, they assume that you have to wait for the divorce documents before starting the search. Searching for alliances, after filing for divorce, is perfectly acceptable and practical.
5. 2nd marriage- Only enter into a new relationship/marriage, after understanding what you and your partner need to make the marriage work. Do not rush, just because of family expectations or fear of not having kids.

 

very wise reply

 

Nice advice.
I was (re)watching an old talk of Howard Zinn (RIP), a historian. The talk was subtitled, because their audiences are international.

And he had this to say: The human mind has an infinite capacity for self-deception"