Relationship With Mom

SGBV · Oct 8, 2020

Hugs to you girl....

I've seen a lot of similarities between your mom and mine and in fact can relate much with the emotions that you are going through.
Me and my sister would wonder how unlucky we were as kids, teens and as new mothers back in those prime times. Because we were not pampered, not treated with special care and not heard or understood by our mother.
We pretty much handled everything from puberty to pregnancy to delivery on our own and took those special times as yet another passing day.

Whenever we see how our SIL or co-sisters were pampered and treated with special care with their mothers, we feel hurt.

At least, I tried my best to cover up the emotional absence of my mom in my sister's life, specially during her pregnancy. But with all my inexperience and other commitments (i myself had a toddler, full time work and my share of family problems back then), I could do a very little then.
I am glad to know that my sister planned her 3rd pregnancy, desperately wanting another girl child to support her first DD, because she felt a sister's presence in life is utmost important after experiencing my support & care during her trying times.

My mom isn't a bad person. But this is what she is....
It hurts when she goes overboard and does things to her DIL (brother's wife) even though the DIL doesn't appreciate much. She does everything her DIL demands, and even beyond that, ONLY to impress her son.
The only difference is, we DDs keep silent and don't react much about her mistakes. But our brother is very vocal, and open when it comes to criticism.
I am 100% sure that she doesn't act from the heart, and at times feels restlessness too. But calculates everything from every angle.

The reality is each mother is a unique individual.
We live in the bubble believing what's projected in the movies and stories about motherhood.
Mothers are mere human beings, and definitely not equivalent to Gods.

There are good mothers, bad mothers and hundreds of shades between good and bad mothers. Our mothers are just one of them. That's all.
Accepting this will save us from so much heart breaks.
After accepting this, I was able to see many many other positives in her character.
No one is perfect in this world. It is not black and while....... Finding the right color in the many many shades of grey is the key to emotional success