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How Can My Friend Build Back Her Trust?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by blindpup10, Oct 11, 2020.

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  1. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    It always amuses me when OP send such a heart felt important message and then never replies back after so many feedback.

    I am more curious about why are you involved and that involved in so much details. men / women just like do not jump in to conclusions. when you are a couple for a long time, there are patterns and behavior that are noticed whenever there is a change in partner. just talking to a random guy or girl does not break trust. what you talk , how you talk matters.

    Social media has created more issues than really connected anyone.
     
  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I don't think so. It is the wrong people who use social media for whatever their wrong doings create problems.

    Exactly!
    No one would take such a serious decision based on one single incident. If her H is such a suspicious nut, he wouldn't have allowed her to do tik tok at the first place.
    Looks like, there have been series of instances that made him doubt her intention. This was the top of ice berg which everyone knows, but there should be more to it.

    Nevertheless, ask your friend to accept her flaws. She did emotionally cheated her husband.
    She knew the other boy had "interest" towards her. She knew his intention, yet she decided to give her contact number and chatted with him behind her husband's back. That too, secretly by saving his name as female name, so that no one identifies.
    She should accept this, understand the amount of damage she has caused already.
    Then she should apologize wholeheartedly and request for a second chance.

    It is human to err..... Borderline people can always go wrong with the influence of social media.

    One of my cousins' wife had this issue. I don't know the exact details of their case, but I remember she was forced to deactivate all her social media profiles for a while... say `1-2 years or so, and eventually the couple is back on track. Now that she is using social media, has access to all the platforms etc... but her H has her PW.
     
    blindpup10 and pinkydarling like this.
  3. AppuMom

    AppuMom Gold IL'ite

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    I think this is only one side of the story. Saving a name different in the device is fishy to me.She should de actvate all social media account or be in social media with password shared with H whatever her H asking.Its a long difficult road to travel.Her H may forgive her but will not forget the incident.She can get professional help to go if she is clueless.
     
  4. Agathinai

    Agathinai Gold IL'ite

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    Having patience and giving her husband enough time to heal. It’s not going to be easy when there is suspicion of cheating between husband and wife. If indeed she has anything more to tell, ask her to be honest and discuss with her husband. Then let her husband some time to think. She should be prepared for her husband to vent his anger out as he had been betrayed! Trust once lost takes a long time to heal. Maybe months or even years. But if she had come clean and willing to repair the relationship then she is the one who will have to maintain patience until he comes around. Only by living a transparent life hereafter can she slowly build the trust. Honesty, patience and healing time is all she needs now.
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2020
  5. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks, Rihana, Malstrom, HopiKrihsna, SGBV. For seeing the problem as is.
    People, who think I need to reply to the comments- What should I reply on? I don't know anything beyond whats I have already said.
    And people who have said enjoy the entertainment IF this whole situation is even FACTUAL. Thanks a ton for mocking and having your day.

    Request to moderator please close this thread.
     
  6. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    I apologize if you feel my comments were rude. the intention was not to make fun and enjoy a sadistic happiness. but trust me , as a 3rd person, there is nothing you can do how to change anyone feelings towards anyone else. can you make her spouse change his mind, if one she dress up well and goes out alone to meet her friends.

    indirectly you opened a can of worms.

    sorry if that was rude comment. and again, there was no intention to insult you in any form. If this site has a tool to delete the thread, i will happy to do
     
  7. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    @blindpup10,

    I feel compelled to respond since you called me out specifically in your thread and in the next breath asked for it to be closed so...

    1. You most certainly misunderstood my post. There was no mocking or taunting whatsoever in it. Maybe you should read it again?
    2. If you didn’t understand what I meant in my post you could’ve asked me to clarify. why didn’t you ask?

    3. Since you asked the thread be closed I won’t drag this out with explanations.

    I am quite surprised and a little disappointed you reacted like this but fine! To each their own.
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2020
  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Blindpup posted a problem about "tik tok admin A, my friend B, and her husband C." B's marriage is on the rocks and blindpup posted asking for suggestions to help her. Your response included:

    "My advice to you is enjoy the entertainment if she chooses to regale you with more installments of her saga but don’t get taken in"

    Pointing out possible missing parts in the story is one thing. Suggesting that the woman's predicament is entertainment to be enjoyed can come across as mocking or taunting to the person who posts the thread.

    @blindpup10 was quite restrained in her response and did the right thing by getting the thread closed before it went more downhill.

    I found it jarring to read that a woman's problem of this kind -- even if it was of her own doing -- could be considered as a source of any entertainment.
     
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