How Can My Friend Build Back Her Trust?

In my opinion, its very tough to gain the confidence back in this scenario. Even if it did happen, it may be temporary thing. There is every possibility of husband bringing this topic in future.

Many red flags.
She should have cut off the contact as soon as she understood that the person has feelings for her. Not doinh so might have encouraged that person.
Saving his number with female name. Deleting chat history... all these are big red flags in husbands point of view.

 

B was wrong to talk to A under this scenario. There is nothing wrong with having opposite-gender friends while married. But if you have to hide that from spouse then that is a red flag. B should have cut off all contact with A at the outset. But that is now water under the bridge.
I would say that while it might appear that C is somewhat overreacting, the way B has behaved has given fuel to the fire and his is not completely unjustified. No doubt he is shocked and hurt by this. Why hide a chat if there is nothing to hide? I do have a few guy friends back from school and college days and we often shoot brief messages on WhatsApp when something of interest comes up. But we never write anything that we wouldn't mind a spouse or kids seeing.
I would suggest that B tries individual therapy so she can avoid such scenarios in future, and both of them also go to couples counseling.
Even if this is not physical cheating it does have the appearance of an emotional affair. B should consider how she would feel if the tables were turned in this situation.
And it goes without saying to stay off social media for a while.

 

Like others said B was very immature to fall into the trap of A. May be its just a temporary excitement. Reg flags!

I think C deserves to know the truth. He should feel true remorse and regret from B. She should admit her mistake of giving that number and say sorry to him. Through her actions she should show how valuable C is to her. Be very transparent.

Just imagine how B might have felt if C did the same thing. Anyone in that place can think about emotional affair, when spouse hide things.

Another way is to go for individual or couple counseling. If they are working, EAP will cover it.

Damage is done. It can never be the same once trust is lost. As the mistake is done by B, its her job to bring back C into the track by exhibiting love, affection, sincerity, positivity. There are great chance that C bring it against her again. Just consider it as his attempt to flush it from his system and be empathetic to him.. B needs lot of patience and composure during this journey. If she go negative, the impact will be quite high on C 's mind. So be very careful while talking this topic with him. Past can't be reversed, but she can make efforts to improve her present.

 

What A or B should have done, could have done, etc... are not very useful for OP's needs:

The optics of what had happened looks bad from the husband's point of view.
My advice to B:
If you had said all you had to say in dribs and drabs, and during occasions when C is not in a mood to listen to what you had said, please find an occasion to have your final say. Firmly and quietly. And then proceed with your life in a peaceful manner. Prepare for C to walk out of your life, if he cannot absolutely trust your word. Trust is the foundation for a married life; if that isn't there, there is no marriage. Good luck.

 

It is difficult to bring back someone's trust when it is broen, but you can still try, he or she can sense or see your sincerity after all.

 

Hey your friend has done wrong. Just imagine if her husband did, then you can understand his pain and broken trust. There is nothing much you can do as a friend, but you can make her understand the gravity and make her realise her mistake.

Your friend has made friendship with that guy after he told his feelings, that is worse. Why she only stopped when she got caught? What she did is some kind of emotional cheating - putting female name, hiding truth, deleting messages.


Ofcourse, she must firstly block that guy and get off that social media.She should put every effort from her side , and must give her husband time, and the choice to make his decision .
Maybe she should be prepared if her husband walks away- true love is about respecting her husband's rights and dignity. She must tell everything honestly to her husband, and she must leave the rest to God.

 

Hey @blindpup10,

Just wanted to ask- is this even a true story or some hypothetical scenario your friend has laid before you?

I read your account and assuming her story is factual, in several aspects, it simply doesn’t compute. We are being asked to make 3 giant leaps of faith-
1. Random Admin guy sees her tiktok and instantly starts stalking her —- ( really???!!!!)
2. She’s super innocent, genuine, only wants to promote her tiktok yet somehow his name is saved under female alias in her phone???!!! (Uh-hunh... yeah very convincing.)
3. Husband knows every name in her phone book (really!?) and instantly zeroes in on the alias and deduces entire story. (Umm- sure.)

My feedback - She’s only told you part of the story. Husbands reaction shows that this isn’t first time this has happened. Also proved by her saving his name under alias- which normal person thinks of that? But... apparently it’s a go-to for cheaters.

My advice to you is enjoy the entertainment if she chooses to regale you with more installments of her saga but don’t get taken in. Dal is definitely taking on a darker hue, as we speak.

 

Breaking someone's trust is like a crumpling a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over, but it's never going to be the same again.