Here Comes The Hotstepper: With Mira And Kartik

'Kartik, we never read a book together?' He pretends to contemplate, 'you never suggested, so'.

Now I am suggesting, let's read a book together, not your high-brow literature, but something that dimwits like me won't sweat excessively while reading. Some easy-going book. You know, easy easy, big letters, nicely worded, books that common people read.

'Ah, just the right book. Edible Gender, Mother-in-law style, and other grammatical wonders, the studies in Dyirbal, Yidin and Warrgamay by Dixon.'

'KARTIK, ' she howls.

'Just kidding babe.'

How do you know such books. Why do you even read them. I can never fathom your love for difficult books.

'Great book on the linguistic differences between ...'

'Kartik, I don't know about edible gender but I know what we should do hereafter. For the next holiday, book a comfy hotel with buffet meals. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. We should do that, just prowl about in the hotel restaurant. Meal after meal, delight after delight of kachori to gauteau. Kartik, we should also travel to Kerala and tuck into Malabar Biryani. We should do that ..do that ..Kartik ..chalna.'

'Babe, you don't have to travel to Kerala to have Malabar biryani. Hop into any Kerala restaurant in any state and be served their cuisine.'

'Moron! You are pleased with inauthenticity. But gourmet tongues like mine are like the princess and the pea.'

'Visit home with me. Mom makes grand biryani.' He awaits her response.

'No match fixing here. I know how folks are. One look at me, and your mother will insist ..kitni pyaari hai, kitni susheel hai, are you marrying her?'

'Mira, my folks are nothing like that. Tum apne aap ko bahut zyaada samajthi ho. Moreover one minute into the conversation you will ensure to scare their wits away with your feverish pitch. I should be the one worried about my inexperienced parents and the hurricane I would unleash on them if I invite you home.'

'Yeh sab chodo. We will be Jogi and Jogini types ...deeply and madly in love with each other with no worldly intrusions like that gaana'

'Kaun sa gaana?'

'Never mind.'

'Arey, what's that illuminating song about undisturbed love? How will I learn to be a devoted jogi to you if you don't teach me the gaana, honey.'

'Kartik, I enjoy these aimless conversations with you.'

'Well ...'

'We could driftingly talk for seasons about nothing and everything.'

'Well ...'

'Yeh well well kya, paani chayiye kya.'

'Well, welly, will take you to Kerala to your Malabar Biryani'

(Sometimes Kartik is extremely cute that way while Mira enlists him in her foodie trail)

 

Kartik points out, but last time you mentioned, to which Mira counters, but you only noticed, but you only quoted, but you inferred, but you inquired, but you stirred, but you dismissed, but you resurfaced, is that, by which, which is, you are impossible!

(One must have a relentlessly jovial partner to bicker making the the whole experience enjoyable and laughable about their incessant nitpicking)

Kartik is a charmer that way when he derails into John Milton and Alexander Pope in the burning argument about laundry to make an essential point, as he cites them emphatically, they are important to the argument.

 

Kartik, I fell for you head over observing the wit and intelligence in sine curve demonstration to me. But, when did you?

Well, not everyday I walk into women who collar me to explain the ideas of Hipparchus and Menelaus in a date ignoring the profundities and tribulations in relationships. You were weird! I liked you.

But did you sense I would turn out to be such an outlandish woman.

Mira, I told you time and again, you espouse your own delusions, I, mine on sensing interesting partners. Still, every morning you mercilessly recall that first date we had, highlight the inquiry, and wheedle out affirmation from me— yes, yes, yes, you were instantly sensed, my kind of a girl. Is that what you want to hear?

Forget it.

Arey, roz yaad dilati ho aur bolti ho forget it.
You were incredibly weird and there’s no way I would not have been interested in you. First sight, I knew it. I knew it, Mira.

 

Kartik, I miss your witty captions, pictures around your workplace, having your cappuccino, the cookie, your bakwas poetry, some medieval occult styled impromptu picture to pique my interest. I miss your awayness, the distance, the pranks from afar during your lunch and commute. These days, too much togetherness, your activity, lunching together during the lockdown, erm, don't you miss us of the earlier times.

You are a strange woman. Miss my unavailability because I am too much at your beck and call these days. Shouldn't you be glad that we are lunching and schmoozing?

You don't get it. I miss the other side of you, your chirp, the goof from a distance travelling home updating your commute status - that - baby, home in 30 minutes.

Women! Tell you! Never satisfied. A man within or without reach is still inadequate.

Tell me Kartik, do you believe in soulmate?

Jump between topics, Mira. A second ago you were psychoanalyzing my cappuccino caption and now soulmate.

Arey, bolo na..

You tell me, Mira, do you believe in soulmate?

Of course, Kartik, not soulmate but soulmates. Meet people in life who feel so right for you. You meet them in college, or work, or social gathering, sometimes you soul with them, sometimes you soul pass them, sometimes insist being souled, or drift away in your soul ..

Even Faust would have stumped with your soul trafficking, Mira.

But you are my souldered mate!

Thanks for that niche remark, Mira. The knight feels honoured. I feel like listening to your Star Wars jokes forever realising that I made and soldered you for me in a computer.

That's Deadpool meme!

Ah, Mira. Good at catching memes. About your souldered mates, Mira, you don't really need a man in your life. You are an agile thinker. You are extremely sorted out in your mind. Need a good conversationalist, any dropout from MIT, Caltech will delight you, their flair and rascalities, any academic regalia, you fall in love with that intellectual outfit, the cap and gown, like the suit of Richard Gere pointed out in an interview.

What interview, Kartik?

Richard Gere was asked, why he acted in "Pretty Women" knowing the charm and shine was Julia Roberts in the script. Knowing he was only a man in a classy suit, he accepted the film over an encounter with Julia Roberts. He knew, it didn't matter, who, the actor, just a suit, any actor in suit will do. You too are like that. Blithe and unruly thinker chancing on a stimulating 'suit' to talk to, the occupancy of the suit hardly matters to you.

Arey, you, my beloved Iron Man, are insulting my souldered bepanah mohabbat for you. The thing is, I enjoy men of refinement, the ideas, the aptitude ..

Enjoy? What are you, a werewolf?

Kartik, I like you because you will conjoin Otranto and Ocampa in the same puff of an argument.

Well, my girl seems to know her Star Trek.

Dude, just because I lost in scrabble against your Tolkien's English, don't underestimate this trekkie.

I never do. You are a harlequin-beetle-riding pseudoscorpion.

And you are my long-tailed dance fly.

What is that love story you write in some column about us the pseudoscorpion and the dance fly.

Not any known column, just a dimlit corner, forlorn and quiet page, where no one bothers me, I exude.

Does anyone read your mind-boggling story?

Not that I am aware of, the impression I make is woh jo ajeeb ut-patang bhonkti hai!

Kartik, the hallmark of a good relationship is the ability of the couple to talk in private language and memes and coded references that only they both could form a meaningful conversation. I likey you because you are my ideal partner in that fluff. I liketh you because ..ye tumhari meri baatein hamesha yun hi chalti rahe

Righto! That must be your hallmark for a souldered mate, too, eh?