How To Say No To Inlaws??

You can request him to consider other given options as you have a strong reason...you are overly burdened with work and tirelessly working.. obviously you are tired .
Murukku can be done at home or bought from outside also .
In this pandemic situation with no servants and extra workload it is not easy to load with extra works everyday .
You can choose to say no today but can agree to do it on another day if you are willing to or order Snack stuff from outside.
From what you have written You FIL Doing murukku for himself and all of you .. hats off to him ..
He choose to make murukku rather then choosing to make an issue out of it .

 

Hi,
From reading your post and replies I don't think this is just about the snacks or muruku, I guess there is something more to it that you want to vent about.

I have a few questions if you don't mind:
Growing up did you have a different approach to prayer and puja? You seem to be very upset in the way your in-laws are expecting you to do puja.

When your FIL did the snacks on that day did they say something that hurt you?

Are you feeling that your family including husband, kids and inlaws have not appreciated or acknowledged the work you put it?

Or is it just that, with the pandemic you feel overwhelmed with everyone staying at home and you are not able to get that small break you used to take when it was the ex normal life?

 

Just a small reminder of your own post from long back.. remember those days and go about
Sep 13, 2014

Ria84Senior IL'ite
On my Birthday...everyone wished me...she (MIL) was there itself...she never bothered to wish me... Why does she act like that??

It was sweet of my FIL to prepare some Payasam and my husband to prepare some fried stuff for me on my birthday.

 

Would you want him to enter? Sometimes you should not wish for things that will make your life difficult in the future. Everyone here understands your pain, but some problems have no good solution. Thanks to lockdown, people can't go out, bored in the house, feel like snacking. Yes, people take advantage sometimes. In your case, don't put too much effort into pushback. He did it, it's done. Let him enjoy his snacks. If he asks or expresses disappointment, then politely tell him the reason why you cannot do it. Don't beat yourself up for it. Your husband could have done it, but he didn't, it's his fault, not yours.

 

As everyone has said you might not be able to say a NO downright. So one of the way, would be to ask them for a head's up if something special is to be prepared, so you can accommodate it. If you are too tired or not interested just say sorry not today.

One thing to remember is there is no kind way to say NO, the other person will always feel bad and always saying yes will hurt you.
So the best way is to find balance. And it is okay to prioritise yourself. And if you don't do it and they are still insistent on themselves doing it, well enjoy the snacks.

And yes it is very frustrating to always be on commands..do this do that.. and that too when you are already doing a lot. Just express you are tired or be honest and tell you are not interested to do it right now.

 

Why don't ask your MIL or FIL to do the Pooja room rituals if they are interested. In many home grand parents take care of it. You can say No, but find ways to do it diplomatically as you are living with them. Also involve everyone in househokd jobs and ask for help to everyone including your husband. Please don't overload yourself.