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How To Say No To Inlaws??

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Ria84, Jul 28, 2020.

  1. Ria84

    Ria84 Bronze IL'ite

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    How to say NO to inlaws in such a way that they dont get offended?

    Sometimes my FIL wants me to cook something which I clearly dont want to, but end up doing it with frustration. This has happened many many times.
    I cook breakfast lunch dinner, sometimes evening snacks. Cleaning the pooja room everyday, washing the 24 silver diyas and putting those cotton whatever dipped with ghee for lighting diyas and washing the silver pooja items everyday. On top of it other household chores as maids have been asked not to come.

    My FIL had prepared the flour mixture for murukku and he wanted me to make the dough and then fry it. I didn't want to do it. I dont like people asking me to do things for them just because I'm their DIL and they think I'm there only to do such things.

    Told my husband I dont like preparing what he asked for. My husband told his father that he will prepare. Finally my FIL ended up doing it.

    How can it be my house when I'm not able to be myself??

    How does one say sweetly and nicely NO to inlaws???

    Btw am staying with inlaws but in 2 different floors but share the same kitchen as I do most of the cooking.
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
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  2. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Gold IL'ite

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    I think nothing wrg in asking ,they are not asking or demanding you to cook bcoz u r DIL,may b dy like to eat d way u cook,,,if u r feeling tired tell dm u wil prepare it tomorrow...don’t think dy are ordering u,if u cook u and ur children and ur hubby wil als enjoy those na..if ur children asked u to cook something means wil u tract d same way???
    If dy are asking u daily tel dm u can’t prepare everyday onl in Sunday or weekly once onl u can able to prepare something,and tel dm maid was not dre so it’s difficult to clr all stuff
     
    sridharvijji and sarvantaryamini like this.
  3. Ria84

    Ria84 Bronze IL'ite

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    Probably would wholeheartedly if they'd treated me same as they treat their son and grandchildren. Have tolerated enough in the guise of tradition and have done a lot.
     
  4. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    You handled it just fine. You communicated to husband that you won't do it, and your job was done. Continue doing just that. Do you mean your FIL shouldn't even ask you? I think that's not for you to decide. He asked, you said no, and he found another way to get it done. Story finish!
     
  5. netflx

    netflx Gold IL'ite

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    I dont think anything wrong in FIL asking you. Its just something to eat that he is asking you to make. If you are not able to do it, and you told him and he didnt argue with you. He just went ahead and did that himself. Elder people like to snack sometimes and nothing wrong with that.

    It will be good if you can make things they like to eat sometimes, and sometimes it is ok if you are not able to make it and let them know. So, there is a balance of "Yes, I'll do it gladly", and "No, I am not able to do it this time". Balance between the two will be good.
     
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  6. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, I agree with others. As long as they are not doing unjustified demands, it should be okay. Though it is frustrating and annoying, bear it with a little patience. At least he did the frying himself. If he made a scene about it later, then you should feel bad. It is only when it creates a fight between husband and you, that you should be concerned. Or if it is causing you a major inconvenience, then you should worry about it. You try to think in your FIL's shoes too, he can't directly go to kitchen and do it himself since you are in charge of it. If he is doing other activities in kitchen, but wants you to do this specifically, then you can push back and say that you cannot do it.
     
  7. netflx

    netflx Gold IL'ite

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    Plus, people of the elder generation do become dependent on our generation for such chores over time, part of Nature, and I think we need to take it in the stride to do some things for them (as long as not too unreasonable demand)
     
  8. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    I think you handled it well. Nothing wrong in FIL doing as long as he doesn't create any issue.
    Probably buy some snacks he enjoy and keep stock of it at home.
     
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  9. preeti6years

    preeti6years Silver IL'ite

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    Been there. Done that. I would say, if they appreciate your cooking and let you be yourself and happy then there is nothing wrong in obliging their request every now and then. Again just that there is positivity around doesnt mean that you should keep slogging. If not if they eat as if its some store bought or doesnt treat you well in other matters, then you should find a route to get away from it.
    If latter is the case, continuously reject twice or thrice and that would stop them from asking you
     
  10. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Also, think about whether you refused to make the murukku because you really did not want to or only because FIL asked. If it is the latter, let it go sometimes to indulge an old man. Life is too short to hold on to petty grudges!!
     
    sarvantaryamini likes this.

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