When Unexpected Happens !!

HariLakhera · Jul 19, 2020

WHEN UNEXPECTED HAPPENS
Until yesterday, he was thinking and planning about - things to do and places to visit. We are regulars on the walking trail in a park near our residential complex. We came to know each other because of this passion only. We meet at the park every morning at almost at the same time.

He has been facing some health issues for quite some time. He has been under the care of a good physician and therefore had few health worries. For the last few months, he has been complaining of a recurring soar in the mouth. His physician prescribed some mouth gels and the soar disappeared. It appeared again and this time the doctor prescribed some antibiotics and advised to consult a specialist. Some doubts set in his mind but he did not tell anyone in the family.

Anxious to know more, he surfed the internet and all symptoms lead to possible mouth cancer. He tried to convince himself. It is not possible. He stopped smoking some 30 years back. He never chewed tobacco. He keeps good hygiene. He has not done any wrong, he had always been God-fearing and honest and truthful to the core. Finally, he went to another specialist doctor. He did not want to scare the family and therefore did not take anyone with him. He would tell them at the right time. The doctor examined him and did not concur with his fears, though not as vehemently as he would have expected. The very fact that the doctor advised biopsy confirmed his fears. He referred him to another specialist. It took time to fix an appointment as the specialist was out of town. Finally, he could meet the specialist. He was not very sure and advised a biopsy to confirm either way. The sample was sent for biopsy. Report expected in three days-wait and See.

The intervening period was gruesome, to say the least. There was every possibility that his fears were unfounded. The biopsy will be negative. But what if it is positive? He will surely die, sooner than he had expected. Did he fear death because he has seen life? He has been telling everyone, who cared to listen, that death is obligatory, everything else is optional. He had attended many funerals and tried to console the aggrieved families by telling not to grieve, stay strong. How sallow all that looks now!

Looking back, he retraced the steps and was reminded of all the hardships and troubles he had faced in life. He was reminded of the many unanswered questions of life-reasons for failures, deceit. Will death be in a position to answer all those questions? Will those questions remain unanswered forever? What will be death look like - dark, cold and all alone? Will the light in the tunnel be as bright as was described by someone? Sadly, the living knows that they would die but the dead know nothing. Or do they?

These and many such questions are haunting him. He is swinging like the pendulum of the clock on the wall-left, right and left or is it right, left and right. Hope- despair and hope or Despair- hope and Despair?

I am also helping him to stay positive, strong and hopeful. I tell him of the advancement in the field o cancer treatment. I know all this will fall flat if the report is positive.

I hope the report is negative so that I may say-look, I told you. I want to be proved right.

Viswamitra · Jul 19, 2020

Dear Hari Sir,

I wish you friend positive result. It is heart-breaking to know one has a terminal illness and the waiting period to get results of biopsy is even worse. Fear is an essential emotion that helps one to cope up with such bad news but it is difficult to be constantly in fear. That is why they move up to denial, anger, and acceptance stages. Yes, death is inevitable for everyone but knowing death is going to happen within a specific period and living fearing death is painful. Real-life is a shade different than what scriptures want us to know. The Hindu scriptures state that we continue to live but in an astral plain only to reincarnate again and dying is just like changing our garment. But all of us are extremely attached to this garment and letting it go is hard no matter how old it had become. Fear of death falls under the category of fear of unknown.

Rihana · Jul 19, 2020

HariLakhera said: ↑

Did he fear death because he has seen life?
Click to expand...

What a simple yet deep question! What one sees in life influences how one feels about death. And, this changes as old experiences fade from the mind and new memories form. It is the sum total of one's life so far that dictates how we feel about death: calm, at peace, afraid, apprehensive, cheated, resigned, helpless, in-charge. My choice would be: prepared.

Well-written. Not an easy topic to write about. Best wishes to your friend, Hari ji.

HariLakhera · Jul 21, 2020

Viswamitra said: ↑

Dear Hari Sir,

I wish you friend positive result. It is heart-breaking to know one has a terminal illness and the waiting period to get results of biopsy is even worse. Fear is an essential emotion that helps one to cope up with such bad news but it is difficult to be constantly in fear. That is why they move up to denial, anger, and acceptance stages. Yes, death is inevitable for everyone but knowing death is going to happen within a specific period and living fearing death is painful. Real-life is a shade different than what scriptures want us to know. The Hindu scriptures state that we continue to live but in an astral plain only to reincarnate again and dying is just like changing our garment. But all of us are extremely attached to this garment and letting it go is hard no matter how old it had become. Fear of death falls under the category of fear of unknown.
Click to expand...

Dear Shri Viswa,
Thanks. Whatever happens, he is assured of the best treatment possible and fortunately, treatment is available.
The all know that death is inevitable but do not know when and how. This is the reason for fear. If we knew the exact date and time, I do not know how we would react. It may make some loving and caring to the last moment and it may turn someone a tyrant when he nears the end. It is worth making a movie.
The best part is we know what we are when we are alive, not before nor after.

HariLakhera · Jul 21, 2020

Rihana said: ↑

What a simple yet deep question! What one sees in life influences how one feels about death. And, this changes as old experiences fade from the mind and new memories form. It is the sum total of one's life so far that dictates how we feel about death: calm, at peace, afraid, apprehensive, cheated, resigned, helpless, in-charge. My choice would be: prepared.

Well-written. Not an easy topic to write about. Best wishes to your friend, Hari ji.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your good wishes. Staying 'Prepared" is the best choice.

jayasala42 · Jul 21, 2020

To face the problem is much more easier,once we have reconciled ourselves to the situation and we can start facing.But the interim period of waiting for results is really crucious. I have experienced this on morethan six occasion. Unwieldy imaginations pass through our mind.My friend's son was predicted to meet with his end at the age of eight. For six long years ,( it was predicted when he was two),everyday even for small ailments
she would start disturbing herself.She didn't tell her husband since he never believed in astrology.
The child was 8. The problem which started as a normal fever ended th hospitalization and a battery of tests were undertaken.Meanwhile the mother was ever thinking about astrological prediction became much depressed and was admitted in a different hospital and was being treated for depression. The husband was moving from one nursing home to another.The child was improving slowly.But the mother became really bad.The psychologist doctor very well realised the mental trauma. He decided to convey a harsh truth to the mother-the saddest news of her son's demise.The mother wept and wept.She was given injections and was made to sleep.After 10 hrs she cried again but with reconciliation. She started telling that destiny is unchangeable.She got reconciled to the child's death and within a day or two was discharged.The father carefully removed the toys and dresses of the child.The mother, after a month ,met the psychologist with a small gift .She was talking with great conviction and profusely thanked the doctor for making her strong.The doctor in turn presented her with the most valuable gift-her son, whom he was keeping in his custody.
The waiting is always bad.Once she was informed of the awaiting tragedy, she felt for a while and became normal.Facing the tragic news sometimes makes you strong.
jayasala42

shyamala1234 · Jul 21, 2020

HariLakhera said: ↑

WHEN UNEXPECTED HAPPENS
Until yesterday, he was thinking and planning about - things to do and places to visit. We are regulars on the walking trail in a park near our residential complex. We came to know each other because of this passion only. We meet at the park every morning at almost at the same time.

He has been facing some health issues for quite some time. He has been under the care of a good physician and therefore had few health worries. For the last few months, he has been complaining of a recurring soar in the mouth. His physician prescribed some mouth gels and the soar disappeared. It appeared again and this time the doctor prescribed some antibiotics and advised to consult a specialist. Some doubts set in his mind but he did not tell anyone in the family.

Anxious to know more, he surfed the internet and all symptoms lead to possible mouth cancer. He tried to convince himself. It is not possible. He stopped smoking some 30 years back. He never chewed tobacco. He keeps good hygiene. He has not done any wrong, he had always been God-fearing and honest and truthful to the core. Finally, he went to another specialist doctor. He did not want to scare the family and therefore did not take anyone with him. He would tell them at the right time. The doctor examined him and did not concur with his fears, though not as vehemently as he would have expected. The very fact that the doctor advised biopsy confirmed his fears. He referred him to another specialist. It took time to fix an appointment as the specialist was out of town. Finally, he could meet the specialist. He was not very sure and advised a biopsy to confirm either way. The sample was sent for biopsy. Report expected in three days-wait and See.

The intervening period was gruesome, to say the least. There was every possibility that his fears were unfounded. The biopsy will be negative. But what if it is positive? He will surely die, sooner than he had expected. Did he fear death because he has seen life? He has been telling everyone, who cared to listen, that death is obligatory, everything else is optional. He had attended many funerals and tried to console the aggrieved families by telling not to grieve, stay strong. How sallow all that looks now!

Looking back, he retraced the steps and was reminded of all the hardships and troubles he had faced in life. He was reminded of the many unanswered questions of life-reasons for failures, deceit. Will death be in a position to answer all those questions? Will those questions remain unanswered forever? What will be death look like - dark, cold and all alone? Will the light in the tunnel be as bright as was described by someone? Sadly, the living knows that they would die but the dead know nothing. Or do they?

These and many such questions are haunting him. He is swinging like the pendulum of the clock on the wall-left, right and left or is it right, left and right. Hope- despair and hope or Despair- hope and Despair?

I am also helping him to stay positive, strong and hopeful. I tell him of the advancement in the field o cancer treatment. I know all this will fall flat if the report is positive.

I hope the report is negative so that I may say-look, I told you. I want to be proved right.
Click to expand...

Dear Hariji,
Veterans expressed their views in a very philosophical way.
But my view is that of a common person. Leave out death . Any unexpected event....if happy one we rejoice. If sad....it varies. Simple sad events we overcome. But big ones...
Brain first becomes numb. Then gradually recover. If strength is the only option left we do become strong...God gave us that gift. Otherwise how can the world survive. Many lost their near and dear ones!!!!
Syamala

Thyagarajan · Jul 21, 2020

a soar in mouth treated relapse then expected unexpected happens. Biopsy result could turn this way that way. It is expected. Whatever be the aftermath. One has to live through the fear or pretend to be brave of imminent death. But mere getting under test itself puts one under grip of fear psychosis. You could induce positivity into phobia monger but he or she would continue with that emotion and have vicarious experience of the ultimate end.
Twin towers blasted. Unexpected.
Taj hotel in Mumbai turned into inferno. It was unexpected. Operation ENTEBBE- unexpected. But what Israel expected happened. For Idi Amin it was unexpected. Amazon forest fires unexpected and so on. Air India Boeing Kanishka, flying from Toronto to Bombay, plunged into the Atlantic Ocean killing all 329 passengers and 22 crew members.

The world coped with all these upfront. Your friend willynilly should be brave to face the result of biopsy.
I shudder to think If only God has etched or written over head ( as in movie OMEN) of individuals the date of his or her expiry.....
THANKS AND REGARDS.

HariLakhera · Jul 23, 2020

jayasala42 said: ↑

To face the problem is much more easier,once we have reconciled ourselves to the situation and we can start facing.But the interim period of waiting for results is really crucious. I have experienced this on morethan six occasion. Unwieldy imaginations pass through our mind.My friend's son was predicted to meet with his end at the age of eight. For six long years ,( it was predicted when he was two),everyday even for small ailments
she would start disturbing herself.She didn't tell her husband since he never believed in astrology.
The child was 8. The problem which started as a normal fever ended th hospitalization and a battery of tests were undertaken.Meanwhile the mother was ever thinking about astrological prediction became much depressed and was admitted in a different hospital and was being treated for depression. The husband was moving from one nursing home to another.The child was improving slowly.But the mother became really bad.The psychologist doctor very well realised the mental trauma. He decided to convey a harsh truth to the mother-the saddest news of her son's demise.The mother wept and wept.She was given injections and was made to sleep.After 10 hrs she cried again but with reconciliation. She started telling that destiny is unchangeable.She got reconciled to the child's death and within a day or two was discharged.The father carefully removed the toys and dresses of the child.The mother, after a month ,met the psychologist with a small gift .She was talking with great conviction and profusely thanked the doctor for making her strong.The doctor in turn presented her with the most valuable gift-her son, whom he was keeping in his custody.
The waiting is always bad.Once she was informed of the awaiting tragedy, she felt for a while and became normal.Facing the tragic news sometimes makes you strong.
jayasala42
Click to expand...

Yes, that is one reason, I did not want to add the aftermath of the receipt of report, which is negative. But these intervening days has virtually and literally devastated the family. The incident you have narrated is a mix of faith and logic. I do not subscribe to what the astrologers say not at least to a astrologer in question who as so naive to say so openly. he could have asked to take caution but predicting death is too inhuman and unkind.

trolesers

HariLakhera · Jul 23, 2020

Thyagarajan said: ↑

a soar in mouth treated relapse then expected unexpected happens. Biopsy result could turn this way that way. It is expected. Whatever be the aftermath. One has to live through the fear or pretend to be brave of imminent death. But mere getting under test itself puts one under grip of fear psychosis. You could induce positivity into phobia monger but he or she would continue with that emotion and have vicarious experience of the ultimate end.
Twin towers blasted. Unexpected.
Taj hotel in Mumbai turned into inferno. It was unexpected. Operation ENTEBBE- unexpected. But what Israel expected happened. For Idi Amin it was unexpected. Amazon forest fires unexpected and so on. Air India Boeing Kanishka, flying from Toronto to Bombay, plunged into the Atlantic Ocean killing all 329 passengers and 22 crew members.

The world coped with all these upfront. Your friend willynilly should be brave to face the result of biopsy.
I shudder to think If only God has etched or written over head ( as in movie OMEN) of individuals the date of his or her expiry.....
THANKS AND REGARDS.
Click to expand...

Thanks. The intervening period between the submission of sample and biopsy report was really full of anxiety for the family. They were in fear mode for all the time and we knew no amount of preaching will help except to stay prepared for the worst and think of remedial measures. Fortunately the report was negative.