Asking For Change When You Don't Contribute Financially

Why would you assume that if someone posts about a man living with wife's parents , it has to be a troll. Please get educated about the diversity of India. It's not rare in the Northeastern part.

 

who said its even about someone living with someone else. Why jumping the gun? re-read the posters continuous comments.

 

"trolling" "a bunch of feminist women" ....
Then you should explain and point out rather than making such statements based on your assumptions. People post here for support, if you disagree with their views , then tell your view point and try to change their view rather than labeling people like this.

 

its not an assumption, it is very much a viewpoint. Me being a staunch feminist , I have that viewpoint when I read the thread. Lets not have selective empathy towards peoples posts/comments. Well, if its something you dont want to hear, its perhaps normal to get ruffled.
A person posts something, people read, people react. Same was mine. Mine was just not as kind and sugarcoated.
Honesty is hard to take. Lets move on. Ill keep reading more of the ops answers - maybe my view will change in future.

 

I don't sympathise with OP's posts- and I don't know where I've shown "selective" empathy- don't know what you mean by that and on what basis would you say that ? Your post is rude to say I'm "ruffled" because of selective empathy towards OP. I just feel one can be honest without labelling people crassly and making assumptions - "a bunch of feminist women" etc.

I already pointed out OP's confusing views. OP believes he is doing a favor to inlaws but infarct OP is saving a lot of money by not sharing expenses , and is himself reluctant to move out soon as it will be expensive to get a place of his own. We can point out the unfairness that he should not misuse by living for free and making construction demands . But we should not dismiss a genuine poster as a troll-that doesn't help anyone.

 

its not an assumption, it is very much a viewpoint. Me being a staunch feminist , I have that viewpoint when I read the thread. Lets not have selective empathy towards peoples posts/comments. Well, if its something you dont want to hear, its perhaps normal to get ruffled.
A person posts something, people read, people react. Same was mine. Mine was just not as kind and sugarcoated.
Honesty is hard to take. Lets move on. Ill keep reading more of the ops answers - maybe my view will change in future.

aaaall right ... what you wrote is just provocative. I'll just let it slide by. The ops post did feel like trolling me.
Selective empathy means you are open to take one persons post and comments. But not open to take another persons opinions. And all you do is just snub me and call me names ("crass"). If you want to be open - you need to be open to everyones views. Good/bad/ugly/encouraging/anything else. OP's is one problem. You on the other hand, is grilling someone for giving an honest view - and that too in the name of helping someone.

 

Dear OP

You are living with your in laws because they & your wife wanted this way. So you have given in & are happy about your decision. That's great!

That's what many DILs do in India too. That their in laws & H wants to live in joint family ( spouse's parents) and the DILs give it. Some of them are happy & some are not bcz of how they are treated at their in laws home.

As you have rightly said your situation is much better than many DILs situation at their in laws place.

Now i am asking from the DILs who stay with PILs whether they have done any alterations in the home (marital home) so far?

My sister lives with her PILs, based on a similar demand from her PILs and H that she must stay with them. She agreed and it all goes well so far.
Now that, she does change the house then and there. Change the furniture, change the garden set up, change the curtains & interiors quite often. Recently, she did change rather build a new bathroom for convenience, and planning to build the upper portion/first floor very soon.
She doesn't spend her money for all these changes, though she works and contributes to the family's expenses such as buying groceries, kid's educational matters etc..etc... but most of the time it is her H (the son in the house), who contributes for major expenses such as house renovations, furniture etc.

This way, I believe it is OK if you propose for such changes with a very good reason to convince both your wife and PILs. What matters here is whether they can afford for the changes/renovations, and whether such changes do make sense this time?
Regardless of PILs, I mean no one would appreciate a useless change which is costly. So, do the home work, plan together with your wife, analyze their financial capabilities and weigh pros and cons of doing the work.
If you can financially contribute towards the intended changes, please do so. If you could find a discount or better deal in the work, please arrange so.
This way, all the parties would be happy!!!