Child Care At Home With Covid And Office Work

Thank you so much for the words ...all that i needed right now.

@blindpup - Yes It was such an emotional drain on me, which many and my H does not understand. I want to leave it behind me and take it as bad phase of my life. It did affect on my career and my kids personality is what hurts me a lot. Also, did increase the distances between us.
Since i have seen worst, and all that we are safe now and my hobbies does calm me. I feel sad or frustated, sit in my room and get sad and come out of it.
What is important now, is how to take care of kids.
Other parents have schedule for kids. We can not do that, not single person, 2 kids, 1 infant and full time job.
What will suffer there - meals, house cleaning.

H has got better in his attitude but on/off, he keeps commenting about food or cleaning, and want to move back, he does not cook anything other than morning tea.
I let him crib, he is like his mom. He does not engage kids much outside. My older one is not sporty at all.

I see other families - freezing for week, and doing cupcakes in breakfast.Because they have been doing it for 4 months now... we are still new to the game.. ( were in india), So I still cook breakfast(lunch same time) and dinner and sometimes lunch too like today. Last week, I hurt myself 4 times in 2 days row with knife cutting veggies simply because over occupied brain.

Yesterday I was looking at him cleaning yard, and thinking, my H is not multi-tasker. He does only one thing, office work. Then yard cleaning with music on...dishes alone with music on, cooking on weekends with music/ipad on, no one should be near him.

Does not watch kids along if i ask him while yard cleaning. That probably keeps him sane.
I trying to be goddess here... cooking with kids and laptop on.
Worrying about kids late for dinner or shower.

Why should i kill myself? Then it gets late for dinner for kids, then i cook in rush and cook less, he starts complaining about food, because of his lack of support i can not focus well on food, handling infant in lap and stirring pots while he trying to touch hot pans and daughter screaming to clean her... while he enjoying his music cleaning yard and getting all the credits.

I want to do crafts but cannot give myself more than 5 mins in the room without kids chores calling me or they barging in. I need to respect myself so they can.
My mother told me what have to made of yourself. I do not take care of myself. Yes I do not. I am fully tired. Because my sister and sister in law does not let her lipstick come down.
Sorry for rants...

I feel like i have been hanging there for long time now. My older one wants to meet her friend. I feel bad for everyone....suffering, watching news make me sad, how situation has become.

 

Y

Yes, we still live in the vicinity. I will look up such programs.

I can not take days off since i took month off before pandemic started for india trip, then coming back. So now i have to wait till fall.

 

Thanks a lot.
Yes, I am doing bit of meal planning these days, but i feel indian meals are good and bad at the same time. Easy to freeze but always lot of steps... all the veggies, onion/tomato,..e.tc all spices..phew. It easily takes 1.5 hrs for 1 regular meal, then cooking for infant ( not mostly) but somethings i have to cook for him, and picky toddler.
No vacation at all.. even at vacation it was never vacation for me as mom.
I am going to look for nanny atleast.
i also worry, if this keeps going, companies would have to lay off and with my current state, i might be first hit... i am okay not working, but then kids college etc. Also me and my H are not getting along honestly so I do not want to be dependent on him..

 

She just finished KG and will start 1st grade soon. She does not sit, is the problem. I have to sit with her if i want her to do anything.