Forgiveness

Thank you for your comprehensive response. You articulated the need for forgiveness more elegantly than what I did in my original snippet. I meant both slights we do to others and that others do to us as well as major life-changing actions done by us to others and others to us. You are right about the lightness one enjoys especially after we no longer carry the burden of pain and suffering in our head when we use the heart to forgive ourselves or others. I completely agree that the boundaries may be revised as part of this exercise if not already set. It is not about accepting the words or actions as unharmful but recognizing them as harmful but deciding to let go of emotions associated with it that lingers for a long time and setting ourselves free. It is not even justifying harmful words and actions nor accepting more of it without pain in the future. While we take steps not to face a similar situation again through whatever steps we need to take and forgiving what had already happened.

In my view, forgiving people who are closer to us is difficult than the strangers as their words and actions matter the most to us. Forgiving is not shoving it down our throat forcibly but systematically realizing that something is bothering us for a long time and the only way to overcome that pain is to set ourselves free from those emotions.
In my view, segregating the issue and the person is important as otherwise seeing the person itself will trigger the emotions associated with a particular issue. Forgiveness is considered as part of the right living when we apply love to our thoughts, words and actions.

 

Thank you as always for your response. When I have a bad thought, the feeling of guilt takes over and in order to overcome the guilt, I forgive myself for that bad thought. When I do a bad action, feeling of guilt takes over and for a while I think if I could reset the clock, I would do it differently. As time is not in my control, I decide to forgive my action to get on with my life. The feeling of guilt is self-administered poison and forgiving myself works like an antidote.

Similarly, when someone else say harmful things or does harm to me, I am filled with anger, hatred or revengeful emotions. It is my own emotions and internal reactions that hurt me the most. It is like a poison given to me but I would have avoided drinking it by stopping my emotions and reactions by the act of forgiving. If the act of self-forgiveness is important for my own well-being and future so is act of forgiving others for my own well-being. My emotions and reactions hurt me the most than others especially, if it involves people who live with me. As you said, forgiving those who don’t live with me is easy but not important. On the other hand, forgiving those who are near and dear is hard but important as much as self-forgiveness.

 

@Rihana,

Thanks for indulging more into this forgiving topic through more posts. Many thanks for your words of appreciation and I am humbled by them. It is interesting you mentioned forgiving for self-preservation and well-being as a beautiful form of selfishness. It is for growth and development of the individual and that is the primary mission of life whatever label we assign to this exercise.

I am with you on not being on the path of right-living, and many times I feel my actions drift away from what I aspire for. But I believe aspiring for right-living somehow is a burning desire which lights up the path of right-living and bring some happiness along the way.

 

Hi Anusha @Anusha2917,

For an emotionally burnt mind, there is a natural cure Vs assisted cure. Assisted cure includes consulting a psychologist or in extreme cases, psychedelic microdosing to eliminate or erase the emotions that hurt the mind the most. Pschedelic microdosing is not acceptable to the society and most use the option of taking assistance from psychologist which is a long-drawn process. The best cure is natural treatment through regulating our mind. I have posted a video of a woman above who was carrying the pain of her mother and brother being killed by her brother's friend to steal something and how it impacted her entire life until she decided to forgive him totally and thereby reclaimed her life back. In a forgiving situation associated with major life-challenging events, we try to understand the situation in which our emotions gets triggered bringing back past memories aggressively and how we can let go these emotions to achieve peace in our lives. This may take a longer time and sometimes many years. In a normal forgiving situation which are not due to life-changing event, we are preventing those emotions not to become chronic in future.

In a forgiving act, one recalls an incident and all emotions and reactions that happen internally, whether it is verbal or physical and whether it resulted in hurt to the body, mind or intellect, understanding how such emotions and reactions are hurtful to self and finally letting go those emotions and reactions for one's own well-being. When we stop our thoughts at the first level of hurt, the repurcusions of such emotions and reactions are not understood. It is a complete introspection of hurtful feeling and all associatied effects in our system. It is not about forgetting the incident and not even communicating that to the offender. It is about setting a path for us to grow and develop without the burden of those emotions and reactions inside especially when outwardly reaction is difficult to do. It is an internal conversation to let go our hurtful emotions and reactions so that we set ourselves free. It is with an intent to increase our quality of life. However, lessons learned from that is never forgotten. We are not excusing the person for his/her hurtful act but releasing our emotions and reactions associated with such hurtful act. Once we understand those emotions and reactions hurt us more than the one who committed that hurtful act, we understand the significance of forgiving. Anger, hatred and revengfulness affect our quality of life more than anyone outside as it breaks away from our inherent tendency to remain peaceful and happy. No one likes to remain in that state as it creates negativity for ourselves and to others around us who we love dearly. I am not saying forgiving is easy to do but it is important to do for growth, development and peace.