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Hidden Spy Camera ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Jun 21, 2020.

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  1. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    It's not safe to continue if there is physical attack. We only know your version. Look like a very toxic marriage. You have lot of anger and hatred towards him.

    Do you want to continue in this marriage?

    Divorce laws in each state are different. If you google you get clear idea or consult a lawyer. Generally every thing will be devided 50-50. In some states even 401k too.
    Do you drive. You can get another phone if you want or ask him to give it back. In case of some emergency you wont be able to call 911. If anything happens get out of your house and seek help.

    Tapping your husband's phone is least important compared with your safety. If he find it out , the situation can elevate to dangerous levels.

    Is there any chance to consult a therapist or counselor. Your medical insurance cover it. I think you need it to get some clarity. You are in a very confused state.
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2020
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  2. harithab

    harithab Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    U did not answer some of the doubts I asked previously.
    """" I dont get what is the real issue ???? :buenrollo: - Is it the night sleep time of kids the main problem or is it that U r not earning money or something else ??
    Have u noticed anything Much different or any issues by which ur hubby suddenly started acting odd ??? :confundio1:
    Is he behaving the same way since marriage or just started recently ?""""""

    I still not understand whats is the main issue here and y it all started -- the physical attack and all just because of a TV Issue ?????? Arguments based on the TV issue led to more arguments !!!
    And it all reached to a point where U need to tap his calls made to his dad ??? :worried:
    I still think its never a good idea to tap his calls....

    Also its a better idea to let ur parents or siblings, if any, to know about this matter...This is something serious .... U r staying far from them na...
    Get a mobile for urself first ....
    Tell ur DH that if he physically attacks u again, U r gonna call the POLICE, thats it..:imp:
    Rules are more strict in US..he needs to be beware.

    All this said based on ur post only....we know only ur version . :neutral:
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2020
  3. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    ok there is no much feedback can given.

    i am so sorry for what is going on with you.

    what i would say , you researching on this is not going to lead to anything.

    it would be better to consider seperation.
     
  4. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    thank u. This is the type of feedback im looking for. Cause I dont know the repurcursions and hoping you could give me advice on what to get. By spying on his calls I only intend to find out the issue so hope fully I can try to solve it. I have kids you know. I can easily call 911 as I still had bruises. But hes a jovial guy. So im confused. When hes soo violent about just tv!! Saying im not doing my duties.
     
  5. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    OP
    Do not get disheartened. People here mean well, but sometimes type fast :)

    People do not change. Your husband will not change. In this day and age- how can he take your phone away? And top it- drive a tesla?
    Nowadays teenagers have phone. Your situation is not good. As in my post earlier, your top most priority IMHO should be safety and surviving.
    IT is very hard to get two children ready and get out of house for walk. And if you are in 2 bedroom apt - day and night continuouly for few months- it is very very hard. Sometimes, as immigrants- the only support (a person to talk to) is our spouse. If that spouse doesn't behave- the life gets very very tough. You are facing this.
    You were asking about his talk to his dad- he could be talking anything from new movie to strategies to divorce you. But if you felt uncomfortable about his talk- that is key- he should be making you uncomfortable with his talks. Always, trust your gut feeling.

    But problem dear, what will you do with knowing what he is upto? You can fight, and then what?
    Start the fight when you have an exit strategy in place. Before that buy time.

    Do you have any female relative- you can talk to? mother, cousin or aunt? Someone you can confide in? ANyone on parent's side?

    Do not discuss this problem with your friends in US/ neighbors. No one cares. What you have to do- only you have to do here in US. But the sytem will support you 200%. When you are ready confront him. But now, is not the time with very young kids, all covid everywhere- no schools, day cares.
     
  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    "Do you drive. You can get another phone if you want or ask him to give it back."

    If you can drive or get out you can go to any phone shop and can get a prepaid phone very easily for 50$ ( get it even in Walmart super stores too) . Yes, if he dont give your phone back, dont do anything for him. Go on complete silent mode. Also try to find your phone from its hiding place.

    Based on your posts, seperation is the best option for you. Both of you and your kids deserve better. I read your other post also, look like you can't change your husband or he can change you. No one is ready to adjust. There is ego problems too. May be he done with this marriage. Look like he is preparing an exit. Only he knows, but be careful. So much secrecy from his side. Spying on him can lead to more problems. Its illegal. If you have doubts consult an attorney and find what's legal in your state. As its covid time, focus on your life and kids. Going after him will not help you in anyway. He will do what he wants to do. You cannot control it.

    Going for counseling is not a bad idea. I suggested it not because I think you are wrong. But you get a very good idea and answer to all questions you asked here and help you identify your priorities. Also it will give you strength to face unknown situations. You cant discuss it with family or friends. So it's better to talk to a professional. I believe your husband also need counseling. It's not the way to treat a wife. Now I strongly believe you lost track. My intention here was to help you. You may agree or disagree. But its based on what you have written here. Only you and husband know the truth.

    Secure your finances and explore options in case something happens. I repeat again your safety is important than anything else. No to abuse.

    Marriage is work. If both of you are ready you can make it good. For that one need to appreciate positives and correct negatives. If both of you believe problem is with the other person, its not going to work. Need to introspect. But if both is you are negative and not ready to adjust with the situation and dont respect each other it will not lead to anything fruitful. An open minded approach is needed. Fierceness dont help any relationship.

    Feeling really sorry for your situation. Look like you are looking for affirmation and not honest opinion. I read my reply, I dont know what I wrote wrong. Your reply confirm that you are confused and need help. You dont know your priorities are. You picked one word and you blamed this forum. It's not a good approach. Sorry op. We are not attorneys/cousellors/experts. Have some respect to others. Every one was trying to share their views and trying to help you by spending time for you. It may agree or disagree with your perception. It may help you or not. But it will give some idea I believe.

    Take care. I stop here. May almighty help you to find the right direction.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 30, 2020
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  7. harithab

    harithab Silver IL'ite

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    Totally agree with U @DDream ... :thumbsup:
     
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  8. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with @DDream too. every IL shares what they learnt from their life experiences.

    goto avvo.com

    that is legal site, and post your Q further if you need legal advise.

    this is another userful site.
    Contact | The National Domestic Violence Hotline
     
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  9. swiss

    swiss Gold IL'ite

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    I think only a person in abusive relationship or seen something like that might understand that often in troubled abusive relationship there is no need for a particular reason for the angry spouse to be triggered. Obviously she is in a troubled state, and Such kind of pointed questions are not going to help the OP.

    OP, you married life is not going good, accept it. analysis of your husbands conversation with ur FIL is not going to help you even a little bit. On the other hand, further discussion about the incident may cause more fights and increased risk for you.

    Staying in closed quarters for such a long duration, can cause us to feel irritated and aggravated. You can try to stay calm, focus on fun with kids and some thing fun for yourself.

    When you are in a better mental state, try to focus on job search , act nice in front Of your hubby, get ur phone back and focus on ur goal.

    Picking silly fights is not going to get u anywhere. Focus on getting a job , then plan to move out. Until then lie low with out provoking/getting provoked. Hope you find a job soon. Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2020
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  10. Ragavisang

    Ragavisang Gold IL'ite

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    Golden rule for any marriage..You nailed it DDream. Hats off. Couple of my friends have the same issues. It's very scary to hear all the nonsense they throw at each others. Lacking gratitude attitude and more greediness
    are also the cause for these kinds of turmoils. Praying for every one's peace.
     
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