Hell Me

So so sorry to hear about ur loss. I feel your pain and sorrow from loss of ur dear mother. Please stay strong. It’s not ur mistake.. I don’t know how to console u at this situation but. Try to get busy and this is really very unfortunate and helpless situation and bad timing due to Covid situation that u were unable to visit ur mom. It’s none of ur fault. Don’t blames urself.. everyone is stuck with some or other situation with the pandemic going on. It’s bad luck... hang on. Stay strong and keep as much busy to keep ur mind occupied.

 

I am so sorry for your loss, Jas.

 

So sorry for your loss! God give you strength Jas.
May your mother soul rest in peace!

 

Jas,
It is normal to behave this way after a loss. You have to grieve and forgive yourself in order to get to the other side. And loss of a loved one is not that easy to get over with. So give yourself time. Grieve as you needed. But if you think you need help please reach out to people, talk to friends or family or even a doctor if needed. When kids are small they do not understand why you behave the you do. So if you need help taking care of them ask help from your husband. Take time to pull yourself together. No matter what life must go on, your mothers death was not in your control. Having you not by her side at that time will drive you guilty but it will not make your love for her any less. So do not forget the good memories you have with her while you grieve and do not be so hard on yourself. These things happen, please learn to forgive yourself. Your kids need you when this is over and your mother would want you to be a good mother to your kids. You will get through this!

 

Jas, I lost my mother 3 years ago. She was supposed to come to the USA with me , but last minute, we changed her travel plans because of some issues. Two days later, she passed away (not a natural death,have posted about it before).

The guilt has always been within me - I completely understand your anger towards god , I felt that way for almost a year after she passed away . Sometimes still do, and I ask the same questions you do - why god why?Why my mom? Why me? We were all so devote and she was the most religious and spiritual person around. Still why this cruelty?

I know better than anyone that whatever someone says, it wont matter. It is easy to say that there is no use thinking of the IFs and BUTs , but you will feel this way for some time. Let yourself feel the anger, let yourself cry and let yourself mourn and grieve.

Your husband may not understand it , so there is no use in shouting at him and the kids, but slowly you will find your rhythm. The mistake I made was to bottle up all my emotions and not allow myself to grieve. Try not to do that. If you need a break from day to day activities and stay in bed, do it. Tell your husband you need that time. Meanwhile, do you have siblings to talk to?

I would also strongly suggest to see a grief counselor/therapist - I did not do it and I greatly regret it. There are groups like "Grief share" , that are just a bunch of people who share their experiences with grief. You may feel good if you talk to a bunch of strangers . Try to google and see if there is something like that locally.
PM me if you need someone to talk to. I completely understand how it feels and NO ONE should have to go through it alone. It doesn't get better, it doesn't get less painful, but you get stronger. Believe me.

 

So sorry for your loss. May her soul rest in peace.

 

So so sorry for your loss. Feeling very bad after reading your post. Om Shanthi. May God give you the courage and strength in these testing times.