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Marriage Proposal-- Very Money Minded

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ArunaJan, Mar 19, 2020.

  1. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    He is marrying you for your stability in US. His primary goal seems to be about having a good lifestyle in US not having a good relationship with spouse.
    There are 2 kind of people. Taker and Giver Sometimes, we all fall into this categories, based on situation we are in. It looks like he is focused on making you a giver for his stability.

    Ask yourself- is that what you want to do? Do you want to give him stability? Do you want to be his facilitator? What are you getting in this relationship? Is this how you want your relationship to be? Why do your parents want you to marry him? Have you talked to them? What positives they see in him?

    My 2 cents- understand his personality, ask the right questions to know his intentions. Whatever you decide, dont rush to marrying coz your parents want you to.
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2020
  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Run, don’t walk.
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  3. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Run away.

    It's not a good idea to marry someone without any good vibes. He is such a demanding person.

    He likes an independent women who can help him establish and help to elevate his life style.. I think he is very self centered . Just my view from your post. Only you can access it. Actually he will get a lottery if he marry you as you have GC. Other wise he has to wait for many years to get one.

    You can ask some questions, if you want. For example ideally, if total income of your household is 100% and if he earns 70% he has to contribute 70% of his salary to the expense and vice versa. If you don't earn you can't contribute. No court can question this.

    Will he do 50% of the household jobs. Will he do his own stuff. Will he take care future kids and spend sleepless nights. After marriage will he allow you to visit your family, gift or contribute money to them. Is it ok to have your own bank account where he dont have access. Will he allow access to joint account if that's the idea. What is his idea on taking care his and your parents etc... in USA both of you need cars. If he wants he can buy. Demanding a car is like asking for dowry. Also he take marriage so lightly if he can't go to India for marriage will he allow you to visit India in future.. I think he want everything so easy, he dont want to put an effort. That's why he is considering you.

    Anyway, if you are uncomfortable with his ideas it is better not to proceed. I think you are confused. Hope you get clarity soon. Take your own time. Good luck
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2020
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    He is marrying you to just get his green card. In every angle he looks money minded so better to avoid this guy.
    Be happy that he openly said all this before marriage. Consider yourself lucky and run away!
     
    rachaputi, sindmani and Agathinai like this.
  5. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    So many red flags! Girl, you are lucky that he is showing you his true colours. Dump him NOW.
     
    Agathinai likes this.
  6. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    you should be looking for a person who matches your life goals, hobbies and principles. Period. because after the intial attraction fades, that is what will hold you together .

    he is looking for what he wants. nothing wrong in that. in fact i appreciate his open expressions. So many ILS complain that they did love marriage and now find their partners opposite.

    there is no point in being judgmental.

    but what matters is , his views are not compatible with yours, you should say NO.

    infact this is a good opportunity to learn from this experience, that to encourage partners who are equally open like him but they match what you are looking from a husband.
     
  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:I.e.holistic response crisp short & sweet. Impressive.
    Thanks and Regards.
    God Bless.
     
    Rihana likes this.
  8. rachaputi

    rachaputi Platinum IL'ite

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    Annoying!!

    Is he making a job deal?? All the qualities he have where women can't stand now a days..
     
  9. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    @ArunaJan

    1) He says we will purchase a house . You contribute $2000.00 and I will contribute $2000.00 towards the house. I told him I am not a person who would work always . I will work when I feel to . He was not very happy with the answer. I told him if I do not work at times, then how will I contribute? He says from your savings till now.Sometimes I feel he may ask me even to share the grocery bill/utility bill or share in the overall house expenditure.

    The laws of the land is that when you divorce him later, you either get half or the entire home based on the conditions. He is only ensuring that he isn't losing unfairly if he contributes 100% now.

    2) He says you cook on MOndays and Tuesdays. He will cook on Wednesday and Thursdays .

    Happens in PG all the time.

    3) He tells me to gift a car to him . I asked him why should I gift a car to him? He says if a husband purchases a car, then wife rides the car so why shouldn't a wife purchase a car and gift to husband. Not sure if he is telling in a funny way or is serious.

    Same as 1, but this is depreciating asset.

    4) He says we will marry in USA as he does not want to go to India and go thru all the stamping issues and tells me people get married here in USA and very grandly and richly. I think he is indirectly telling me that he wants a grand marriage.

    Clueless about it: i assumed it is Indian marriages that are grand and expensive.


    5) When he talks to me , he tells me I am talking on unnecessary topics, that I am boring and sometimes tells me I am dumb. I am really not sure if he tells this casually or in a funny way or trying to pull my legs.

    IMHO this guy seems too practical. In other words, you are walking into a marriage directly bypassing all the courting and honeymoon phase and directly into where the couples settle as room mates.

    Now it is up to you to decide whether you are okay with that or you want a guy to impress you and such other dramas to happen for a while.
     
  10. Vanani

    Vanani Senior IL'ite

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    Move on. It has already started on many wrong notes and a suspicious feeling. Not worth pursuing. Even if you get married, you will live many more years with the "I knew it" "i had this gut feel" " I should have listened to it" etc.
     

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