What Would You Do?

blindpup10 · Mar 16, 2020

This post is more like a vent, otherwise, I am afraid I will stay angry forever!

I have shared my recent predicament regarding my MIL's behavior.
Mil's Words Affecting My Dh And My Relationship

I understand that my husband shouldn't be held responsible for her behavior. I haven't pursued that topic with him yet. Waiting for the right moment.

But now with COVID-19 and everyone at home. I have another issue with my MIL.

Now when things are dire, she wants to play nice with me, she is texting me non stop ONLY about my child. NOTHING ABOUT ME. She Talks to her son
She knows my husband gets upset if she bothers him during work time, but I am all game for her.
Unnecessary updates, and asking me to be the facilitator for FACETIME.

Every time I see her text, I just get soo angry, it genuinely bothers me and I indirectly show it on my husband and I just don't talk to him. ( But he can sense that I am angry and keeps asking me why).
The first time she asked me if she can call. I just ignored her text and went about my evening. But I am was very very upset, seething.

I feel that I cant continue to ignore her texts but at the same time, I don't need to interact with her either.
I did tell my husband to "call his mother, as she was texting me"! Not sure what he did.

I am not planning to ever talk to her or see her.
There is an untold rule with my husband and me- I take care of my family and he takes care of his. How do I go about implementing this rule strong and hard? I don't want ever to be involved with my IL's coz of their attitude towards me.

I don't know the future consequences ( if I tell my mom- she being a typical Indian brainwashed women, will tell me to forgive my MIL, endure this nonsense behavior, as this is our culture. And how I can show my strength by forgiving her nonsense. ) I am not ready to forgive, forget my MIL's behavior.

Please advise me on what the future consequences, responsibilities are and what might I expect from IL's or not to expect.
Please consider my husband is their only son.

Everyone in his family is already playing "take care of your mother" card already. My FIL is very much well. I dont know why this card is being played already. (Maybe to instill some kind of value? not sure what is going on).

If she decides to come to stay with us, I am walking out of the marriage for sure. This may sound mean- I don't need to live like a slave for even a day in my life.

winterhue · Mar 16, 2020

When she texts you, add your husband to the group.
If on whatsapp, create a whatsapp group that has you, her and husband only. so next time she texts you anything about facilitating face time, forward it to the group and say "Honey, can you call your mom?" (dont forget to add the heart emoji).
Same with updates about the kid, reply on the "group" and say - kid is doing great. send pics in that group of you three only.
Once she realizes that whatever she says is going through her son, she will stop. Hopefully . Bonus , You score brownie points with husband too.

Thyagarajan · Mar 16, 2020

winterhue said: ↑

When she texts you, add your husband to the group.
If on whatsapp, create a whatsapp group that has you, her and husband only. so next time she texts you anything about facilitating face time, forward it to the group and say "Honey, can you call your mom?" (dont forget to add the heart emoji).
Same with updates about the kid, reply on the "group" and say - kid is doing great. send pics in that group of you three only.
Once she realizes that whatever she says is going through her son, she will stop. Hopefully . Bonus , You score brownie points with husband too.
Click to expand...

A great idea for good measure!
Regards.

senorita2019 · Mar 16, 2020

Cant you just not respond during business hours saying you are busy and after business hours show her missed calls/texts and ask your DH to call her.

You can always say you are studying or cleaning or cooking etc. Not sure if you are working or homemaker. If someone constantly pings me and I just say point blank that I am busy. They have to take the hint one day or the other. Only because you encourage this behavior its continuing.

NOW · Mar 17, 2020

Make sure you do not entertain any video calls during weekdays stating that you are busy or the schedule does not permit. It actually creates a nice feeling of anticipation to see the grand kids the coming weekend and all the parties involved will enjoy the time well spent.

NOW · Mar 17, 2020

Also with COVID situation if you want to relax the rule a bit, add one facetime mid week depending on your family's schedule and workload. We are making a quick 10 mins call to parents and in-laws once in 2 days sharing the updates on both sides and at the same time telling them we can't show kids now/today due to work demands. They understand and also feel reassured that we are all doing fine.

Jagjag · Mar 17, 2020

winterhue said: ↑

When she texts you, add your husband to the group.
If on whatsapp, create a whatsapp group that has you, her and husband only. so next time she texts you anything about facilitating face time, forward it to the group and say "Honey, can you call your mom?" (dont forget to add the heart emoji).
Same with updates about the kid, reply on the "group" and say - kid is doing great. send pics in that group of you three only.
Once she realizes that whatever she says is going through her son, she will stop. Hopefully . Bonus , You score brownie points with husband too.
Click to expand...

Truly agree with you, Yeah tactics only can help to lead a peaceful life.

Jagjag · Mar 17, 2020

blindpup10 said: ↑

This post is more like a vent, otherwise, I am afraid I will stay angry forever!

I have shared my recent predicament regarding my MIL's behavior.
Mil's Words Affecting My Dh And My Relationship

I understand that my husband shouldn't be held responsible for her behavior. I haven't pursued that topic with him yet. Waiting for the right moment.

But now with COVID-19 and everyone at home. I have another issue with my MIL.

Now when things are dire, she wants to play nice with me, she is texting me non stop ONLY about my child. NOTHING ABOUT ME. She Talks to her son
She knows my husband gets upset if she bothers him during work time, but I am all game for her.
Unnecessary updates, and asking me to be the facilitator for FACETIME.

Every time I see her text, I just get soo angry, it genuinely bothers me and I indirectly show it on my husband and I just don't talk to him. ( But he can sense that I am angry and keeps asking me why).
The first time she asked me if she can call. I just ignored her text and went about my evening. But I am was very very upset, seething.

I feel that I cant continue to ignore her texts but at the same time, I don't need to interact with her either.
I did tell my husband to "call his mother, as she was texting me"! Not sure what he did.

I am not planning to ever talk to her or see her.
There is an untold rule with my husband and me- I take care of my family and he takes care of his. How do I go about implementing this rule strong and hard? I don't want ever to be involved with my IL's coz of their attitude towards me.

I don't know the future consequences ( if I tell my mom- she being a typical Indian brainwashed women, will tell me to forgive my MIL, endure this nonsense behavior, as this is our culture. And how I can show my strength by forgiving her nonsense. ) I am not ready to forgive, forget my MIL's behavior.

Please advise me on what the future consequences, responsibilities are and what might I expect from IL's or not to expect.
Please consider my husband is their only son.

Everyone in his family is already playing "take care of your mother" card already. My FIL is very much well. I dont know why this card is being played already. (Maybe to instill some kind of value? not sure what is going on).

If she decides to come to stay with us, I am walking out of the marriage for sure. This may sound mean- I don't need to live like a slave for even a day in my life.
Click to expand...

This happens in every home. When she can't reach her son or he's busy with work, she text me only to know the whereabouts of her son. That time she'll be sweet and nice.
After that no communication, no grandson, no DIL.