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Help Me With Ideas To Come Out Of This Situation!!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by deeprapriya, Mar 12, 2020.

  1. deeprapriya

    deeprapriya Gold IL'ite

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    I am a mom of 2..I was working in IT with 11 years of experience till my son was born.Now he is 2.5 years old.

    Now, I feel I am not treated properly at home. I don't get proper help at home from my husband. Being at home for the whole day, I expect him to spend some time for me, which is not happening even after telling him I am stressed and fruatrated of being alone and handling kids.He comes home ,plays with kids and watches tv.No time for me.I stopped asking now a days.

    I expect very minimal help, since I am busy with the toddler. But he doesn't do it.

    Then, there came a discussion between us about my job again. There was a notification for a government job, for which my husband wanted me to study.Initially I was ok, but now I am not finding time to study with my active toddler. He is asking updates about my studies frequently, when I say him, I don't find time, he is not satisfied.Advices me to do hardwork. I said it is not possible unless I get support at home. Now I don't get time at all as my son is sick.

    I got frustrated, and understood, I need to stand up for myself. I understood I need a hold in life, for which I have to earn. He respects me or not, I wanted to earn for my self, for my self respect...I wanted to be independent again.

    Then I stopped studying for the government exam as I have limited time and am sure I can't get it.

    I started to call my ex managers to check if I can rejoin in IT, but I wanted to work from home.I have no one to take care of my kids and am not ok to send them to day care. But I didn't get a job, even after multiple attempt.

    My husband now asking me to rejoin IT as a full time employee.He has his own plans of bringing his mom to take care of kids.But Living with MIL and leaving kids with her is a night mare.

    I got irritated seeing my husband's desire of my income without understanding my values and situation.

    I am now seeking your thoughts to find ways of earning from home.
    Please help me.
     
    EightKittens likes this.
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  2. Hosanna

    Hosanna Bronze IL'ite

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    Op, if you wish to get back to work and be financially independent then this is the right time as your son is not too young he will get used to the day care or will adjust with your MIL. I see you have 11 yrs of IT exp with just 3 yrs of break so you may find job easily. Instead of contacting your ex managers upload your resume and start job search. These days lots of companies offer the flexibility of work from home. My advice would be to get help from your MIL for 1 year until you get stable at work and decide rest of the things later. When it comes to work from home its not easy to find a genuine well paid job. You have to work long hours but pay is just 1/4th of your regular IT salary.
     
  3. senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

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    You are closing all doors on yourself.
    Why daycare is ruled out? Its good for kids to play with other kids.

    why are you not posting resume online and searching a regular job? With your career break its little tough to get a job but not undoable.

    Looks like your DH is withholding love and care till you get your job. Forget him and focus on getting a job for yourself
     
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  4. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Op try to bend somewhere.
    Ladies who go on and bring moola and do well in career are the ones who sacrifice many things at many places .
    1) go with day care option otherwise
    2) make peace with MIL and Take her help.

    With initial hiccups you can get through this.

    Earning from home also is not an alternative or shortcut to anything. Requires lot of passion and takes time to get stable income in that. There's no shortcut.
     
    sindmani, deeprapriya, MissH and 4 others like this.
  5. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    Are you in US? or India?
    You can get someone to look after your kid, in India. And also get MIL. Don't rule her out. For next 2-3 years, make peace with your own annoyance over MIL's ways.
    Even in US, send your lilone to daycare- Montessori kinds and get MIL's help aswell

    Leave your concern about husband's love on the back burner for now. You can't work on all fronts, at once.

    If you want to be SAHM mother, then decide on that- for say next 5 years. And tell your husband, that you can't study or get back to IT as you to take care of your travel goals/ get fit goals/ pamper my husband goals/ pamper my kids goals etc. Tell him that in this day and age. life is not about working only. You want to take amazing picture and share on FB.
     
  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    If you are in India hire a nanny to look after your child. Then you will get time to study and prepare for jobs. If you are abroad look for a part-time preschool or an in-home daycare.
    If your relationship with your MIL is okay then consider taking her help.
     
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  7. MissH

    MissH Bronze IL'ite

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    OP, You cannot have the cake and eat it too. Either join the kids in daycare (start with part-time for a couple of weeks and then convert to full-time). I know how difficult it is because I have been through this recently but trust me you and kids will get used and also will be very happy with the quality time you will spend after coming home in the evening. Or let your MIL help.
    You might be able to get to wfh for a couple of days a week once you get the job and get used to everything there. It is still (even with advancing technology) not easy to directly get a job that allows 100% remote unless you are really super lucky. And I think after a break, you must be flexible with your options for you to get back to the workforce.
    Last option, continue to be SAHM and work on changing your DH’s attitude which may be difficult but not impossible I hope.
     
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  8. deeprapriya

    deeprapriya Gold IL'ite

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    Thank s all,My MIL is a monster who made my life hell when I was working.

    I can't bring her back, it is not about adjusting but it will make my stress level up.I left my job to send that lady back.

    I will check other options
     
  9. Hosanna

    Hosanna Bronze IL'ite

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    It is quite understandable. You can try wfh jobs i will list few here which i have experienced.. Lionbridge, Appen, Utest, Usertesting, Mturk etc.. All these pay well and its like full time work. Good luck !
     
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  10. NOW

    NOW Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with others here. From my experience I can tell that especially after kids turn 2 years they benefit immensely from the structure at daycare. If for some reason you do not want to opt for a full time daycare right away, take all the support you can from your family or part-time nanny to figure what works best for you in terms of going back to work. It will be a trial and error initially and hopefully by the time your kid starts kindergarten you will have it sorted.
     
    Hosanna likes this.

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