Help! Am Lost!

Thank you for your valuable comments, it was much needed. I have stopped going out, winter kills my spirit to add on. You are right, I need to pull myself back up & get out of this self pity mode. I try each day, everyday. Hardest part is forgetting things ppl put me thru, how they laughed at our condition, bitched about what we did and did not do, how imperfect our choices were and how I was the one responsible for how they mistreated me. I haven’t really moved on, though I no longer talk to anyone, they are still there in my head lingering. PPD has been something and I don’t have the courage to look into a stranger’s eyes and pour my heart out. I just can’t do that. But I am taking small steps to make things better and take care of myself.

 

You are probably right. Now when I recall certain aspects of the relationship I can see how there was so much to that envy she had for me. I thought she was proud of me, of my success and accomplishments. She always said I was her only best friend. And yes, instantly the spoilt light was hers. Me & my husband became a gossip item and everyone enjoyed it. It wasn’t very different with my family. I was mom’s favorite and it always bothered my siblings especially my brother. I never thought they would just play along and not question the reasoning behind her behavior. If I were in their place I surely would have questioned her(on many occasions I did that in the past). It was more like they were glad I was in this place.

 

A big hug and thanks a ton! Thanks for reminding me I am not alone, thanks for reminding me why I made this decision in the first place. Before becoming a Mom, I easily judged other moms who complained of not having time for themselves and for others. Today I have so much more empathy for all moms, new and experienced ones. The way I look at fellow moms and women in general has changed so much.

Personally have always had this habit of listening to this loud voice in my head. It has helped me make decisions and pushed me harder for good. Tough times it would say “You are Tougher than this”, “You are good” “You can DO it”. This driving force has guided me all along.

But last few years I have stopped listening to this voice. I dwell into my own misery reliving all those bitter full moments from the past in my head that I have almost silenced this voice inside me.

Family and friendships change over time and it’s tome I find & build my community of support. I surely need it. Thank you for all your input dear.

 

I am pushing myself to seek help. You are right my little angel deserves a happy mom and every part of me that I am capable of being. Thank you!

 

Dad thinks she will be ok but I’ll still try and call her before I go. Thanks for that & I am hoping she has a place in her heart for my little one.

 

Thank you for your kind words Anika!