An Ex Creating Problems In Married Life

Getting touch with ex and disclosing your feelings is the most immature thing than all other things

 

Ok all of them are immature and u were mature to talk about the memories u had with him.. after 14 years what were u thinking..
u r blaming your husband for getting mad.. if he had done it would u be quite or say it’s ok .. so him not to react did u tell him about your past with that friend?...
But yes I do agree done is done but he needs to forget n forgive..
U can show your message that nothing happened it was just chats about the past ..

 

OP, You may not like what I am going to write.

You did a mistake, Period. Not others. So stop blaming others.

You know what you talked to EX , its level, content . If your dh talk to his EX the same way, will you be OK?

For his wife- Her husband started an emotional affair with EX (you). She didnt felt it like friendly chat. There is genuinely a reason why she felt so irritated. It may be her last option to stop both of you from continuing this. She might have felt like you are helping her husband to cheat on her. YES, all these kind of chats (obviously it was not just friendly from your own post, it was more than that.) can be felt like a breach of trust. Congrats to her for taking her life in to her hand. It not easy for any woman to contact someone else husband on similar issues involving her own husband. Look like it was her last resort.

Your dh - He might have felt that,if that lady contacted him, there is genuinely some thing there. Anyone in his place will think that way. He might be thinking that you are still in love with EX while living with him . He might have felt that you have cheated on him. So if he loose trust, You cannot blame him. He read all those messages shared by your EX's wife. He is not a kid. He can distinguish well between normal talk or something else . No need to wonder why he is so mad.

your EX- he got contact and started chatting with ex (you) . But it extended to whatup. Very immature of him that he started rewinding his past romance with you.

You - You were lost in an old paradise. You forgot to define the boundary.Very immature behavior. The fact that it extended from social media to whatsup shows, both of you were continuing this chat for a noticeable period of time. Even if you were refreshing your old memories, it was like being unfair to your husband. Still you are not able to accept the mistake you did. You need to . You have crossed the boundary of marriage according to your dh and EX's wife ( both felt the same after reading those chat history). You have created a deep wound in your dh's mind. It takes time to heal. It is not easy to digest or forgive.

"Now I realise that this friend of mine is pretty miserable... He is also telling all sorts of things to drive my husband against me...." - His worries are none of you headache now. Completely stop contact with him and stay out of their lives. Block both of them in all medias.

What can you do ? - Once trust is gone , its gone for ever. Your life will never be the same. But ask what was missing in you current life and try to make it better.

Apologize to your dh and be transparent (mobile, accounts etc..). Your husband need to know a full account of what has happened, an explanation,remorse and a sincere apology. Give him assurance that you will never be in tough your ex and request him to stop talking to your ex. If you have not done, he will feel that you are not realizing your mistake and will continue to bring this topic again. Treat him well and be patient. Express your love. That's all you can do. Time is the biggest healer.

 

Getting in touch with ex and sharing memories over a time is called having a fling.
You stopped because you got caught and exposed....not because you realised your mistake.

Your husband and the wife of the ex have reasons to be hurt and pissed.

 

Golden words. The way each individual will react when trust is broken in marriage is different. So it is not wise to blame other people involved. Better to seek counseling since that would help him to overcome his fears about future. Even if ex and his wife are worst people in this world wrt to your husband your mistake will become first. Another suggestion is to move out from existing location. Change of house or place might bring a change. Sometimes when there is no problem mind will dwell into old problems.

 

Whether it was your intention or not, you guys did have an online fling which for the spouses felt like cheating. There is no denying that. But we don't have a time machine to fix it now do we? From your post it is clear that you love your husband and don't really care for this ex. I hope that's the case and there are no jaage hue armaan.
So tell your husband, you acknowledge what happened and are genuinely sorry for it. Even of it looks like rekindling from the chats, you didn't feel that way. For you it was just like watching an old movie starring yourself. But in any case, what is going on is no good for your marriage. So what does he want to do now? Use this as a weapon to make you suffer rest of the life? Does he want to blackmail you with this? If that's the case, you can't deal with it. Ask him what will it take for him to forgive you and move on.? If that's going to happen? You blocked them, stopped contact, tried to explain? What else does he need.
Just remember all this conversation has to be in a talk tone not argument.
And be ready for extreme answers. Think clearly what are you going to do if he says he can't forgive you and won't stop bringing it up. If you are not ready for worst case scenario, suffer in silence