Compliment Is A Tonic

HariLakhera · Aug 23, 2019

Very true. Compliments in any form-words or gifts motivates us. We all look forward to it throughout our life. It should not be mistaken for attachment to compliments.

iyerviji · Aug 25, 2019

jayasala42 said: ↑

Dear Viji,

I liked your innocence in expressing happiness over receiving compliment.A nice essay by Viji as ever.
There is no one in the world who does not like compliments.We just love being told that we are the best in some field or the other.

I am reminded of Bhoja Champu.King Bhoja wanted Kalidasa to compose elegy in praise of him.Normally elegy is composed only after one's death. Bhoja had a curse that if he happened to listen to the elegy he would die immediately.Knowing about this curse ,Kalidasa refused to compose elegy.The king banished him.After 5 or 6 years Kalidasa came back as a mendicant. King was in disguise.He could recognize kalidasa.The king told that Bhoja had died a few days ago. Kalidasa, without knowing that it was the king, believed his words.Tears rolled from his eyes as he heard of Bhoja's death and immediately an elegy was composed by him. But due to the effect of the curse the king died immediately. With Kali Matha's grace, the king was spared 90 minutes to live.It is during this period without wasting a minute Bhoja and kalidasa jointly composed a kavya ,a Champu, a classic , a ramayana in Champu style combined in prose and poetry.That is popularly known as Bhoja Champu-caused by 'compliment'.

For elaboration you may read
Funeral Fun and a wonderful Kavya, a snippet written on 1st June 2015

History is full of stories about kings who hired professionals whose only job was to compose pieces filled with praises of their kings.

There is a marked difference between flattery and compliment, the former is not genuine and has a personal interest vested in it while the later is a genuine expression of admiration.
All may not be carried away by compliments.People with low esteem or even scholars may mistake the compliments as mockery and there is every possibility of spoiling the relationship and cause distrust.
Compliments can make one feel uncomfortable , if the words one hears don't line up with the way he/she sees him/herself.
Sometimes compliments, instead of being an encouragement may put one under lot of pressure.
If compliments are given at frequent intervals, it may amount to flattery and it may give irritation.
What psychologists feel is though compliment may be encouraging, it should be sparingly used to make it effective.
jayasala42
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Thanks Jayakka for the lovely response and about King Bhoja. I second Joylokhi.

iyerviji · Aug 25, 2019

Viswamitra said: ↑

Dear Vijiakka,

I was like you when I was young. Being the second child, I was bench-marked against the first. I ended up staying in a place where the environment was very hostile to my family and myself. Somehow, I began to question my strengths and began to feel inferior. Even a small words of appreciation from someone is like a lottery won by me. I ended up doing things that would make everyone notice me. I used to always try to demonstrate my verbal strength seeking appreciation from everyone.

It drained me completely at some point and I realized that it is because of the inferior feeling I carry in my heart. That is when a book I read opened my eyes and I started realizing that what I do should make me feel good and not others. I realize we do need appreciation from time to time but our whole life should not depend on that. One should feel confident about oneself. I realized humility when someone appreciates me is essential to reduce the dominance of my mind.

I agree with Smt. Jayasala that we need to differentiate between appreciation and flattery. Some in this world use flattery as a technique to get a favorable treatment despite their weaknesses. We need to guard ourselves from such people.

I am sure you do a lot of things in your life that deserve complements and that is why you are getting used to such compliments. You are selfless in helping others and hence your humility in receiving compliments would help you remain selfless.
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Thanks for sharing your experience and lovely message about me

iyerviji · Aug 25, 2019

anika987 said: ↑

Love your posts and I find your genuine and sweet!

There is a proverb in Tamil..” A beautiful heart creates a young and beautiful face”

You have a beautiful heart and no wonder you are younger than 71
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Thanks for your compliments dear

iyerviji · Aug 25, 2019

HariLakhera said: ↑

Very true. Compliments in any form-words or gifts motivates us. We all look forward to it throughout our life. It should not be mistaken for attachment to compliments.
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Thanks bro

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