1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

What Do You Advice?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by BeautifulSmile, Aug 7, 2019.

Page 2 of 3
  1. Aug 9, 2019 #11
    BeautifulSmile

    BeautifulSmile Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    88
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Last time I heard she was talking about me with my daughter but she was too young and she used go to daycare very less time together then. But now they are always together, but I dont know what she is talking to them. Couple of times I thought of asking my daughter, some morals stopped me. I felt its not right to ask their conversations. I get it, if there is something negative if she is talking about me and my family I better know that and address properly wiht my kids, but my words get stuck in my throat when I want to ask my kids what or how she is behaving. I just think, how will my husband feel if he knows I am inquiring all these, I might hurt his feelings.
     
    BeautifulSmile, Aug 9, 2019
    BeautifulSmile, Aug 9, 2019
    #11
  2. Aug 10, 2019 #12
    SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,011
    Likes Received:
    2,683
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Are you sure you want to stay with them in their old age, considering how they treat you ? Why can’t the SIL look after them ?
    They are ok disrespecting you and finding faults with you but want you to be the ideal DIL. Is that even possible ? Respect is a two way street. Don’t do the mistake of moving back, you will regret it.

    You don’t have to be overly harsh, you have to be assertive. My house, my kitchen, my rules.


     
    SinghManisha, Aug 10, 2019
    SinghManisha, Aug 10, 2019
    #12
    BeautifulSmile and Sunshine04 like this.
  3. Aug 12, 2019 #13
    BeautifulSmile

    BeautifulSmile Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    88
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    I dont think I have left with any option for not moving back to India. Now it self his sisters crying over us.. Relatives calls or meets make him feel more guilty for not moving back to India to take care of them. But who knows whats running inside the house and her behavior.It took 13 year for me to be comfortable in my own house in their presence. I am sure I need to put more efforts to take control of many things. But not sure by when it will happen. Respect - HUH - their dictionary definitions are way different than what I know.

    What she feels is - son is very tired of doing household work and going to office. Where as DIL is very lucky she is going to office. She claims I am having fun by going to office, where as her daughters are very tired of staying home and doing household work. I never get her logic :BangHead:

    I am happy at least they think I am a super women and should never get tired :banana::banana::banana:. His sisters always used to say, you should increase your stamina, everyday you come home with less energy and tired face. Seriously , ladies :scream:
     
    BeautifulSmile, Aug 12, 2019
    BeautifulSmile, Aug 12, 2019
    #13
    Sunshine04 and SinghManisha like this.
  4. Aug 12, 2019 #14
    Joyoflife

    Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    440
    Likes Received:
    753
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    This please don't do this, she is not your mother. Treat her as another human being. It reduces a lot of burden.
     
    Joyoflife, Aug 12, 2019
    Joyoflife, Aug 12, 2019
    #14
    Afresh, SinghManisha, KashmirFlower and 1 other person like this.
  5. Aug 12, 2019 #15
    BeautifulSmile

    BeautifulSmile Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    88
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    True, Agree with you. I might be over burdening myself.
     
    BeautifulSmile, Aug 12, 2019
    BeautifulSmile, Aug 12, 2019
    #15
  6. Aug 12, 2019 #16
    Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,575
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Same story ma everywhere. I have also experienced all which you have written..
    :laughing:
     
    Anusha2917, Aug 12, 2019
    Anusha2917, Aug 12, 2019
    #16
    SinghManisha and BeautifulSmile like this.
  7. Aug 12, 2019 #17
    BeautifulSmile

    BeautifulSmile Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    88
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Uggg..... most of the times capable of ignoring those. But when over stressed because of office work or kids stuff, then these statements really irritates me to the max and feel like to give straight answer then itself, but :mask:. I always used to think, how nice if my kids understand how much me and my husband is going thru in a day. How nice it will be like if someone can explain them other than us, like our aunts and other relatives used to tell us when we were kids. But now for sure I feel like my 5yr old can understand my stress much better than my MIL.
     
    BeautifulSmile, Aug 12, 2019
    BeautifulSmile, Aug 12, 2019
    #17
    Anusha2917 likes this.
  8. Aug 13, 2019 #18
    SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,011
    Likes Received:
    2,683
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    The more I read, the more I want you to poke the bee hive and get some stinging action going. You must do this before to move in to live with them.


     
    SinghManisha, Aug 13, 2019
    SinghManisha, Aug 13, 2019
    #18
    BeautifulSmile likes this.
  9. Aug 13, 2019 #19
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,117
    Likes Received:
    2,686
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    You have a beautiful heart. They don't seem to deserve it.
    Why not sit and have a talk with your husband. Tell him it will be difficult for you to live with them unless they change .
    Put your foot down.,even if your husband feels bad.
     
    Sunshine04, Aug 13, 2019
    Sunshine04, Aug 13, 2019
    #19
    BeautifulSmile and Anusha2917 like this.
  10. Aug 13, 2019 #20
    Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    526
    Likes Received:
    901
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    It's tough but too much niceness also isn't good for one's health.
    We have been conditioned into thinking that being nice would lead to lesser conflict and happier families, but on the contrary , it just so happens that people take the nicer ones for granted, as they assume that the whole onus for doing nice gestures falls only on those other individuals.
    Further, i strongly feel that people (maybe you and me also included) in general do think that the ones who are behaving nicely and trying to keep up relationships by doing their part, will continue to do so as they do not want to be judged by society. So , if you keep doing the morally responsible things, they would still keep finding faulta with your behaviour but never really expecting you to just give up on them.
    Like in your case, SIL's not talking is going on, since they assume that you would keep trying to make amends and keep up pretenses for family functions, wishing on birthdays etc, because you are 'NICE'. I say give them a taste of their own medicine.
    Complete this later.
    But keep going girl
     
    Afresh, Aug 13, 2019
    Afresh, Aug 13, 2019
    #20
    BeautifulSmile, Anusha2917 and Sunshine04 like this.
Page 2 of 3

Share This Page