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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rosylife, Jul 4, 2019.

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  1. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    OP had previously mentioned she and husband are likely asexual. They only want to consummate to have a kid. Is this still the case @rosylife ?

    I just want to understand better - because we are all confused where your thoughts are stemming from.

    Do you think the counseling sessions are helping you in the last 6 months? Do you like your counsellor - in that his/her style helps you think through your issues a little better?
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  2. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Finest Post Winner

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    Hi OP,
    I'm silent visitor of indusladies as I'm a married woman with lot of issues and ths site helps me alot in understanding my issues and how to deal.
    Reading your post I wanted to reply.
    I'm also married fr 3+ years and no kids. But we consummated within 1month of marriage.

    I too used to think sex as a chore initially but my husband couldnt keep his hands off me even for few mins in initial days of marriage. I used to just let him make love for the sake of it.
    But as I got emotionally connected with my husband, I started enjoying the intimate moments.
    And he is too attached to me now because of physical intimacy.

    I don't know why you haven't consummated n esp why your DH is staying without physical intimacy fr so long. Its abnormal.

    Don't think of having kid without having stronger marriage bond with husband.

    And why to go register at matri sites? Its like going to restaurant and having your plate full of food and yet eyeing on others plate with food.

    This is kindo emotional cheating on your spouse.

    I think you both need marriage counseller first.

    Trust me op, physical intimacy is like the tadka/tempering in dishes. Dish is tasteless without tempering. Just like marriage is weak without physical intimacy between a couple.

    Suggestions-
    1) delete your profiles from matrimonial sites.
    2) if you can access p0rN movie, suggest you to create romantic ambience in your bedroom, ask husband to sit with you n watch some good stuff to atleast stimulate you both for intimacy.
    3) be confident about yourself. Man loses interest in weak women.
    4) dont have kid till you get "maturity" and form stable foundation of your marriage.
     
  3. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Wise Words:hearteyes:
     
  4. rosylife

    rosylife Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you ladies.
    I am running out of time. My biological clock is ticking. That is why I want to have a baby.
    I dint get any good proposals as most people in divorcee matrimony are looking for younger girls or girls who have good career and income. My career is not strong. I don’t earn enough to support myself. My husband will make a good father and recently he is telling me he wants a baby. Yes if he remarries it will be a problem but he says he won’t remarry. I want to have a kid with him because he is financially stable but I don’t want to live with him. Or maybe I can consider marrying a man with a baby, but I am not sure how his ex wife will influence in our marriage. Also I don’t know if I can psychologically accept a man with a child.
     
  5. rosylife

    rosylife Bronze IL'ite

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    One reason for non consummating marriage is I don’t feel attracted to him. It is going to be a chore another is I don’t want to get attached to him. I am staying in this marriage only because I don’t get anyone else. His job is a big issueء, because of that my career is suffering. Also he is always sick which makes me stressed. He is a workaholic with no emotions.
     
  6. Agathinai

    Agathinai Gold IL'ite

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    Please don’t bring a child into this marriage just for the sake of biological clock. It’s an injustice to the unborn child whereby you are preventing the child the family affection and care by both parents, with your full knowledge even before conception. If anyone gets divorced due to so many reasons after child came into their life, then we wouldn’t advice like this. But yours is different.

    In your instance you aren’t interested in this marriage and seems staying for financial and security purposes. And you aren’t interested or attracted towards him. He too seems not interested in you either. Then why do you want to bring a child into this unhealthy relationship.

    Once the child is born - you want to leave! Then what about the child. Are you intending to leave the child with the father? Or joint parental support? Is your career going to be better because of the divorce after a child? Is your chances of finding a new guy going to be better with your new responsibility as a mother to a child?

    It might all seem very remotely possible. If you don’t like just divorce now and move on in life. As I told initially please don’t bring an another soul into your complex life right now. Sort it out before bringing a child.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2019
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  7. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    A child is not a toy to play around.
    You can always adopt later when you become mentally normal.
    You are totally confused.
     
    shravs3, rachaputi and Anusha2917 like this.
  8. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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  9. rachaputi

    rachaputi Platinum IL'ite

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    First consult a counsellor..

    Why you wanted a child while you have intentions to leave him with father? To spoil the child Life and get struck in that loop and not get married again??
     
  10. shubhrata

    shubhrata Bronze IL'ite

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    Better to consult a GOOD counsellor, as you seem to be more confused now even after your previous counselling sessions which didn't help you.
     
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