Should I Work Or Stay Home

Quitting the job is not an option - Just my view.

Hire a nurse aide to drive ILs for doctor appointments, taking care of them in your absence during the day (when they get sick / need someone to be with them) and to take care of their grooming needs etc. Over all, ILs also need someone to interact with them / understand their needs on a daily basis.

Keeping elders at home is same as a kid's day care need and it will cost that much as well. I am sure, your DH and BIL can share the expanses. Hiring a nurse aide could be less than keeping ILs (2 of them) in high end retirement home in India?

Your kids are teenagers, they need your full attention in studies, after school activities, entertainment etc. Children shouldn't feel ignored, if you are overwhelmed in taking care of ILs, it will reflect on the kids with your impatience, anger, lack of physical strength. You can do only so much!

I have seen many Indian families keep their ILs in separate apartment in nearby location. Also, witnessed the family drifting apart, kids didn't do well in school / college, the kids emotionally moved away from their parents (parents fight due to ILs responsibility).

It looks like, you are already signed up to take care of your ILs, it is not a simple task.

 

Pls don't quit job at any cost.
I Know how much respect one can get if no job.
Job gives you respect, financial independence, freedom to go out, you will have a voice. Without job you can't have all these. I understand kids needs your support. You're imagining after kids come from school your giving hot tiffin's, helping in homework later playing (board games) ...reality it's not
Housework will gobble you from 6am to 10 pm.
You will be demanded for 3 fresh meals, daily laundry, daily home cleaning.
Later comes inlaws part.
Don't quit. Simple.

 

I feel quitting will be a bad decision in such a situation. If you are feeling a bit stressed with your current job,join some less stressful job.

Hire a maid or hire some nurses who are ready to take care of elderly people. There are many desi people too who are willing to take care of elders on hourly basis. You can connect with them through social media.

At least you can have some time for yourself. You will have some financial independence. But if you quit,I’m sure everything falls on your head.

 

Money is not as issue, so why not find a job you like ? Outsource the cooking,cleaning and teaching kids. Clarify to your husband before hand that you are not comfortable and will not be taking your FIL to doctors appointments. Let him know that if he shares the household responsibilities you might share some of your in-laws responsibilities. But remember the word here is SHARE, which means it has to be a nearly equal division of duties.
You might not like your in-laws ( justifiably so) and do not have to be their sole caregiver. But keep an open mind and help once in a while . That is what a marriage is about.
There is no option of checking out once you are a parent. Assign some driving to classes or teaching duties to the husband.
Will the in laws be splitting time between your and BIL’s house ?

 

Just tell you dh that quitting is not an option as you have worked all your life n that’s who you are.

Start applying for jobs that you like to do n move to it.

Write a task list, assign your name, your dh, even your kids to each task - share the responsibility - if someone doesn’t do, jus don’t do the task till you find a way to make them do.
Tell them it’s all their home equally, you go to ofis, dh goes to ofis, kids go to school, - similar schedules | now coming to home, share tasks too. Make them start giving in 30 mins each day for home tasks.
Regarding kids: split the tasks that he’s good at n you are good at. If you have to do more for the kids, make dh do for the house then.
Explain to him that he can’t not do nothing, everyone pitches in. Only you know which way works in convincing your dh. Jus keep trying, as the change won’t happen overnight, jus don’t give up.
Look for external help like cleaners / cooks / nurse, basically anyone to make your life easier.
Your first thing to do is to make you less “tired”.

 

Outsource, outsource, outsource! You cannot do it all at the same time. As I mentioned in my earlier post if you are not doing so already, get weekly cleaning service. Many will also do your laundry as an extra. Have your groceries delivered. Instacart is everywhere . Get a yard service if you don't have one already and your DH is not willing/able to do it. Since your kids are older you probably don't need a full time nanny but you can get someone part time to be there when the kids come home from school, start homework, drive them to activities etc. Keep your meals simple during weekdays.
Make your money work for you instead of simply working for your money.
As for your job satisfaction if you do not need your current salary you can look for something that pays less but is more satisfying.

 

The option of staying home to spend time with your kids is not open to you. You have two choices: Stay home, play nursemaid to hostile in-laws, no pay. OR Keep working, get paid and spend quality time with your kids outdoors.

There is no point in discussing in-laws' care with DH. All promises are just words. If he brings up the subject simply state what you will or will not do and stick to it.

Since your ILs are moving in, you are now free to travel. They can take care of the kids or teach their DS how to adult. Your travel for work might be the best thing to happen for everyone in your family.

Nanny on in-law duty is a terrible idea. Don't do it! Let DH chauffeur his parents around. If he doesn't want to spend time with them, why invite them in the first place?

You've been enabling this behavior. Time to stop.

One step at a time. Make changes and stand firm. Trust that he will step up.

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Don't leave your job. Trust me your health issues will get worse if you sit at home and deal with kids. I have been doing that for 10 years and believe me it pushes women into depression. Keep working.