Children Should Experience Artificial Hardships?

1Sandhya · Dec 21, 2018

Laks09 said: ↑

I used to think this way. Most of my Caucasian friends did this with their kids and I felt that they were well-balanced kids. This year, I've changed my mind. The realization that it isn't a level playing field has finally dawned. My neighbor's son can be in the 22nd percentile of his graduating class, have moderate test scores and still get into the UT honors program and also get a partial scholarship. If my DD isn't in the top 7th percentile, have competitive SAT scores, have good summer credentials, she won't even make that program. Of course, no scholarships for our kids unless they are at the top three of their graduating class. For Asian kids, the graph is skewed as it is. They are under tremendous pressure to not only perform but outperform people of other demographics. Why add to it? If we don't need the money, I think it's best we let them focus on school and small chores.

Once they are in college, most of these bookish kids of my friends are all going to work to supplement their allowance. They aren't all entitled brats that we seem to think they are. There are a few outliers but those are mostly the ones that went to private schools and have developed friendships with the uber-rich folks.

They are all getting their hardships. It's just of a different kind. I couldn't have dealt with all this pressure. Even as we tell our child that it's ok with whatever she does, she knows deep within that it's very unfair. She is already feeling the pressure of being Indian, regardless of what her birth certificate says.
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Sing it, Sister!
lemme guess, your DD is now a HS junior or senior?

Amulet · Dec 21, 2018

@Rihana
I wrote something like an old MIL's comment at the ceiling kind of post in the "Amulet's Coffee" thread, that is likely relevant here. Check that out.

Amulet said: ↑

Institutional Coffee
There are many parents in IL community who are raising children in the west. Fortunately many of the migrants from India are reasonably affluent, and know the value of education as well. They naturally think education of their children is very important. These parents do not permit their teenage children (still in HS years) to get part-time employment. One of the more prevalent part-time occupations for HS, and post-HS children is in Food Service.

It is a lot easier to work on college campus (in dorm kitchen/dining, or in large cafeterias and such) than in off-campus private businesses. Mistakes are more tolerated on campus than off campus.

Making coffee, and carrying the hot coffee across a dining area to service clients may seem like easy jobs, but in reality not so in big food service operations. Work crew supervisors would even train part-timers on how to carry a typical Bunn Coffee Carafe, that is filled with hot liquid, that can sting/stain when spilled. Firm small steps, protect your coffee, and the elbow of the arm that is carrying the coffee carafe, and carry a wet-not-dripping folded towel in the other hand holding the bottom of the coffee. And how to transit the service doorway. It is easier to skate on ice, than to be constantly mindful in the kitchen and dining area of a restaurant.

In many inexpensive coffee self-service counters of America, the coffee they have is usually rancid and over-heated. College, and Restaurant coffees are of a much better quality, because many places will require workers to label the time when the coffee was loaded and machine switched on. After a specific number of minutes, the remainder of the coffee is usually dumped in the sink, and a new coffee pot started, and labelled with starting time.

A few years ago, in Chennai, we walked from the hotel (I think it was Wellcome or Savera on Radhakrishnan Road) in the morning, and visited Stella Maris College (grandma graduated from there), and walked farther towards the beach, and on the way found a Saravanabhavan restaurant. We went in there, and my kids were quite affected by the nature of the service work in that joint. I think they had reminisced about their own campus work, and compared. We all ate some tiffin items, and had coffee (double decoction, half the milk, no sugar). Very good coffee for such a large operation. I told the kids of the life as waitstaff in a family restaurant like that. That "going out for coffee" turned out to be a teaching and thanksgiving moment.
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Viswamitra · Dec 21, 2018

@Rihana

Instead of attempting to answer the question, I would provide a few links here to my old snippets that may or may not throw some light into this topic:

Life Skills Your Children Should Learn As They Become Teenagers / Adults

Teaching moral values to the children

Is raising children happy an achievable goal

Spiritual discipline for children

TV Programs & Children

Teaching morals to children in the modern age

Influence of parents conduct on Children

Amica · Dec 22, 2018

There is no one-size-fits-all for this decision. There are pros and cons to having a job during high school. Much depends on the child and his/her goals.

Rihana said: ↑

Some have kids who had just come home from college for the holidays and were lounging around the house like kings and queens.
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These royals should definitely get jobs.

Rihana said: ↑

... it is because the child chose a major parent doesn't agree with : )
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I've seen this a lot.
.

butterflyice · Feb 7, 2019

[QUOTE it is because the child chose a major parent doesn't agree with : )[/QUOTE]
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Children Should Experience Artificial Hardships?

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